Are you , also, afraid of sex?

Not just sex. Anything sexual. When my heart starts pounding my brain = panic. I was terrified when I lost my virginity , so afraid I thought I may die from stress. It took me about 5 years to be comfortable with my boyfriend, and even now 8 years sometimes the fear returns, I’m high maintenance and requires a lot of TLC at all times. Fingering is so terrifying I’m afraid something bad will happen. Oral is also terrifying, I feel that’s way too much control to give to someone else. Sex also, it puts me into a vulnerable position way past my comfort zone. Doesn’t matter what position. It’s way too special and intimate, but also intimidating. 8 years with my current boyfriend and he’s just now teaching me how to make out , but I have so much stress I feel my heart will just give out. It’s painful. I just freeze up.

my boyfriend is trying to explain to me this isn’t normal, most people just enjoy sex. But I can’t understand why people wouldn't be terrified? I find the humping motion traumatizing af. It’s all so traumatizing but I’m slowly learning to deal with it all. How come people are ok being so vulnerable? It’s so scary.
also, I always thought love = sex? If it’s not love , then what is it? Does that mean he doesn’t love me whilst we have sex? Does he forgot about me and just does sex? Im so confused , im way too sensitive to comprehend loveless sex. Whenever I try to ask him what sex MEANS it just goes in an endless circle with me. Sex is like something out of this universe and its always been overwhelming.

im not sure if it matters but I have a condition that means my erogenous zones have 5 or 6x the amount of nerves endings then an average person. So it IS much more intense for me then the average female.

im so confused if I’m normal or not. Is this what they call a prude?

0 5

Superb Opinion

  • yeah, it's normal. It's called 'Performance anxiety". People often get them because they're afraid they won't be good enough for their partner. Like for example, a guy gets nervous before sex because he's afraid after he sticks it in, he's going cum once he starts thrusting, or girls get nervous because they're afraid they won't be wet enough, or they won't make the guy feel good.

    I had a friend who always got nervous before sex because she was afraid she would be too messy because she squirts when she cums. She was afraid when she squirted, it would freak the guy out because when she squirts, it gets all over the guy, and also goes everywhere.

    Some people get nervous because of the way it sounds, or because sex has a smell. It's normal to feel afraid. The best thing to remember is you are sharing your body with someone else, you both want to make each other feel good, it's going to be messy, sex has a smell, there has to be humping motions in order for it to feel good.

    And also remember, there is nothing wrong with your body. You're not going to look weird. People make faces when they cum, people moan, and both your bodies are going to get sweaty and messy. It's OK to be scared, but don't let your mind overthink it. Once you start having sex more again, the less awkward it will be. Once you face a fear, and keep working on facing it, the more better you'll feel.

    • I don’t think I have performance anxiety, I’m not worried about my performance. Just whenever my heart rate speeds up my brain will equate that to = Panic? And I’ll get anxiety attacks where I convulse and can’t breath

Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I don't know what just happened but between your question and those extra things down there you're talking about and the question right before this about sex things

    You two girls have scared me straight you two girls need to start going to schools , telling your stories because I don't ever want to have sex again my God what's going on.

    What extra things down there why do I feel so scared now
    I don't know if I'm never going to be able to kiss the girl again.

    Does dateline know about this I mean how did you get all these extra things down there where does it come from the all girls have them

    And you ask if your boyfriend loves you 8 years if that's not love I don't know what is

    Okay first things first
    He needs to tell you to get undressed put a blindfold on he needs to promise you that he's not going to penetrate you let him break you in slowly 8 years my God he must definitely love you
    That is for sure but what he needs to do get you undressed put a blindfold on you you sit up on top of him let him take control of your hips with his hands and let him slow motion slide you forward and back just keep doing this slowly very slowly as you slide up on top of his thing and he pushes you back have him slide you up against it stick it up in the air grab a hold of it just fill what it feels like see what kind of emotions it gives you I mean there's all kinds of different ways I'd go about it but I don't know I think you changed my life forever what kind of things are down there what kind of extra things that other women may have or may not

    This is worse than those prison movies scared straight I don't know anymore that scares me you go to schools until the story there isn't going to be any boys screwing any girls extra things down there

    No I really don't know what to say except for you have a good boyfriend he's very patient and he's a good guy I would think you want to hold on to him

Most Helpful Girls

  • I do experience this sometimes like my body is to sensitive and I have to much anxiety to feel pleasure. I've learned to get over it but does creep back up sometimes where I just can't handle it. Usually it's foreplay that can cause a problem so I skip straight to sex to avoid those feelings of being overly sensitive/uncomfortable

    • Yeah I am waaaaay too sensitive it’s insane

  • yes... i have a tilted uterus so that doesn't help...

    • Thank you for MHO

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 13
  • If you're not trolling and what you wrote is really your experience, then I would say it's an eye-opening read for me.

    I understood the awkwardness and shyness that exists when we were virgin and not experienced with sex.

    But my wife and I took the challenge to live a sex-filled lifestyle and we overcame all the negativity related to sex within our first year of marriage.

    After that, everything is about surviving the material world, kids, and yes, sex. Lots of sex.

    To conclude, I think mental determination and good communication skills are needed to make intimacy less awkward. Then with frequent orgasmic lovemaking, you should enjoy, even crave sex.

    All the best. Hope you find a solution to help you enjoy the most carnal of human experience, sex.

    • Oh, it’s not awkward. I just have anxiety. He knows how to handle it. And I do crave sex , but when it comes down to it it can be difficult.

    • Truly, I can empathise the conflict that exist inside you. But as a man of logic, I don't have and won't suggest any solution. I just hope you can relax, enjoy the intimacy and orgasm and engage in relaxing sex like we do.

  • Did you have a conservative upbringing?

    Reading what you are going trough makes me wonder if you were sexually assaulted when you were younger.

    You should seek some counseling to help you with this problem.

  • We all are different and have different fears. Maybe see a sex counselor to get professional help. Do you ever orgasm form sex or oral?

    • Yes .

  • I'm fearful of not being able to satisfy the female with my penis, so I prefer to service her orally and encourage her to date guys who can properly please her in a more traditional manner.

  • I have some performance and equipment anxiety.

  • A prude is a self righteous judgmental b! tch. You just lack confidence and it seems you have some self esteem issues. So did I. I went about fixing my issues in a way that caused more issues.

    if you’re with a guy that you love…commit to asking detailed and uncomfortable questions and find answers. The “unknown” is kicking your butt emotionally and psychologically. Knowledge is your friend.

    you might not trust what you’re boyfriend says because you might feel like he has an agenda (I don't know), then find someone you absolutely trust and seek their counsel.

    when I was young I made a lot of mistakes. I learned a lot in the process. So now I’m full of knowledge and wisdom but your generation doesn’t want to hear it (I’m not judging you. This is the generational dilemma that guarantees further hardship).

    • I feel I don’t lack confidence and I trust him completely

    • Then relax and enjoy it. If you’re that at peace with him then relish it…that’s the goal of all humanity. To be vulnerable and know that you’re desired and loved and safe…what more could you possibly hope from another human being?

    • If that’s what you found then I’m so happy for you.

  • I'm not afraid of it, I miss it

  • No, not ever, lol. Not even when it was my first time.

  • I’m waiting until marriage, and I imagine that will help a lot.

  • That's probably very common.

  • No way, I'm not afraid of it. I am a virgin though.

  • Not a prude, a phobia

  • Afraid no. Nervous sometimes yes