Are dominant girls real or just a fantasy?

[AlainD]

Now I'm not talking about the kinky kind of dominance where the woman wears latex and wields a whip although that's freaking hot 😂 not going to lie but let's leave that for the bedroom.

I'm talking about the kind of woman who will pursue a guy she's interested in and someone who's a natural leader, bossy but not in a mean way, a woman who approaches a man and asks him out like she's just picking up some groceries.

A girl on this site described herself like this but i don't know if she was actually saying the truth or just giving me hope.

[SteveSmith1985]

Yes. Women like that absolutely do exist. It's simply a personality type (or rather its a feature of several different personality types). I've known many women like that.

I've always had a lot of female friends, and girls like that have been among those friendships for sure. In fact one of my best friends is very much a girl like you describe. Personally, I don't like that in a romantic partner (to each their own). But I can tell you for damn sure that women like that exist. And they aren't even all that rare. So you should have some hope. If that's what you're looking for... they are indeed out there.

[AlainD]

Awesome 👍🏻 any tips on how to make myself more approchable to these women? Like subtle signs, i can't be too forward because i'm a shy guy but i can give signals.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well... see that's the thing... No matter how dominant; take-charge; strong-personality; or anything else a woman might be... she's still going to expect YOU to approach her. Trust me... I tell girls all the time that that's bullshit. I will reason with them, shame them, appeal to their sense of justice etc. They don't give a fuck about any of that. They don't care that they don't even pretend to have a defense for their position on this. They just... feel it should be a guy who approaches them, and have zero interest in changing their view on that. Girls willing to approach guys is quite rare. It does happen sometimes, but it's rare. And it seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with whether a woman is of the take-charge, dominant type. You would THINK a girl like that would be the type willing to "take charge" and approach a guy they like. That would make a whole lotta sense. Unfortunately, despite this... it's not gonna happen. You can assume these women are exactly as likely to approach you as any woman is. That is to say... the chances are zero (for all practical purposes). So I can certainly tell you how to give subtle signs of your interest. Just understand, that even if you make your interest unmistakeably clear to her... she WILL NOT make the first overt move. Not a chance. She will complain to her girlfriends and wonder what's wrong with you for not making a move. You cannot do anything to make yourself more approachable. You will not be approached. What you can do, however, is signal your interest, and see what signals she sends you back. The idea is, that once you get to the point where she starts getting (legitimately) annoyed and frustrated that you haven't asked her out... you're already confident enough that she likes you back... that asking her out isn't a huge risk because you're pretty sure she'll say yes.

[SteveSmith1985]

The way to send those signals without being too forward comes down to: "Paying her extra attention, in a way that she notices" That can take on a million forms. But the easiest and clearest way you can do this, is to: "Always seeming to want to be near her". She should pick-up on the fact that... you seem to go out of your way to put yourself close to her. She should start thinking: "Gee... he sure does seem to like to come over and talk to me (specifically and in particular) more than other people seem to find their way into a conversation with me" Or even the very general: "I can't help but notice he always wants to be standing or sitting next to me... in any and all situations. Why does he always seem to want to be around? Does he have feelings for me"? And basically any other thing, that shows you're paying her, in particular extra attention. Let her catch you staring at her from across the room before you look away (or if you've got the balls, give her a smile rather than look away). All those little things that people do... almost automatically when around the person they like. But again, that's if there's some specific woman you're interested in. Not for finding a woman like that in general. I'm afraid though, that the reality is... you're going to have to somehow become ok with approaching (even if you make a move after preparing some groundwork to be pretty confident she likes you back). Because there is nothing you can do that will make women (of any type) approach you. Never count on that. You need to work on getting yourself around to making the first overt move. (although a woman will flirt her ass off and make it very clear she likes you... it's not going anywhere unless YOU make the first overt move)

[AlainD]

Then that means only one thing, i'm fucked because i won't approach her, i just don't have the confidence to do that, i wish i was dead.

