After 3 years is it normal for this to happen?

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t initiate sex anymore I don’t know if it’s because a month ago I cried right after sex because i forced myself to have sex on a bad day, when we go out to eat he is always on his phone like the whole time looking at sports, he doesn’t come up with any show ideas we both ran out, and the only few hours or so that we’re together alone in his room he keeps on going in and out talking to his family meanwhile I’m just waiting for him on the bed. What I find extremely odd is that he doesn’t initiate sex anymore and he told me that it was because he’s so tired which he always was anyways and that he finds it hotter when I initiate it. Something that I notice about myself is that I have a harder time focusing on watching any show or movie with him anymore.

[JasonDaMan]

It is not uncommon for sexual frequency to decrease over time in a long-term relationship, but it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your needs and concerns.

If your partner is frequently on his phone and not engaging with you during meals or other activities, it may be a sign that he is not fully present or invested in the relationship. It is important to communicate your feelings and needs to him, and to try to work together to find ways to reconnect and engage with each other.

It is also important to prioritize your own needs and well-being, and to take time for self-care and activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. If you find yourself struggling to focus or engage during shared activities, it may be helpful to take a break and pursue individual interests or hobbies.

Ultimately, the key to a healthy and fulfilling relationship is open and honest communication, mutual respect and understanding, and a willingness to work together to build a strong and meaningful connection.

[shanshu]

I think he's disgusted with himself, thinking he's the one that made you cry, he felt like he forced you. As much as he says he finds it hotter when you initiate it which it it's when women do but he's afraid psychologically that it will happen again if he initiated it. Maybe because when it happened it can't possibly get it up in the thought of initiating it.

Can I ask why you forced yourself to have sex, were you doing it just to please him or were you afraid that if you didn't have said or weren't in the mood you feel he will lose interest in you. Could this have a more meaning like you are afraid to lose him like you possibly lost an ex?

What you need to do is have a proper chat with you boyfriend, explain that you don't want to always do the initiating it, you want him too aswell

[Asker]

I admitted to him that I have forced myself to have sex with him in the past. That day was a terrible day for me and I just forced myself to have sex with him and then when i came home i texted him saying that i wish that we were married because sex feels so empty since i have to go home to an empty bed. But we don’t have enough money

[Asker]

I for some reason felt obligated to have sex with him. Today I felt obligated to too but we ended up doing nothing and I get to shy to initiate sex a lot of times

[shanshu]

And there it is, it's not the first time you've done it, he prob feels awful that you have to force yourself to have sex with him, I wouldn't like that. I mean if he's wasn't in the mood but you wanted to please him that's one thing but to have him feel you forced yourself prob makes him feel feel horrible and unattractive. I know I could feel that way

[Asker]

My boyfriend never lacks confidence. Now that o remember last time that we had sex i was crying and asked him if he could tell me that i was beautiful.

[shanshu]

Why do you feel obligated too? I know you are in a relationship and sure every now and again it good to show some physical contact but you shouldn't feel it's your job. Sex is there to feel close to your partner to have that intimate connection, it shouldn't be a chore.

[Asker]

I was feeling low looking down at my body because he says that im so pretty all the time but about my body he doesn’t say much and sometimes i just look down at myself after sex all sad not feeling pretty at all

[shanshu]

I think that's probably what your lacking, romance to feel special, ask him if he can take you out for a date night or tell him sometimes you feel insecure and wish he could tell you how beautiful you are

[shanshu]

Sometimes guys don't like to compliment the body, we feel women might take offence and think they think we will see them as sex objects, maybe that's why he won't say anything but I bet he's touches your body all over why is the same as actually saying it

[Asker]

Last time we went out to eat he was on his phone literally the whole time

[Asker]

And all he said was that I’m sorry that I made you feel unimportant that’s it.

[shanshu]

What I suggest for you to do for him to initiate it for when you are in the mood (not forcing yourself but actually in the mood), where some revealing clothes like a top that shows your cleavage when your together, when your wearing a skirt of some kind wear no underwear and subtly bend down to pick something up so he can see under your skirt. Or as a last resort while you are both watching something, subtly play with your boobs or finger yourself

[Asker]

I get so nervous initiating I don’t know why

[shanshu]

Well just try what I said and just get him aroused, you won't have to do the initiating, just arouse his interest

[Finchie40]

