Am I a bad boyfriend, or am I being used?

I've been in a weird relationship with a girl for 4 years. We only see each other 1x per month. We've never had sex, the most I've gotten is an occasional handjob.

Each time we go out to dinner, maybe see a movie, but I always end up giving her $1,000 for rent every time we see each other. In her defense, she only works part-time and only 15 an hour, while I'm an upper-middle-class engineer, but I've been telling her I'm getting tired of paying her each time, but she keeps telling me "don't worry I'll get better."

Now all of a sudden she asked me for $4000 to pay off back rent, and I told her a firm no because I don't have the money in my checking account, then I told her I think she's taking advantage of me and maybe we need to move on. She got really hurt by that and she's been saying she wants to come to my house, do a welfare check, and come to my job and lie about me being gay with one of my male friends.

I feel horrible because I said no to paying her giant sum of back rent, but others have told me that I'm the victim because she's been using me the last four years. Am I a terrible boyfriend for now trying to break up with her now, or am I stupid for not getting out sooner?
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Superb Opinion

  • Well, you're an engineer, so look at your relationship as a structure. It's made out of balsa, built on sand, and held together by your cum from handjobs.

    Jesus man, you got used, and now she's threatening you. Ignore her, block her, well check? She isn't even your girlfriend, come to your work? Call security.

    You're in a situation where it'd be better to simply shoot her if she shows up to your house after being firmly rejected. You are her meal ticket, and she's supporting herself, and someone else for those lump sums.

    Once a month, 1000 a visit, 12 times a year, there's no way you're her only guy. She's a high cost, low output prostitute.

Most Helpful Guy

  • This is terrible, you'd get more of a literal girlfriend experience with an escort for much less. She's not just using you, she's extorting and abusing you. Only person you should spend money on is yourself unless it's family or a stay at home spouse. She will eventually dump you and use that money to play with her new boyfriend, I've seen this common pattern with women

    I'm currently in a passionate sexual fling with a girl from class. We meet everyday after class and I've yet to waste any money that I'll never get back. In fact, she bought me dinner two days ago. You're hurting yourself more than some divorced men out there

Most Helpful Girl

  • You are being used. Plain and simple. I get the feeling you understand that by the details in your question.

    Take this as a learning experience and move on from this girl. She has no interest in you as a person, only your ability to give her money.

    She will continue to abuse your kindness until she finds out (like she has) that you won’t tolerate it further. Now, she makes up stories to try to agitate you into wanting her more.

    Best cut ties completely. Hopefully this is a lesson and you learned that this girl has done nothing more than taken advantage of you. Sorry to hear that someone did this.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 11
  • Aww man this sucks, I’m sure you have feelings for her, but sounds like it’s time to move on. Don’t be taken advantage of and find someone that wants you for you and not $$$

  • You're being used and manipulated my friend.

  • You have been used. Dump her.

  • Oh boy, you've been played like a fiddle, ditch her now. She's a looser, and I will take you for every penny if you let her.

  • Is this your first girlfriend?

    • Yes. I was always kind of that introverted kid who was never good with girls, and I met her at a time in my life when I was lonely and desperate and also lost a close family member. I guess she played on my vulnerabilities, when I figured anything was better than nothing, but I see now that this is not normal.

    • No its clearly not

  • You really can't see you are being used?

  • Sugar baby vs Sugar daddy

  • There's a sucker born every minute, and you've been one for the past 4 years. Your only purpose in her mind is to give her money. Ok, you've been an idiot, but that's in the past. Drop her faster than a heartbeat, and don't be kind about it. Find yourself a decent woman. This girl is using you and she won't stop, so get the hell out now.

  • Youve been being used this whole time. Wtf is wrong with you?

  • Time to go fishing. I would not have been in that relationship, if I was treated like you have been treated.

  • Its a useless relationship leave her get a other girl

  • $1,000 and no sex? wtf?