[SteveSmith1985]

Nah man... you're not fucked. Not unless you dig-in-your heels and absolutely refuse to budge in your position that you won't approach (which... is exactly what women are doing on this issue). It really depends on the type of "approach" situation we're talking about. If you mean trying to pick up a girl at the pub, club or grocery store... then... yea, you're pretty fucked. But so are most other guys. Even the ones who aren't shy. A situation where you're 'approach' entails walking up to a complete stranger, and overtly hitting on her in hopes of securing a date (since this is the one and only change you've got. You won't see this woman again)... those are hard for anybody. So hard that they are pretty well off-the-table for all but those few guys with an unhealthy, reckless level of self-confidence. And... I don't even want that degree of self-assurance. So basically, almost no guy is going to be comfortable approaching a woman in a situation like that. But... in a situation where there is some particular girl you're interested in, say, at work. Or somewhere that you're going to see her over and over again. When you've got a little time to work with before having to make any overt approach. THAT is when you need to become comfortable doing an approach. And it's really not as risky as you're thinking. Not if you lay that groundwork and get ample evidence that she's going to say yes when you ask her out. This actually doesn't require guts at all. The reason approaching a woman is nerve-wracking is the prospect of being rejected, or of looking/seeming bad in the execution of that approach. It's an inherently nerve-wracking prospect (especially in the abstract. When it's not even a particular woman you're considering approaching).

[SteveSmith1985]

But if you do your flirting, and she flirts back... and that keep going in ever-clearer signs of interest being sent back and forth (over the corse of day or more often over weeks). But you basically get her to show you very very clear "proof" that she likes you during that flirting process. It's literally only the actual "move" you're expected to make. She will help walk-you-right-up-to-the-edge where it almost becomes awkward for you to continue NOT making a move. Like she will have no problem making it super-clear to you that she WANTS you to make a move. And in those cases, honestly, it's not even a risk. You KNOW she's going to say yes. Her behavior over the course of flirting with you makes an answer of "no" a zero-percent possibility. So don't get too hung-up on the approach part. It's not hard to approach a girl when you're 99% positive she likes you and WANTS you to ask her out. It's really just a totally different thing than the approach you're worrying about. You CAN find the confidence to do this. It doesn't even take any confidence. It's voicing something that you both already know (that you like each other and want to move things to the next level. Usually that'd be asking her out on a date. Coffee or whatever). But since you both know what's up... there's no risk, no surprises, and no real chance things won't go well.

[SteveSmith1985]

Those situations, where you've got someone you see regularly (work, or book club or whateverthefuck)... that's what you're looking for. Forget about the random girls you run into once (at the pub or the grocery store). If your shy, then you're never gonna be ok with that kind of approach. That's fine. Most guys aren't. But you can totally work the situation where you see a girl over and over again. Just flirt, let her flirt back... and after that escalates for a while, you should be confident of getting a "yes" when you ask her anyway. You're not fucked. Not unless you dig in your heels on this. Becauwse if women absolutely refuse to approach (and generally, they do refuse to even consider it) and you also absolutely refuse to approach... then yes, you're fucked. But a shy guy can totally do the longer-term approach. You're gonna have to get your head around the reality that you've got no choice. But it's not as scary as it seems when you're imagining it.

[Anonymous]

No. When I had just turned 30 I met this girl in a club, she was gorgeous and very funny. We went back to her place and f*cked all night. Couldn't believe her hot little body a pert little tits, so pretty. Way out of my league. To my shock in the morning she was getting dressed into her school uniform, turned out she was only 15. I got out of there as nice as I could and ghosted her, blocked her number. She came by my flat still in her school uniform and I said I couldn't see her because she was underage though I thought she was a great girl. She like most girls don't like rejection, she threatened if I stopped seeing her she would go to the police and say I took advantage of her in her drunken state. Anyway I had no choice, I dated her for the next 3 years until she went off to college. She was an amazing girl, I really loved her and was sad when she went away. She's a barrister now.

[Anonymous]

Outside the bedroom there are plenty of dominant women. I watched a really interesting video. A high-powered female lawyer played a very dominant role in the workforce. But she craved being dominated in the bedroom, but her husband couldn’t manage it. (this is common)

So they flew to Vegas and hired a dominant male escort. She needed to at least try it. She loved it. Now you can go on Fetlife and see people calling themselves switches, but to me that’s just playing a role. I can put on a witch's costume on Halloween, but that doesn’t actually make me a witch.

[AlainD]

Women don't make the first move, that's why i'm fucked

[Opinion Owner]

If you're using online dating, you can greatly increase your odds of them making the first move by sending them a like. It's easy and shows interest. Don't look for a dominant woman, she will make your life a living hell.

