Am I overstepping boundaries by giving my brothers condoms?

Okay background. My family is baptist my parents especially my mom are very u save it for marriage yada yada. We are all very very close, seriously couldnt ask for better. I have 3 brothers 21, 17, and 15. The 21 year old has a serious girlfriend but he's also high functioning autism and is painfully shy. Now i know my parents arnt gonna give them condoms, they just say they shouldn't be having sex. But i know from experience myself that liklihood isn't happening. I doubt my brothers will go somewhere n ask for condoms or even go buy (at least at first.) I got pregnant at 18 in college and i dont want them to go through things I've had to. Am i overstepping bounds against my parents and as their older sister buy getting condoms n making sure theyre available.
2 5

Most Helpful Girls

  • From your parents viewpoint probably. From the viewpoint of an older sister I spoke to both of my brothers about sex. I let them know my door was always open and I wouldn't judge. When I found out they were having sex I pushed them to be safe. I went and bought condoms for my youngest brother because he was too embarrassed to get them himself. I found over the years that although they were close to my mom I was the one they called to ask about sex. Everything from a girl is passed out at a party and guys are taking her clothes off should I step in? To my friend came over she's been raped what I do? To can you drive my girlfriend and I to the clinic? To is it safer to wear two condoms?
    When I didn't know the answers I found them out. I took them for STD testing a couple of times. But mostly I tried to help them be responsible adult men who respected women.
    In our case my dad wasn't around so they didn't have a man to ask. Over the years both expressed that without my openness they wouldn't have known what to do. That schools sex ed and mom's wait until your in love didn't cover 10% of their questions. I didn't push but I tried to get that it's better safe than sorry. Did it piss my mom off occasionally yeah it did. Buy my brothers had answers and I felt that was more important. Over the years word got out to their guy friends that I would give honest informative answers to their questions. For years I had about half a dozen teens and young men calling me for advice. Even has adults and married men some still call me for a female perspective.

    I think as an older sibling the gift of your experience, live, and acceptance is one of the best gifts you can give your younger siblings.

    They are not always going to listen. One of my brothers end up having three different girlfriends miscarry. Sometimes your going to want to say I told you so or get mad. Try not to. They usually know they f*cked up.

  • Yes, you are overstepping. You are encouraging your brother to fornicate as you have. Just because it was your sin, it doesn't mean it will be his. The one who has to make that decision is your parents. He ca easily get the condom elsewhere. And guess what will tell your parents that you gave it to him. You should encourage him to wait. Period. If he really wants to experience that to marry her. He is 21. If he. ca wait this long, he can wait longer. And if his girlfriend is pushing he needs to find a new girlfriend who will respect his sexual chocies. I understand that you don't want him to get her pregnant. As I have seen this experience with close friends of mine. However, condom or no condom. If it is God's will for him to get her pregnant because of sin, it will happen. It's called Singapore marriage for a reason.

    Do not encourage it. For that is not love. You of all people should know better since you're the one that got pregnant. It's sad that you had not learned from your lessons. You better does not deserve to get hurt because you wanted to live in sin.

    • Sin before marriage*

  • It is simply not enough (and it never has been) to just say to anyone "oh, just don't have sex." You know the consequences in having a pregnancy young and the risks out there with people still getting all sorts of diseases from unprotected sex, so you aren't giving them condoms to encourage them, but to protect them should they go down that path. You are doing your part to help your siblings stay safe and maybe I get your parents POV that they may think it's only going to encourage them, but whether it does or not, ultimately, you and I'm assuming they, would rather have them be safe than sorry.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Are your parents obsolete? Did they do a bad job, or fail in their duty? You did say that they told you all not to have sex yet.

    None of my siblings and I were given condoms by our parents, in fact I know none of my male friends who were given condoms by their parents, we also did not give each other condoms.

    Ostensibly you're giving them condoms because you hold your parents parenting culpable for your getting pregnant young.

    You chose not to listen to them, but they should have given you condoms.

