Am I in the wrong for not wanting a threesome?

My boyfriend says his dream is to have a threesome but I said I dont really believe in adding another person to our bedroom. I'm jealous and don't think its right. I am sexually open about trying anything with him but that goes against me. Plus he is more jealous than I am and I said yeah lets add another guy to the bedroom (jokingly) and he freaked out saying no... so its ok to add a girl but not a guy.. ok... does not wanting a threesome make me a bad girlfriend or something? I just feel like a relationship should be between two people! So does he, but only if its the way he wants it...

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Most Helpful Guys

  • If you don't want to, you don't have to. A lot of guys have that fantasy, and it is great, in Porn, and Fantasy!! But playing it out?
    I think that if you were to ask women, at least a good portion of them would say that some guy has suggested it, with them and another woman, for his 'Fantasy'!!
    A REAL man considers her feelings, and respects her. I would NEVER suggest this as a real-life thing. Actually, for me, it was never a fantasy of mine! I would never try to persuade someone I care about to do things she doesn't like or feel comfortable with!
    There is NOTHING wrong with you for not wanting to do this!! Don't even imagine that there might be something wrong with you, because you don't want to do something that you don't want to do!! You have every right to say NO, and you should never be uncomfortable, or nervous, saying NO to things you don't want to do!!
    But what if he leaves you, because you won't?
    If he leaves, because you won't do something that you don't like, or want to do, then is he really the one you want to be with?
    It is YOUR choice, ALWAYS, and it is OK to say NO, and not like some things, and not do things you don't want to do!

  • Most couples wouldn't survive a threesome - it really only works when both people are really secure, and when the two people of the same sex are totally fine with being sexual around (if not WITH) someone of the same sex.

    If you were a bi-curious girl who was really secure in your relationship, it might be okay. But you aren't, and so it won't work for the two of you. That's OKAY. Sure, he might be a bit disappointed, but he shouldn't make a big deal about it. I don't own a yacht or a private jet or a Ferrari, and somehow I manage to go on. He'll manage to go on without a threesome too.

Most Helpful Girls

  • My boyfriend was exactly the same way even saying he didn't know if he ever wanted to marry me if I didn't want to be "adventurous" but don't let that crap guilt you into it! I felt sick for days after those conversations I had nightmares of having to have to see my beloved touch another women. Yes I know some couples are up to it but reading your question I know you feel like I did. Your scared and don't want to but don't want to disappoint him. Well th thing is. Either you'll let him guilt you knot it and never forget about it (maybe you'll like it but if you are a jelous type I don't think that's how it'll go) or if he won't drop it things might end. 1. He shouldn't pressure you 2. If he's not ok with sharing you he should understand that you don't wanna share him 3. Don't make yourself overly upset about it like I did. I am open to basically every other thing with my man and he learned to live with the fact that I can't share him. If he loves you he will let you choose and stick by your decision❤

  • No, your not wrong, your stating what your comfortable with and you should stand for yourself. He should understand and respect that, and if he keeps pestering you, keep telling him your answer, and if he doesn't respect your decision and choice, its best to leave him to think about it or leave him for someone who has the same opinion and/or is respectful for your choice. You should never think your a terrible girlfriend. If he keeps wanting to make you change your choice to be in a threesome, then he is the bad boyfriend. In a relationship, each have to respect the other and if one is not comfortable about something with their partner, they should respect that and love you for your decision than try to change your mind. I hope this helps.

  • NO YOU ARE NOT!!! I had the the same reaction as you when my ex told me about his experience with threesome and that he would do it again.. I was disgusted and jealous I kept thinking and having nightmares of it for weeks! I feel you!! YES the relationship emotionally and physically IS ONLY BETWEEN TWO. Don't let him or anyone force you to do something you don't want. I used to please him and allowed him to force me.. I regret it a lot now and I wish that I didn't do that to myself too and treat me the way I deserve. Anyway I am now so honey you should as well! dont ever think that he would leave you if you didn't accept. Who loves you will love and your decisions and your standards over his babygirl 💗💗

    • <3 TY so much!

    • Will love and respect** You're most welcome love❤️❤️❤️

    • Was ur ex saying that before or after you broke up?

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  • I agree with you. It should be between 2 and if you add more people, you are sharing your body with someone else who isn't your lover. That's kinda like cheating or having an affair... but with consent. Also, it isn't right that it's okay to have another guy but not another girl. Like, I don't know. Anyways, your mate is gonna be okay with another man putting a penis in you? I wouldn't want mine to be okay with that. And then I wouldn't be alright with my man putting his penis in another lady (if it was a 3some with 2 girls).

    • Exactly Thank you!

    • You're welcome :]

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Not wanting to add another girl is not bad in the same way not wanting to add another guy is. It's perfectly fine and normal to have boundaries about certain things. It's not ok to try to force someone to only do things your way. It takes two yeses to move forward, but it only takes one no to prevent it.

  • You are not a bad girlfriend because of that.
    Such fantasies requires a great amount of understanding and agreement.
    He is just acting selfish. Because he doesn't feel good about another boy. But another girl is fine because he is thinking it through himself only.