[AlainD]

Okay but the problem is like i said, women expect the man to make the first move and literally do everything for her while all she does is look pretty, i really wish i was a normal man but i'm not.

[Opinion Owner]

She won't see your like unless you both push the like button. So you are equal.

[Anonymous]

I am a woman like that. I don't care how it makes me look, if I'm interested in a man and I'm given the opportunity I'll take it. I asked out my last boyfriend.

[AlainD]

You are worth gold 🪙 in my eyes You look like a Queen, that's how it makes You look to me. Maybe i should just smile and look approachable because if i act like a miserable chump my odds will be almost zero, at least by looking friendly i'm opening the door for an awesome woman like You.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww that's so sweet! Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm sure you will definitely find someone who makes you happy. Body language is definitely a HUGE thing when it comes to attracting people. Smiling, open/confident body posture, being outgoing and friendly, being respectful, all big things people look for. Another thing that could potentially help is actively caring about and putting effort into your appearance. Dressing in nice/well fitted clothes, looking stylish, clean shaven face, whiter teeth, well taken care of hair, smelling nice (using scented deodorant or cologne--not too much, just enough for people to notice), these are all major things that can attract a partner.

[AlainD]

Yes and by looking friendly and approachable, if the woman is dominant she will take it from there but i gotta make it look like i like her at least.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes! See you already know lol you got this bro. Good luck, hope it all goes well for you! It was nice chatting

[moviedude714]

That's epic how did you and him meet

[ChooChooHaha]

Yes.

Will I make the first move? Yeah, if I'm up for it.

[SnowedIn]

They are real.

[Kaneki05]

They are in the lower precent so they will always sadly seem impossible to find but they exist. Though as time goes on more generations will get theses as outdated thinking leaves. if you already 31 then sadly your kinda in a bad spot for this shift unlike me.

[jamesgoldman]

Real, I've dated a couple

[AlainD]

Do they make the first move?

[jamesgoldman]

Both cases yeah

[AlainD]

@stevesmith1985 said that women never make the first move so i felt a shockwave of despair hit my soul.

[jamesgoldman]

To be honest it later turned out they spent weeks being subtle but I was oblivious so they 'upped the ante'

[AlainD]

What does that mean?

[jamesgoldman]

One spontaneously kissed me and the other blew me in a drunken stupor on her father's couch

[AlainD]

Shit, those are some brave women, i wish i had their courage but at the same time i'm happy they exist.

[jamesgoldman]

Indeed so am I as they are still strong

[AlainD]

I guess @stevesmith1985 is wrong.

[jamesgoldman]

I don't know about that, they were European, It's different in the US I'm sure

[SteveSmith1985]

@alaind Now, I make no claim to be like an all-seeing-god or anything. It's entirely possible that I'm wrong. All I can base my opinion on are my own experiences and observations. That being said, I do tend to talk to a shitload of women about their feelings and views of men (on GAG, but before that in life, for female friends). So don't ever take anything I say as objective truth. It's truth as far as I understand it. I feel like I know what I'm talking about. Because of course I do. Now it's not that women never ask men out. Simply that it's so rare that it makes no sense to ever count on that. I've had... fuck... I donno... maybe 15ish girlfriends over the course of my life. I've been approached ONCE. Plus I have had so so so many conversations about this with women on here. So many times I've urged girls to just approach the guy they like so much and who clearly likes them back. They simply refuse. Outright. They dont' care that they can't justify it. It's a non-starter. They generally aren't willing to budge on that. Even the girls you would expect to be of the type who wouldn't be bothered by approaching. So, yea dude. I could totally be wrong. I don't think so, but that's to be expected. So take what I tell you, along with what this dude's telling you, along with every other piece of information from other people and from your own observations and experiennce... and WEIGH THEM however seems appropriate to you... and come to your own conclusions. Don't assume any single person has everything totally figured out. I'm not claiming to either.

[UncleBilll]

They are but they are psychos

[OddBeMe]

Anyone can be dominant. And too dominant. Personalities aren’t bound by gender.

[jimmy2]

They are out there

[Anonymous]

They exist, but they are undesirable to most men.

[AlainD]

They are desirable to me.

[Opinion Owner]

You're a sub guy then?