Girls, Any solid ideas on how I can convince my wife to let me in on her masturbating?

[JohnKalla]

Happily married to my wife for the last 7 years, have two kids 6 and 2. I have a high sex drive, much higher than my wife’s. Recently, within the past year, I’ve really stepped up my performance game and have improved our sex lives dramatically, but recently during some intimate post-sex pillow talk, I threw a question out there; was there ever a time you masturbated while we were dating or just after we got married? Thinking, hoping she might say yes. But, to my surprise, she started to snicker and said she does it all the time, as much as guys do it. I doubted that fact, but I couldn’t believe that she masturbates so often. She knows that I do, she knows I have a high sex drive. She says sex with me is great, best she’s eve had. I don’t get it then…

Don’t get me wrong, finding out this newfound knowledge has ignited something in me and I found myself really trying to figure out when did she do it last? Where does she do it at, it’s got to be while I’m home with her, because I work from home and she’s a stay at home mother. We have sex every other day to several times a month depending on life and moods. I find this super hot that she does this, and like I mentioned, I’m dying to know when, where, how, what does she think about and can I join her.

I did tell her that I thought that was very hot, I tried to find out the answers to my questions and she just said, it’s good to keep some mystery in relationships. I offered to get her off anytime she feels the urge, I’ll be right there, no strings, no sex, just pleasure for her.

So, I ask, do any of you have an idea on how I may re-approach this? I might be feeling jealousy, which is weird to me, it’s natural and she’s totally free to do this, I do think it’s very sexy, but I guess I just feel that since I’m always the one left needing it so often, that pleasuring her is my passion. Finding she does it in secret while I’m here in the house with her does make me feel a little stir-crazy. I want in!

[SueShe]

Just as the pink anonymous account states, your life in general is unhealthy. What is going to happen next, now that you know that she is uselessly manipulating her body to induce those spasm?

I will tell you what will happen next. You will start to spy on your wife to try to find out when she does it. You will surreptitiously follow her, perhaps even go as far as to install cameras in the house in an attempt to catch her. All that because of sex/pornography.

When you spy on your wife, you infringe on her privacy simply because you want to know. What about her privacy? Does it not count? Does your unhealthy fetish/kink have priority over your wife's privacy?

Ask yourself if you should perhaps seek the help of a specialist because what you will do, is to ruin the trust she has in you. Why do you think she never mentioned her manipulating her body? Because she does not trust you to leave her in peace. Ever again.

[PrettyPriya]

Sometimes, I’m at a loss for words. Thank goodness I have yours to rely on.

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya It saddens me that some people will go through great lengths just because they cannot control themselves. We do live in a sad world. Apart from that, I do wish you a most pleasant start in the week and enjoy the sunshine. Regards to Mr. B**.

[JohnKalla]

I do feel bad that I’ve come across like this, I really respect my wife and I would never do anything like that. It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind that I’m going to do such horrible things to her based on a 2000 character limit post I made, I don’t appreciate that, that was arrogant of you to make such assumptions. If I could I would have added more context to my post, so I’ll add it here and leave it at that, I don’t need your approval, I’m just sourcing other people’s thoughts on this sensitive matter. I’ve been upfront and honest with my wife about this all and she understands and thinks it’s funny that it turns me on. I only made this post to see what others thought about the situation or if they’ve ever come across this same thing in their relationship from either her side or mine. I assure you there is nothing malevolent here. I’m not angry, upset, or resentful about her masturbation. We just had one conversation about it and she didn’t seem bothered that I asked if I could learn more about it, obviously she said no and I will respect that.

[JohnKalla]

I just wanted to ask what would be a good way to talk to her about my feelings, a way to reapproach our conversation, because it’s been on my mind ever since. What am I hoping to get out of the conversation? A better understanding of the differences between intimacy between us and the urge to masturbate alone. I can answer the same question from my perspective, as I do it because I get the urge to and want a release, but would always desire to share that moment with her every time if she wanted. But I’m not sure if it’s the same answer for her, I think that’s what’s eating at me, is the why? If she says, because she needs a random release a well, then cool, I get it, but if it’s the cause of her lower libido, then that concerns me. We are happily married and we both really love each other, I don’t feel we have a bad sex life and she says it’s great. I also feel we have good communication between us, which is why we’ve been so open talking about these things. Once again, I’m not upset about it, just curious? I’m asking here, because it is a sensitive topic and I wanted to source other’s opinions if I should even ask or if I should clear the air. I hope this adds a little more context to my post SueShe.

[SueShe]

Thanks for your detailed point of view. I still pretend that if you spouse did not mention anything about that activity, it is because she would like to have some alone time for that occupation.

[JohnKalla]

No I get it, that’s why I won’t push anything on her, that would be terrible to do that to someone. For as well as I know her, my gut tells me that she knows I like the idea of it and that it’s a tease, but for now she is not going to give up that part of her private life, not that I would want her to give it all up, just sometimes would be a fun tease. I don’t expect anything though. She thought I was crazy for not assuming she already has been doing it. She laughed so hard and called me innocent. Lol She has only had smiles and laughs about the whole thing, at no point did I sense she was uncomfortable or that I was probing into her private space. I hope I’m making that clear, that she does not seem uncomfortable with me on this topic, just a totally understandable boundary she keeps. Thank you for being more understanding and hearing me out and all my stupid lengthy writing. Trust me this is how I talk to and it annoys the crap out of her. :D

[PrettyPriya]

As a married woman, I can tell you that you are just need to stop. Whatever, whenever or however she is doing this, she obviously doesn’t want you to see. It is painfully obvious from the detail part of you post she does this in private.