    Parent your own kids your way, if you want to assist your parents go to them with your concerns, and suggest that they educate your brothers about the risks associated not just with unprotected sex, but with casual sex, and dependency on sex for validation and emotional stability. (It's pretty common right now and it's causing a bit of an std epidemic)

    Let your parents who have been alive for probably almost twice as long as you, and are able to support themselves and their kids, teach your brothers about life.

    Then tell your brothers to heed their words.

    • FirstActually we used protection with my son it just doesn't always work. And i dont blame my parents at all for my actions. But i know my mom is very shy (i mean painfully) about this kind of stuff n my dad is busy a lot. Theyve always asked me questions I've always answered. I appreciate u putting in your opinion though, delivery was harsh but i get what u mean.

    • I knew it sounded a bit harsh, I was in a bit of a rush and didn't have time to moderate it, but I'm glad you heard the core message. Parents have the right to choose their parenting style and I think the condoms should have come from them, even if it was due to your prompting at the end of the day.

  • I wouldor have him buy them on Amazon. That's what I did. My mom didn't even know I had them, although I didn't really hide them. FYI, I have Aspergers Syndrome so I am also HFA. Condoms are pretty cheap, a lot cheaper than a child or even plan b.

    • I didn't even think of that! I live 2 houses down too. Thank u so much cuz he's actually the one i was most worried about not cuz he couldnt handle the conversation just he's so freaking shy with most things and were close but hed prolly glow red if the convo went further seriously fucking genius

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

18 41
  • Probably overstepping and your parents would be upset but at the same time I would so it anyway because it's important as you know.

  • No, you are being smart and wise and realistic. Your parents might not understand or agree, but they are letting their religious beliefs blind them to reality, and that's always dangerous.

    • Well i dont really plan on telling mum

    • You don't have to. My mom asked if my girlfriend and Iwere having sex and when and where I got condoms. So I told her. I bought them on Amazon.

  • So many had voiced out fine points so I'll try not to repeat.

    One more point i think, is to educate your Pastoral father and religious mother.

    Don't get me the wrong way. But being older does not necessarily mean wiser.

    Its true that the good book says fornication is sin.

    But the same book showed sex outside marriage and polygamy from as early as Genesis 4.19, to Abraham to King David to Jesus forgiving a prostitute by not casting the first stone.

    Not asking your parents to accept fornication, but instead to understand that it's a social "norm" recorded since Genesis.

    And it take a lot more than being self-righteous to NOT cast the first stone, hence becoming a follower of Lord Jesus.

    There are better ways to teach kids than forced-morality.

    This is strictly my personal opinion.

    • Honestly theyre awesome n my dad would literally be the last person to throw the stone. My mom is just more uptight about it. She good lady just I don't know if she knows what to say other than what she was told constantly

    • Then its time your parents condescend to the Millenniums world and find new approaches to reaching younger hearts. I don't mean they break Gods laws, but they should understand the changes over the past 30 years is greater than 100 years before industralization put together. So their approach to preaching "moeality" is no longer "Thou Shalt Not" but "Google Saith but (positive criticisms)". Even Jesus had shown that winsome words are not about punishment but about forgiveness. Hence TBH, they should preach, but "upgraded", with contraceptives as deterrents to free sex. Yes, deterrents to fornication, but for safer sex if needed.

  • No. You're doing what your parents should be doing. Be proud of yourself.

  • I don’t think so. You are saying they should have sex, just that if they do, it should be protected and helping with that part.

    • Ok thata my thinking too but i was hoping maybe some older parents would give me insight

    • Meant aren’t in the first part of that sentence

  • You’re just doing your part as an older sister, definitely not overstepping. I’ve bought my younger brothers condoms too. I don’t need mini versions of them running around!

    • Lmao

  • Not at all. You’re using common sense and want your brother to be safe as well as not having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.

  • Most definitely not overstepping your bounds! Wanting your brother to have safe sex and helping him towards that is great.

