Am I A Rapist For This?

[Anonymous]

This one has been weighing on my self conscious for a while now. It all started with my older sister. I don't blame her or think she is any less of a good person now that she's older. I can remember when but me and my younger sister started doing the same thing however it didn't last as long, when I was 12 so she had to about 7, she came into my room smile on her face. She said she'd ask mom if we take a bath together that night and we could... yeah. But I had done some thinking prier to this about my older sis, told her no, it was wrong what we were doing, it needed to stop, she had to wait til marriage then she could do those things with her husband (I was raised catholic). That's when my older sister walked in and asked "What til married to do what?" We didn't answer. After that we dropped it and life with on, none of us ever mentioned what happened. About a year later we made our first move after my parents got divorced and the fighting everynight stopped. I had to be 12 at the time cause my first crush was at 13 and this happens before I met him. My birthday is at the end of the year so this is entirely possible. I was in bed having a mental break down (I won't go into detail but I had episodes of sorts still do). I was sharing a room with all of my siblings at the time. I don't know what washed over me... I looked at my younger sister sleeping beside me hopped on her and humped her for less than a second when I snapped out of it. What the fuck was I doing? Immediately I got off and cried myself to sleep. I've been thinking about what I did years later and I can't help but feel awful for it. I have no excuses for my behavior it was disgusting what I did even if it only lasted for a split second that's all it takes to murder someone. A second. I hate myself and have battled with this for a long time. I don't know what to do, but I can't keep it a secret. If I tell her what happened she won't trust me anymore but she also deserve the truth. I just don't know.

[N192K001]

Wait, I don't understand this.

How can she be your older-sister when she was 7, while you were 12 at the time of the 1st incident? While, technically, the underage cannot give legal consent, was she willing or did you actually force (by physical force, by threat, etc.) her into the act? (Realize also that jurisdictions generally also have an age of accountability, which varies. Technically, you might not even be qualified to be charged for anything at the age of the incident.)

Also, you did what during the 1st incident? You're asking if your actions qualified as rape, but no mention is made as to what the actions in question were actually were. What was involved?

On the issue of the 2nd incident, that's probably not rape, either. What it is would really vary, but I highly doubt that would be called 'rape' rightfully. Actually, the definition of 'rape' varies by jurisdiction (some don't even use the word, and use other terms: ex. 'acts of lasciviousness', various degrees of 'sexual-assault', etc.). Any of these other terms (esp. for the lower-grades) will probably be more accurate.

Whatever the situation is, you really do need a serious, private discussion with your wronged sister. Obviously, this has weighted heavily on you, so offer your heartfelt apology. At most, give an explanation (to help diagnose the underlying problems and find solutions to them) that's explicitly a diagnostic-explanation, but offer NO EXCUSE at all. Accept your role as the perpetrator and (most importantly) sincerely ask how you can make things right between the 2 of you again… and, if the request is reasonable, DO IT.

If needed, give her time to develop a rightful request. Yes, it will be tough while the ball is on her court, but this is part of the price of your action & the path for reconciliation with her. The important thing is to express your contrition, prove your resolve to never let repeat this again, continually keep the doors of repaired relations with her open, and do all these things sincerely from the heart. Whether she accepts & when are her prerogative.

If your relations are generally strong anyway, she may forgive you more easily.

[Asker]

I have two sisters. One is older and the other is younger, the 1st incident I think you are referring to is with the other sister. I'm sorry I don't exactly know what you are talking about I had to take a lot of stuff out in order to post, so some details may have gotten mixed up. I plan on telling her when we are both above 18. While I can't say I was always willing with my older, I never forced my younger sister to do anything, most of the time it was her idea, but I had to stop it as I was the older one and it's my responsibility to take care of her.

[Asker]

The 2nd incident is what I meant by "rape". If I am correct in knowing what you are talking about both incidents happen with separate sisters.

[N192K001]

That will be a long wait, if you're willing to carry this corrosive stuff for that long. If you weren't exactly willing with your older-sister while your younger-sister pushed you into this a good number of times, it seems you were the 1 victimized here.

[Asker]

If I am a victim then we are all victims. My older sister was also young and probably didn't know what she was doing was wrong and while it was always my younger's idea I never told her no. I need to wait til we are above 18 to give us a chance to develop more mentally.

[N192K001]

That makes sense. But does this new info help with the internal-strife you were suffering when you wrote the original-post? Don't beat yourself up concerning these. I may tend to not look at blame (since it's generally just a personal-attack, when compared to more a diagnostic focus on causal-factors), but there is plenty of blame for everyone involved. All of you are in the wrong, so there is no need to pin this exclusively on you & you alone.