Ever wonder why she hasn’t invited you to be a part of this? I think that is exactly what you are wondering. It is because she doesn’t want you a part of this. Simples.

Whether it is embarrassing to her to have someone watch or she doesn’t want to be viewed as a circus act, she does this in private. While I am all about sharing my life and not keeping secrets from my husband, we all have private times. You need to respect that and obviously do not.

Just think about the amount of daily things in your house that you both do, both know about but don’t bring up. This would fall into that category. Just leave her be is my best and only advice.

[JohnKalla]

Thank you PrettyPriya, you have a good point, it’s obviously a private thing, we all have that and it’s essential we respect that and give each other our space, especially when living together and married for so long. To add more context to my original post, I made a comment to SueShe’s post, maybe that’ll explain things a little better and why I’m even posting on this site. But, bottom line is, you are right. I never had any intentions in ruining that, but I asked only because I found it curious and hot. She had recently asked me to tell her what I’m thinking or feeling and that she is a safe place to talk to her about anything sexual. I wonder if her saying that she wanted to know more about what I’m thinking sexually, that was a way to open the door to new excitement in our intimacy and feel more desired. At no point have I felt that she was upset at me for asking or uncomfortable, if so I would back off immediately.

[PrettyPriya]

Ah, understood. Yeah, it might be one of her boundaries right now. Something she feels a bit embarrassed about or doesn't want to have someone just watching her. Let me put it this way, I would feel as if I was performing for someone and would find that awkward. She may open up to the idea but right now sounds like she is a bit shy about it. Whatever she does, that is between you and her. Just don't push her if this is a boundary.

[JohnKalla]

<3 Okay, yeah I definitely wouldn’t want her to feel like she is putting on a show for me just to please me. That’s a huge turn off for me. I’ll let her take the lead on if she wants to do such a thing, she knows I’m interested and thinks it’s a turn on and she has been into a lot of new kinky things lately (main cause from her romance smut novels LMAO) But, I’m totally down to trying new things and having fun. Yet, it is extremely important to not be pushy, although this is one thing she told me to do with some things in bed, she likes assertiveness and me not being too considerate of her in bed. Which is difficult for me, because I’m not one to NOT consider someone’s feelings or place. She just wants me to rip her clothes off and jump her more than half the time. LOL

[PrettyPriya]

Communication is key. What is a turn off one day might be something she agrees to another time. Really depends on the person. I am the wrong person to ask about that as I am pretty vanilla by most standards when it comes to intimacy. But hey, it works for us.

[JohnKalla]

That is true, I opened the door to that and I’ll see if she ever wants to walk though sometimes. Now she knows, just as she’s asked me to do some kinky things she’s read about in her many many romance novels. For me, I aim to please, it’s more fun for me to please her then for me to get pleased and she can’t understand why so many men are like that. Thank you PrettyPriya for being more understanding now, I know it was due to my terrible writing, so it was my fault. I’ll likely just delete this terrible post if possible. I’m kinda embarrassed now that several people thought that of me from it. Lol

[Disha10]

I think it's not right thing to wish for. Every now and then you can pleasure her while having sex but if she wants to masturbate alone sometimes then you shouldn't feel bothered about it in any way. Everyone enjoys their private time.

[JohnKalla]

That us true, I know that is the moral thing to aim towards, but first finding that out, made me excited and turned on, all while finding myself strangely feeling like I wanted to get in on this sexy private time I’m missing out on, maybe it’s jealousy, but I wouldn’t say it was in an unhealthy way, it’s not like I’m mad at her or this is affecting our sex lives. I do respect her privacy and understand we all need that. I did express my interest in wanting to know, because maybe it’s a kink of mine I’m not aware of, she obviously didn’t want to share and seemed to prefer to keep her private time a secret. Which is disappointing to me, if I knew she was masturbating in the other room, then it would drive me nuts, with me wanting to join in or be there for her to please her as selflessly as I can, but just simply knowing is also a huge turn on. Do you think this is weird or understandable?

[Dinklex3]

Respect her boundaries and let her have some private time.

You sound very self centered.

[JohnKalla]

I will, I would never infringe on that, and we all need to have a safe private space in relationships. I get that. I am not pushy either. If you are curious, I replied up above to SueShe with a couple posts that add more clarification to my original post. I believe I wrote it poorly and did come across as some pervert asshole husband. :( Can you tell me why you think I sound self-centered? I don’t consider myself that and my wife doesn’t either. I thought this site was a safe place to post your thoughts and personal questions of what on your mind?

[Anonymous]

If you are married and still masturbating, your sex life is real trouble.

[BrookeS]

😂😂😂

[JohnKalla]

I don’t agree with this at all. My wife seems to not care when I do it, but she knows I would always be open to having fun with her, but having two kids and finding the right time to engage in sex is tricky. I have zero issues with her masturbating, I don’t feel insecure about our relationship or our sex life, but I’m just curious why would she do it? I did ask her and she said something along the lines of, because sometimes sex is this whole long act. We do enjoy our sex lives and we both feel happy.