  • Sex isn't some horrible nasty thing. Its something that humanity relies on to continue to exist and its really just biology.
    So i think what you are doing is great, there is no point pretending they won't have urges. Just give them a safe environment and education.

    • Im right alongside with ya on that opinion

    • Uh, it’s not horrible but if I could waive a magic wand & make a kid focus on long term life goals & building their self confidence/courage/work ethic/ambition & to not think about sex till they’re 20s, I would. A kid doesn’t need sex. They may want sex. Not the same thing.

  • Im not even sure, i mean its great that you want them to practice safe sex and are acting on it... but from a guy POV... thats a little weird..
    For example... do you know what Size condoms to get? lol.. can you see how this can get awkward? cuz if you dont, well then the condom and gesture is wasted, but if you do... it just gets weirder.

    • I was just gonna buy all sizes n give them a couple of each n tell them n just keep givin em

    • Oh so

    • Oh so you haven't. I wouldn't recommend it... just my opinion. its just... weird.

    • Show All
  • Defenitley not. It’s for sure safer for them to not be having sex, but in all likelihood they are anyways. I know a couple people who’s lives could have gone a very different direction if they’d had access to a condom at the right time.

  • You are not overstepping your bounds.

    They will have sex if they want to, regardless of what you or your parents think.

    By giving them condoms, you are increasing their chances of having safe sex, but at the same time you aren't actually forcing them to do anything.

    I see literally nothing wrong with this picture. If your parents find out and get angry at you, then they are in the wrong.

    I don't really care about your religion simply because I don't see a religion as a valid tool for control. Your parents don't get to control their adult children just because of religion. If your parents were to dislike the condom thing because of your religion, that's their problem.

    • My dad is a pastor n hed prolly be happy if i did it instead of him, he's awkward with this type stuff. My mom is the one im worried will feel like i went behind her back.

    • You are protecting your brothers. That trumps your mom being mad. My cousin died of AIDS before there was a treatment. That is what you are protecting your brothers from and you should, also, tell them to get regular lab tests as well as ask that from their partners.

  • You are doing what is necessary

    Parents are often blind

    Then if your brothers knock some girl up, parents freak out over now having to get married

    • They wouldn't force marriage i also know the child would be loved very much by all of us. But u still would rather they not have one til ready.

  • With the minors, yes, because they aren’t your kids. Same as if you gave them booze against their parents wishes.

    Now, in the grand scheme of things it’s not going to do any harm probably but IF your parents find out it could cause them not to trust you or something.

    Your brothers could have just gone to the store & bought some.

  • You are not over stepping at all. You are a wonderful caring, helpful and loving sister and daughter. I salute you.

  • that's really awsome you are concerned for your family and brothers. I think it is out of place because you are projecting your fear and reality onto them, albeit it is with concern. I'd be freaked if my sister did that... to show up with that I think is too much. To have the painful discussion is appropriate. If parents can't deal with the reality, and they likely cannot, then ok, just talk to brothers. I'm quite sure they can make their own decision... and if they cannot, they won't be smart enough to use it when the urgency occurs.

    Should a person be armed with the breastplate of righteousness, helmet of salvation, and silcone protector of the family jewels? Sorry, had to make a joke to lighten the tone... were all human.. I hope:)

  • Only your brothers can say if you are overstepping your relationship with your brothers. Your parents need not know of this thoughtful concern to prevent your brothers from making the same mistake as you.

  • You’re doing the right thing. Good on you

    • Ty for sharing

  • My parents didn't give me condoms but I potentially had a completly different upbringing and took it upon myself to be stocked up just in case.
    If they haven't considered buying for themselves you have done right

    • Ok ty

  • I don't think you are out of bounds, I am familiar with those types of families. Are any of their partners on birth control?

    • I doubt on 2 of em

    • Then buy those boys some rubbers, and make sure they know how to use them if you are going to go that far. Sounds silly, but trust me, ignorance about condom use is widespread.

  • Show More (39)