[Dargil]

Please do not overthink this. You are denying yourself the life The Creator has given you. THAT is the real sin here.
The Creator gave you free will. That includes naughty fiddling in the bath tub with a sister. Is that good? Not really. But here's the deal. As a (fellow) Catholic, you have read "Jesus died for your sins". But what does that really mean? It means that The Creator decided that the Jewish path to salvation was unworkable because it is impossible to be sinless. So He came to earth in the flesh as Jesus to be a sinless human and make the final Jewish Blood Sacrifice for all future sons for all who accept Him. But WTF does THAT mean.
*It means you get on your knees and CONFESS your sin. Shit. There are plenty. Get busy!
*It means you REPENT of those sins. Don't beat around the bush. Part of repenting is to articulate your sins. If you fiddled in the bath tub, SAY SO. He's waiting... SAY IT.
Then acknowledge you know it was wrong and you will never do that again.
*Ask Him for forgiveness. He will know if you are true or bullshitting just to cover lustful appetites. And if you are true:
John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

So log off GAG and get started. Now is a good time.
Don't bother with Hail Mary's or Our Father's. Do this and you are DONE.

[Asker]

I'm sorry, I meant I was raised Catholic but I am no longer.

[Dargil]

But if you are still Christian, you can be freed of this anxiety.

[Asker]

Though I am still religious, I'm not Christian in any form of the word.

[Dargil]

What is your religion?

[Asker]

I am Pagan and have been for years now. Before you say it, no I do not enact with demons or spirits, and this is not why I committed my awful actions. I was just in a bad head space after everything with my father and my parents divorce.

[Dargil]

"Judge not lest ye be judged". My "house" is not clean. Before I got "saved" (against my will!) I was a New Ager. I even went to Stonehenge to touch it. Ommmm! I knew there was a Cosmic Consciousness that we are all a part of. In Christianity, that's called having a Soul. Some meditation with this on your mind can help. Newsflash: It does not matter what you profess or decline The Creator is always listening. Do not let this guilt eat at your consciousness, soul, whatever.

[Asker]

Alright

[Breanna_nonbinary]

It’s perfectly natural for siblings to experiment sexually. Many do regardless of being bro/sis sisters or brothers. The first part of your story is representative of your parents that something is bad. And the second part is about how you feel after they said that. But in all honesty things aren’t good or bad. We are just made to think they are as a way of quelling undesirable behavior. Usually that behavior is something that feels good and/or isn’t a social norm. If a brother and sister have sex and produce an child we are made to believe that child will have major problems. However this is a myth and will only happen after several generations of inbreeding. I would say that you’re actions are normal and that as long as you are doing consensual things a sexual relations between sibs can only result in the two becoming closer. I know this from talking to many people in incestuous relationships. I would use caution of course since it’s not a social norm that people will admit. Please feel free to pm me if you have additional worries. Kik breanna90802

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Can we talk more about this? Can you PM me?

[Flower7]

Sorry to hear that this happened. It must be hard to live with the guilt. But I feel that as long as nothing new happens, everything will be okay. Just resist any unnatural urges from now on, and that should make things better.

[Asker]

I don't have any "urges".

[Flower7]

Ok. I had been thinking maybe that was the reason you did those things. But basically, I feel that as long as those incidents are in the past and not the present, that's the most important thing.

[Asker]

It's no excuse, but I was having a mental break down at the time (wasn't the first definitely wasn't the last, lol)

[Asker]

And like I mentioned in the post, it's seems we all have either forgotten about it or have just not talked about it.

[Flower7]

I don't think there's any need to tell your sister what happened while she was asleep. It seems like your family has moved past those incidents, so it seems like bringing it up again could be a bad idea.

[Asker]

Maybe. I'll think about it.

[theguyghail]

Firstly, that's not rape, secondly you where 12 going on 13, the teenage mind has very little control of right and wrong, a study done in about 10 years ago suggested that puberty can effect the minds critical thinking skills leading to a crossing of right and wrong which doesn't stop until around 20/24 years old.

So what? Teenagers do all sorts of weird shit they suddenly realise "Wtf am i doing"

I've done it all, from pissing in thye corner of a room, jacking off to my friend while he was sleeping, nearly sleeping with a 40 year old to being caught butt naked in a forest

The teenage mind is a messy thing that has proven to just down right fail to think ahead most of the time

[ManWithThePlan123]

You seem very worried over a matter that isn't as bad as you think it is. I bet if you even told your sister about it now she wouldn't care because it's pretty random. Was it wrong? Yes. Was it rape? No, first off you had clothes on, and second you didn't even do anything to her. Don't beat yourself up about this.

[Grond21]

You need to stop letting this eat you up inside. The guilt has done far more damage to you than the action warrants.
Yes, I think you should tell your sister. But I think you should do it in a clear way. Tell her that you did something that has been weighing on you when you were younger. You don't know why you did but you are very sorry.

I would also suggest talking to a counselor or therapist first, just to get some really solid advice on how to approach it and think about it

[Asker]

I think I waited too long, but if I could I would give you MHO

[Grond21]

Yeah, normally its a week. But thank you. I really appreciate it, and I hope it goes well for you

[Anonymous]

forget about it you didn't rape anybody.