Am I just the mistress here? He’s 30 and I am 20? Is it just sex?

Question

I’ve been seeing this guy recently for a bit. He’s 30 and I’m 20, well I’m 21 in a month. We’ve went on like 2 dates. We have had sex already and it was really good. Even after we had sex he was saying he still wants to see me and take me out and that he dosent see me any differently he still wants to see me which I appreciated as I didn’t ask him to say all this he just sent me a paragraph about it.

although I’ve noticed that he takes days to reply ( he always has even before we had sex ) and I found out he has a new born baby who was just born 1 month ago. I saw that his baby mom has been posting him in the photos too like them guys as a family so I feel a bit confused on everything? I’m starting to realise maybe he takes so long since he lives with her, he only ever sees me on the weekend too. I do not wanna be a sidechick. I do not wanna be a misstress I’ve been the other woman before and it broke my heart.

does it seem I’m just a mistress here? I mean he phones me like twice a week when he’s free but I’m starting to realise maybe I’m just sex to him? He always texts me saying he’s getting flashbacks and how much he enjoyed the sex but I feel like he ALWAYS speaks on that?

I don’t want to be a mistress or the other woman, I either want to be the main woman or nothing at all. How do I explain this? I don’t wanna just be a bit of fun since I’m young? I don’t like how he leaves me on delivered for days and pops back up randomly. I don’t like that? It’s only been like 2 months though since we have been calling and texting is it too soon to mention anything? I don’t like the way Its always on his terms and never mine. How do I set boundaries?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

You have to really stop and think about it if he's doing what he's doing to her just think if you were to get together and he would do it to you too you have to understand he's manipulating you I'm sure you're very beautiful your kind you have a very beautiful soul and spirit I can feel it your energy would be beautiful to become one with I can feel that too but you have to understand it's not going to go anywhere it's going to get worse he's going to lead you on forever or until the day that you walk away cuz he's never going to leave his wife he has a kid he has a child she's really stopped and think about what you're doing not only to his family but to you too I mean it's just as hard for you I can feel your energy and I know you hate going through this but you need to stop and get on with life believe me there's a billion guys out there that would love to be with you I can feel that too you have a very beautiful energy

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

The world is full of SINGLE men with no children. Ask yourself why you would CHOOSE a taken man with a newborn child who lives with another woman? Most women would IMMEDIATELY disconnect from such a man - so why do you move forward with such a relationship?

You are quite literally setting yourself up to be the side chick that's just used for sex. Why would you do that? You can't blame that on him - you've KNOWN he's with someone else and has a child, and you're still talking about being with him. This is YOUR choice.

alina177 · Accepted Answer

Yes. You know it. He just sees you as an object to satisfy himself

summiter · Answer

Just tell him that you want him to be exclusive with you. If he does not it is better to end it before you get hurt later on.

20yearsolder · Answer

How do you set boundaries, You sit his ass down and say this is how it's going to work or we're not going to be together anymore. Stand your ground.

Sixgunsound · Answer

Call him out on his BS, and if he doesn’t like that breaks it off he did you a favor.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

You're definitely just a sex toy. Now, whether that's a bad thing is up to you, but you're definitely just a sex toy.

Agagagagaga · Answer

Sorry but you’re just a piece of ass to him.

The reason he keeps bringing up “flashbacks” of how great the sex was is because while that may not be all the two of you have in common, it’s what’s important to him. By bringing it up he is reminding you of a shared experience (you could always talk or go on a date and talk about that, go do an activity like a museum or park) but instead he’s like “remember when we screwed? That was awesome! Maybe we could do that again? Hmmm?” 😉🙄

That’s literally all he’s doing. Not hanging out. Not getting to know you. Not taking you out. Not even really texting that much.

You’re the side chick. He has a baby and he’s still living with this lady (probably sharing a bed too) and then when it’s convenient, when he gets lucky, he gets to smash some 20 year old pussy.

Makeushiver · Answer

I'd love to have "just sex" with you

Ironic_Method · Answer

If he's only talking every few days you are certainly not a priority. Sounds like he's still more involved than he's letting on, but you should talk to him. Or better yet ask his baby's mama.

loveslongnails · Answer

You're as disposable to him as the diapers on his newborn. If you enjoy the sex and he pampers you enough and you have fun, use it for what it's worth. But any "real" emotional involvement on your part would be just, plain, dumb.