Aftereffects of sexual abuse in mens life?

[Anonymous]

I was sexually abused in teenage. At the age of 25, while I am preparing for competitive exams, things seems challenging. I have isolated myself. I fear facing others especially girls. Since I had negative experiences with girls till now, I feel discomfort and too nervous around them because of silent treatment, rejection in some cases. I even stay away from my sister. Whenever I meet or talk to female friend, I feel an uncontrolled excitement/urge/happiness. This uncontrolled emotional attachment is for both. In case of attraction towards girls, there is no sexual aspect but an emotional part involved always. I am unable to maintain a healthy friendships with them. In studies, I can't focus for longer period. When I practice math, I easily solve but when timing is involved, my speed falls considerably low. Earlier I used to be good at recalling but now I fail to remember. Also while masturbating to escape from overwhelming emotions, fantasy of humiliation or belittling from girls is involved. Whenever something is forced whether its time or study, I am unable to achieve it. I couldn't learn driving. In teenage, I had an accident while cycling. After that, I continued cycling for 2-3 years but can't learn bike. In college I had ragging. The extreme noise from name calling & abuse shocked me. Not a single word came for 2-3 days and for one month, I couldn't sleep properly. I still shiver whenever I hear loud & uncomfortable noise. While learning to drive, in my mind I know the direction but unable to act. Always confused & lack of coordination. Loud noise from vehicles is startling. I deeply feel their horns. Earlier I was hard working student but now I'm getting worst. I can't take simplest of decisions. I have to ask others to make choices. Recently when I accepted that I was sexually abused, my mind is filled with it & everytime I am lacking something, I attach it to abuse. Please suggest me how to deal with it especially in increasing academic preformance.

[MasterOfReality]

I’m sorry to hear you went through this and are still dealing with the after effects.. First and foremost, you need to seek counseling for this. Abuse of any kind, but especially sexual abuse as a child must be worked through therapeutically or certain issues will manifest themselves, which it sounds like is already happening. Also research and look into EMDR therapy. It has done wonders for many many people.
Good luck with everything!

[Asker]

I wish I could go but I can't. May be I can't afford to tell anyone. I am afraid whether doctor will understand or not. How will I explain in words what I am facing because sometimes I don't understand what people say or question me. Sometimes I am unable to express what I really mean to say. The things go above my head. I am unable to capture or process which I hear whether visual or voice. I fear that if I go I will feel like victim which now I don't feel because I don't remember what happened. Also because I need to clear exams to get a job, I can't afford to get affected by it. I am thinking after I get job, then I will go. I don't know whether I am right or not. But its true that being a men I will face humiliation lot more. Then depression and more problems will accompany it. I hope you can understand. Is going to doctor only solution? Can't there be any other way to get out of problem? Please help.

[MasterOfReality]

Try to seek out “counseling services,” not a doctor. You can Google counseling services for those in your area. They are not run by doctors but by licensed counselors who specialize in problems like yours and how to work through them. Some may even base their services off of your income. Especially Christian based services.

[Inexpensivefurniture]

The only thing that helped me deal with the after effects of abuse and improve my quality of life was counselling. I really think you should find someone you can talk to about all this. Therapists and counsellors can help you learn to manage and minimize the effects of abuse