Are lovers who deny physical intimacy on a consistent basis selfish?

I think so because even if I had no sex drive, I would pleasure my partner everyday with toys, my mouth and my fingers. I don't care if I'm getting anything from it, it's like a massage. You don't get anything from a massage but you do it because you love the other person and making them feel good makes you happy and they will do the same to you!

"Oh my hormones are off so I'm just going to shut down all physical intimacy FOREVER. Fuck what my man or woman wants."

Okay, didn't know you were an animal without any self-control or empathy 😂👍

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I used to think so at first but I don't think it is, women are very different from men and need many factors for sex to be enjoyable, it's not just about physical for them, if sex wasn't as pleasurable and enjoyable for us men as visual creatures after a while why would we want to keep doing it? If anything blame how they were made, it's aggravating but it is what it is if you wanna date women. If it goes on too long and you've communicated about it and nothing changes just simply leave the relationship

    • Yeah, I'm not going to force them or anything of course. If they don't give me what I want and it won't change in my favor? I will leave.

  • Obviously the correct answer is “maybe/maybe not” .

    People get in sex slumps. Stressors at work. Problems in the relationship.

    There are certain things that get my wife hot. Doin the dishes and cleaning m side of the bed gets her wet as Niagara Falls.

    • Oh well shit if it's that easy all I need to do is find a woman xD I mean more the situation where a person in a relationship suddenly feels like they are into it anymore and they cut off sex forever rather than just break up.

    • If that were the case sex wouldn’t be the issue. Just the weapon.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Jesus Christ the amount of men that said yes astounds me...
    It's not selfish. It's just having personal space and boundaries. You're not dating just for the sex, right? The relationship comes first, physical intimacy is just a perk. You don't owe your partner sex, you owe them emotional availability and respect 😐

    • If they expect me to be sexually exclusive to them? They absolutely owe me sex. If they say no for too long, I will break up and find somebody else. I am pretty understanding when people are depressed or sick, but I will notice if they are not actually into me and I will move on to someone who is.

    • But I already have plenty of people I love and don't fuck. Those are called platonic friends.

    • Physical intimacy is non-negotiable in a romantic relationship. It's either going to happen at some point or I'm going to leave.

    • Show All
  • agreed

    makes sense to me

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 15
  • no one can force you to be with an asexual person... they have their preferences, and you have yours. If they don't match and you can't negotiate break up...

    • Yeah, although some people are unlucky enough to be trapped in a marriage.

  • EXTREMELY self centered , just get to it , and DO it !

    • Riiight? It's not even that difficult to make a guy or girl orgasm really.

    • And it shows them that you are still attracted to them.

    • Exactly , so many ways around it , Suck his cock and balls , nearly bring him to climax , then if she genuinely doesn't feel like it , lie on her side and take a SOLID Pounding from behind -- How in the fck could that be difficult?

  • I've only seen this in marriages. This game wouldn't work at any other level.

    • Yeah because the man or woman can leave when the other partner shuts down much more easily if they are not married. Some people try to use marriage as a way to trap others into tolerating selfish behavior in my opinion.

    • And after a divorce happens, the selfish person will go back to offering up the party favors to the new people.

  • I say yes. There is a whole subreddit on this topic. If you can handle some depressing stuff.. r/deadbedroms

    • Yeah, that subreddit is a lot of bitterness and a lot of excuses.

    • I can't even imagine. Some of those posters talk about 2, 3, 5 years without it like it's nothing...

  • People that deny their partners sex is usually because of other reasons like they aren't mentally or physically attracted to them anymore so I can't blame them for not wanting give them any pleasure. It's selfish but for a good reason

    • At that point just break up.

    • I think they hold out hope that their partners could change into something they are attracted to

    • What is lacking in that scenario is communication.

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  • " if "

    if scenarios are all talk...

    I've never been in that situation myself

    • Neither have I but go ahead and look in the dead bedroom subreddit for some horror stories.

  • That's not a lover, that's a friend. She will get all the rights and responsibilities afforded to that station, and nothing more.

  • I'd say so if the reason wasn't valid, if her sex drive is higher than my recovery period i'd still love to use toys / oral on her.

    • It's not like most people would really ask for much. Even just once or twice a week is so much better than cutting it off completely. Is it so bad to want a lover who enjoys pleasuring you even if they are not getting off at the moment? What the fuck is wrong with people?

    • There is also a deeper issue, if I go in to a relationship with someone I grant her my sexual exclusivity. That does come with the expectation that we mutually keep each other sexually satisfied. If she was not willing to fulfill my sex life what point is there in being sexually exclusive?

    • ^^ exactly 💯 And I don't think they truly romantically love me if they don't even want to satisfy my desires which take barely more effort than a massage.

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  • Yes I am, if my partner denied me sex and kink I would betray her;

    • Whoa there, might just want to break up instead.

    • Yes also

  • They just have not chosen to give themselves to the relationship.

  • When this happens it usually signals some sort of problem with the relationship.

    • A lack of communication being a primary issue.

  • Yes, they are being selfish.

  • Sometimes it is great just to cuddle nude in bed without sex while going to sleep.

  • Qualified yes. If there are major health considerations then I would understand limited intimacy but still has to be some even if it's holding hands.

    • Even if I was paralyzed completely, I would use my brain waves to tell the machine speaking for me some dirty things for my woman while she masturbates in front of me. There is always a way.

    • ^ 💯. I love your attitude, Jux!

    • @Jamie05rhs thanks! It's perverse but romantic to me because a couple should always want to be intimate with each other in some way in my opinion.

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  • Yes. Also control freaks. If they are borderline A sex well figure something out. If the other is addicted to sex get therapy.

    • I figure once or twice a week wouldn't be too much to ask from someone who lives with you, right?

    • Not at all. Depending on age every night wouldn't be to much, ofcourse with no life altering events occurring.

    • Yeah that's what I think but apparently we are sex obsessed pigs or something according to some people who think romantic relationships shouldn't even necessarily involve sex.

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  • Sex as a weapon is never acceptable.

  • Just stupid/

  • No. They are unsatisfied. Maybe if you get them off they will let you use their body more loser.

    • You assume I am projecting a problem I have onto this question when in reality I ask questions about human behavior that has nothing to do with me all the time. But since you're so concerned, I get both men and women off more times than me whenever we have sex. It's easy.

    • Are lovers who deny physical intimacy on a consistent basis selfish?

    • Wow, apparently you are a shitty lover!

      Are lovers who deny physical intimacy on a consistent basis selfish?

      Guys, is it a turn off if a woman convulses during orgasm? ↗

      You're a fuckin' hypocrite who can't even enjoy the pleasure of his lover. Yikes!

    • Show All