    Tell him this:
    "I have this fantasy of a gang. Ten guys at a time. And i want you to film it dear"
    He will learn his lessons then.

    You have your principles. Stick to it. You should never do something that you are not comfortable with. Personally, i am against such actions and i won't ever accept getting away with it.

    • Thank you! Yes the thought of being with other people in a relationship makes me feel sick honestly... not for him though I guess, which is a worrisome sign...

    • -He is not sexually open at all. He is trying to play fool. Another girl is fine but not another boy! -If he insists so much, put him under pressure. Make it clear. He must choose you or whatever (other) women he wish so. But can't have everything and everyone at one time. -If he really loves you and respect you. He would accept and respect your choice and how you feel. -One of the ways to make him feel to taste what he expects is to twist the situation. Like what i've said, demand many fantasies with many men. See how he will react and will realize what kind situation he's putting you through.

    • Exactly! Thank you

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  • I totally get what you mean and I feel the same thin, after many past experiences, I currently would not allow a threesome in my relationship, its just not meant for some people and especially if you get jealous. Its a double standard when guys will want a threesome with 2 girls however if the girl wants one with 2 guys its a complete no, something with pride I feel. Anyway yes I do believe for some people the bedroom is only meant for the TWO.

    • Yea it a double standard and it's based in closed mindedness. If some wants to only have a threesome if the other two parties are of the opposite gender it is probably because they are freaked out by the idea of being sexual near another of the same gender. That in itself isn't necessarily a bad thing but it is unreasonable to push against some else's similar boundary if they set one. I for instance don't want to have a threesome at this point in my life ffm or mmf. If I did have one I would prefer ffm because I'm into girls. If I was in a real relationship with a woman who wanted fmm threesome I would consider it though.

  • You're not a bad girlfriend at all. He should respect your feelings if you don't want a threesome. If he's not doing that then he's being a bad boyfriend.

  • No. Threesomes are tricky and can ruin a relationship if not done right. Plus if he's not going to add a guy he can't have another girl. It doesn't work that way. That's just selfish.

  • No, you are not in the wrong. It's right for you to not accept what he wants because if he's loyal enough to you, he wouldn't even think about that. Adding another girl into your relationship? Hell no😑I would react the same as you gurl

  • It's perfectly normal to not want a threesome. They are incredibly complicated and risky when you're in a relationship.

  • Jealous people should not have threesomes.

  • some people are into that kind of thing, other's aren't.
    clearly, you're an other.

    that's not a bad thing, of course. all it means is that this kind of thing won't work because you aren't both on the same page. threesomes can be fun, but only if both partners are equally into it- if one isn't, resentment will eventually end the relationship.

  • You're not wrong. It's an emotional minefield.

    • I bet it is!

    • It's ! I am open but the threesome thing will be the last thing I'll be thinking of or neverrrr!!

    • @Elafamk If you just look through the questions here about threesomes that have gone wrong, it should convince you that it's a very risky proposition, so to speak.

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  • No because my fiance and I neither want to do one! Its a matter of only wanting to be the only person to have his/her attention for us! You are deff not in the wrong!

  • No if that's a limit of yours he'll just have to accept that. I don't think I could have a threesome either, I just wanna feel like I have my boyfriend all to myself

  • Fantasies are sometimes best left as just that--fantasy. They don't all have to be acted out. Sometimes boyfriends test the waters just to see how much they can get away with, much like little kids will do. If you don't feel comfortable with it, just say no.

  • Sex is two way traffic. You both have to enjoy it. So, if you don't like a threesome, then don't do.

  • I think if that's what you believe in then stand tall and stick by what you believe. Nothing wrong with having limits, plus everyone knows adding someone else to the bedroom will only cause problems. If your sexual relationship is healthy and you enjoy one another you should not need a 3rd wheel.

  • Course your not a bad girlfriend. If you do something your not comfortable with to please him in the long run it won't work. Also he's being hypocritical saying no men

  • I doesn't make you a bad girlfriend, i wouldn't wanna do it either and he has to understand the fact that you're not comfortable with the idea

  • No you're not wrong.

    You are entitled to any feelings. Why let him brow beat you? Are you less a person than him? Less in the relationship? No. You have equal say.

    He wants everything to his. You said how about a guy and he wasn't okay so why should you be okay with a girl? Are you bi? No. Should he make you be? No.

    Stand your ground. If he doesn't like it, the doors over there.

  • I'm super pro-having a threesome for people who want to try it and think they can without it risking their relationship, but if you don't want it, you don't want it! It's that simple. Sex is done for each other, with each other, so that means you both need to want what is happening.

    it isn't wrong at all that you said no. you have that right. it sucks that he misses out on a fantasy, but few of us experience all our fantasies. He'll live.

  • Hello there! Practicing polyamorist and experienced three some member here! These sorts of things can not. (repeat that, CAN NOT) Happen in a pressured situation. All people involved need to be VERY secure, Very open, and very, very, very willing to compromise. throwing in Bisexuality helps a lot too. Adding people in any way, shape, or form to a not ideal monogamous relationship can not work. the situation needs to be right for the climate to allow it. (in a healthy way of course ). So, if you're sure you don't want it, then, no. it's not weird for you be against it.

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