Am I the asshole for freaking out over a nude?

So me and my boyfriend have a good relationship but what happened this morning just has me feeling all sorts of ways. I'll try to keep this short. Me and my boyfriend this morning do the deed and afterwards as I'm getting dressed for work my boyfriend begs to take a photo of me while I'm undressed. I'm very extremely self conscious about my body and have a hard time not even wearing a hoodie all the time including while doing the deed. after many desperate pleas to take a picture I agree and just stand for the photo. I start putting clothes on for work and I ask his what he's doing and says he was doing things to the picture and wouldn't show me cuz it "wasn't finished". I ask if he wants to drive me to work so we have a little more time to talk and he agrees so we get in the car and get going. I pick up his phone so I can put on music and as the screen turns on I see me. The photo that he took. He knows how self conscious I am and how hard it is for me to even take pictures like that because I don't like how I look at all when not wearing anything. I freak out and say what's wrong with you and he keeps asking what's wrong with it and why can't he do it. We've talked about this before and how uncomfortable it makes me yet when he actually did it this time he just kept saying "why" when I said it made me feel gross and that it's not ok. He kept trying to make it ok by reassuring that no one will see it even though it's his fucking lock screen. I deleted the photo before I got dropped off but I'm afraid when he picks me up he's gonna play victim or just be monotone when saying sorry like he just wants to get it over with...
Updates:
11 mo
Well... here's the update. He picked me up from work and tried to have a conversation like nothing happened. When he knew I wasn't picking up on conversation he says "so your just going to be like this for the rest of the day?" I don't think anyone would like that being said to them.. I tried to apologize for the way I reacted but was still not happy about it but then he said "well what do you want me to do?" As he's already irritated. We're just fighting now and don't know what to do.
11 mo
Update #2 he just left for work. Just more continuous fighting and he thinks it doesn't matter anymore because the picture is gone.. I just wanted a little more than a half ass apology. But he thinks I'm just being mad to be mad and that I'm causing problems. I'll just be here crying in my bedroom. Yay.
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Superb Opinion

  • No your not an asshole in your own way your trying to teach him. If you alow if to take the picture it means you trust him. And when he blows that trust. It passes you off and you start thinking what else has he done it make you feel things that you though were just common sense.
    I'm your girl friend wtf. Why would you do something so irresponsible with my picture it's out there for anybody to see I do understand where you're coming from and that's the point that has to be made to him

    And this us a good learning experience for everybody I mean this guy's your boyfriend and see what happens just think about the people sending nudes and it's not their boyfriend or girlfriend and I'm just as guilty as him I guess for sending my pictures to people but it's in that moment lol no I don't think you should argue about it I don't think she's fight about it I think you need to sit down and say this is what I feel and that you want to be able to trust him with things that you do together but that's between you and him and nobody else and he needs to understand that

Most Helpful Guy

  • He’s being an asshole and not respecting your say on a picture of you (doesn’t even matter that it’s a nude, but makes it worse) is a massive red flag. He needs to understand that he’s not only crossing a boundary, but being manipulative about it. Demand an apology.
    I’m sure you can be understanding and everything. He liked the picture and I’m sure he finds you good looking and wanted to give you validation. Those are meaningful things. But they don’t change that he’s being an asshole, that he needs your consent to use your pictures, and that it’s a huge red flag to convince you otherwise.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I don't think he cares about you... yeah, no. He doesn't.

    When you FRIGGIN LOVE SOMEONE? you don't get annoyed. (In the case where it's mutual and all).

    like how can two true lovers do any wrong?

    Anyways, I think your uncomfortable feelings were really from self than him having it.

    He responded poorly though...

    He got annoyed and didn't even TRY to understand where you were coming from. I'd leave him sis. He doesn't value your FEELINGS like he values your body sexually.

    He needs to mature himself.

    I do apologize and I'm friggin' glad you deleted it in time. Hopefully, you deleted it also from trash

  • No you told him your boundary and he should respect it. Him putting you as his locked screen is messed up too because not only did he cross that boundary but was willing to risk someone seeing you nude

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 10
  • You probably look very good especially to him, but he should respect your self consciousness and never have asked for a photo in the first place.

    • You may want to discuss respecting each other and both your boundaries going forward if the relationship is to work.

    • I'll try to but he's mad at the moment and usually doesn't cooperate until he's has a bit to actually think about how ridiculous this is... other bad things is that he leaves for work in about 30 minutes so it'll probably be left unresolved for the day

    • If that is how he usually is, it's probably best to let him think about it and realize how ridiculous it is on his own time rather than trying to force it, even it if takes him a day.

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  • I think you guys just need to take some time and space to decompress. He shouldn't have pressured you to take the picture and he definitely shouldn't have made it his lock screen. You probably could have handled the situation more delicately, but your boundary was being violated, so I get it.

  • Making it his lock screen is just dumb, you were wise to delete it.

    If he had just kept it in a password locked album or something thats one thing, but anyone can see his lock screen... the lack of respect for your privacy in that is staggering...

  • Were i in your shoes id have broken up with him for that. Seriously. As someone who works in Cyber Security and IT.. There is no guarantee that the nude won't get stolen some how and posted somewhere. You have every right to be PISSED..

  • Not really. Yes you could've handled it better. He's also an asshole for putting it as his lock screen.

    • I took what you said into consideration and tried apologizing but got it thrown back in my face... thank you for the reply though I do appreciate it

    • Now he's just being the asshole. But you're welcome

  • Why would he put that as his lock screen? Wtf?

  • No, but hopefully the lesson is learned to never send or allow a guy to take a nude.

  • Having your nude as his lockscreen is a problem, but having nudes of you isn't. You have to realize he likes how you look naked. All the flaws you see with your body are either unnoticed by him or not seen as flaws to him.

  • You both are

  • Yesss

  • Yes..

  • He shouldn't have put the picture as his lock screen or pressured you into doing something you weren't comfortable with. You aren't the asshole in this story, but you need to learn how to stand your ground. If you don't want to do something, don't do it.

  • Nah you are right on this one. Stand your ground

    • tell him you dont want your nude on his lock screen because other people could see it

    • I deleted the picture and replaced the lock screen with a random photo. He wasn't too happy that it's totally gone but oh well.

    • okay good. Did you delete it from trash folder too?

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