Yea something is totally off if he doesn’t initiate sex with you anymore , I had a girl cry after sex before and it weirded me out I felt like she regretted having sex with me , it was a huge turn off and made me look at her differently , I felt like my relationship with her was coming to an end , but after reading so much shit about it cuz she couldn’t give me a straight answer as to why she cried , I realized it wasn’t me , It was her , Girls are a lot more emotional then guys are , and a girls hormones get fucked up and she has a hard time controlling it then guys do. So the fact your man isn’t initiating sex with you , can definitely be a bad sign that he is losing interest in you and slowly checking out of that relationship, so the best thing for you to do is talk to him and express your feelings of concern , don’t assume the worst case scenario cuz that will make things worse , but talk to him and tell him what you are feeling and experiencing , if he just shrugs you off and acts like you are being crazy then you need to pack your shit and leave , but if he listens to you and understands where you are coming from then stay with him and fix what is broken , remember no one else is going to save your relationship but you , try not to take much advice from friends cuz they do not know your relationship like you do , Make your partner your top priority and talk to him , Put your foot down and tell him you will not be treated like a convenience, if you can’t respect me I will not respect you , tell him what he is doing is selfish behavior and it is damaging this relationship , tell him you have wants and needs as well , if you don’t want to have sex with me anymore then I will find it elsewhere and this relationship is over , Do not let him walk over you. And allowing him to take advantage over you , you are a human being with feelings and if your wants and needs aren’t being met you have every right to put your foot down to him , cuz trust me there is a bunch of guys out here that would love to have a girl that loves sex that wouldn’t say No to it

[Marked_Man]

He thinks maybe he forced you, traumatized you and you guys should talk about it not avoid.

[Asker]

I did he just said that it was because he found it hotter when I initiated sex I already told him multiple times that i get shy and nervous that’s why I don’t initiate much but the oast three weeks i have it’s just so weird not having him start anything at all he was always starting sex

[Marked_Man]

Well he should be initiating, maybe he's not so horny because he's jacking to porn or maybe even someone else, hopefully not.

[Asker]

I started the pill because of him and after we were finally able to do it raw after so long he said that he wasn’t in the mood for the first time and we ended up doing it anyways. Could it maybe be because of his job? He is a delivery driver and he said that today was a hard day for him but it was for me too

[Asker]

I got on the pill because he kept on complaining about condoms.

[Marked_Man]

There's something else going on if he's not wanting it.

[Asker]

He’s just not initiating it at all. I can’t tell of he wants it or not he breathes deeply but I can’t tell if he’s just tired. I have admitted in the oast in forcing myself to have sex even when I wasn’t in the mood. Now that o remember last time that we had sex i was crying and asked him if he could tell me that i was beautiful.

[Marked_Man]

I think he doesn't want to hurt you. You have to talk to him.

[Asker]

Hurt me how?

[peterrezeeek]

don't wait him anymore

[Thirsty4more23]

Ahh I’m sorry to hear of this. I don’t understand how guys could not initiate sex or want sex anymore

[Asker]

He was always intiating sex it’s probably my fualt i used to complain about it feeling so empty because i had to go straught home afterwards he also said that he had a hard day at work

[Thirsty4more23]

Ahh yeah it’s definitely nice to cuddle naked after sex and not get up and leave each other right away.

[Asker]

Why do you think he’s like this? He also said that he kept leaving the room because his family kept on making noise and he was trying to get them to stop but he always leaves the room. I also started birth control because of him so it kinda sucks that he’s not even starting sex

[Thirsty4more23]

Ahh yeah paranoid that he might get caught. So have u guys always been using condoms?

[Asker]

We stopped using condoms 2 months ago and he stopped initiating sex 3 weeks ago or so

[Asker]

I’ve just been on the pill and we’ve been doing it raw. Do you really think that he cheating on me?

[Thirsty4more23]

Damn well I don’t see why he would b if u just pretty much started doing it raw. If u wanna follow me or pm me u can, if not no worries.

[Asker]

It’s probably my fault for crying sometimes after sex

[Thirsty4more23]

Do u even get to orgasm during sex?

[Asker]

Not often maybe a few times i have it’s just hard for a woman

[Asker]

Now that I remember I got on birth control because he kept on complaining about using condoms and when we were finally able to have sex raw he told me that he wasn’t interested. He lasts about like 15 minutes during sex maybe my pussy is not that good

[Thirsty4more23]

Ahh trust me I know it’s not easy for u guys.

[Asker]

We ended up having sex anyways though

[Thirsty4more23]

Why don’t u message me 🤔😂

[InvisibleHovercraft]

He probably losing interest.

[Asker]

He just bought me my 3 year anniversary presents :(

[tallblondejohm]

Then find someone that wants you all the time

[Anonymous]

It's very normal. He's bored. Monogamy is boring.