Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I am not going to reveal where I am from. All I can tell you is my country is deeply conservative when it comes to women's rights, gender roles, sex and things like that. This is a story of my struggle of living in such society as a bisexual woman.
Beginnings
I started feeling that I am different than girls around me when I was 14. I had found my elder brother's collection of men's magazines which he hid from my parents. It had naked women. They were incredibly beautiful. I compared myself to them. I was butt-ugly in front of them. They had big breasts. Mine were smaller. They were completely smooth, hairless. I had small amount of hair almost everywhere. They had even skin tone. Mine was darker in some places. I could look at those women for hours and never get tired.
My female friends, on other hand would rarely look into such magazines. At 15, I was curious about sex. Like most teens. There was no sex ed in my country. But I had internet. I watched porn with vengeance. I watched almost all categories out there. Including lesbian porn. I liked it all. Most arousing thing for me was oral sex.
First Taste of Romance
A guy who was member of library I used to go to, asked me out. I was 17 at that time. He was cute and loved same books as me. That was enough to start going out with him. Of course, our respective parents didn't know about it. We used to talk about books, music. When weren't talking , we used to make out. We had to be very careful when we made out. Fear of getting caught spiced things up for us ;). Every makeout session was an adrenaline rushing adventure!
I didn't have sex with him though. But it seemed perfect. Probably because I didn't know anything better.
I still used to watch porn secretly. I used to watch lesbian porn more.
Realization
We broke up. I don't want to get into details. We were together for good 7 months.
I started watching porn more frequently. I had really uncontrollable urge to watch lesbian porn. What was happening to me? It felt weird. I tried to watch 'normal' porn more. I used to get same arousal by watching normal porn as well as lesbian porn. I indirectly asked my female friends about it. None of them had affinity to lesbian porn, as much as me.
I was baffled. I was clueless. There were days I stopped watching porn completely. But then I used to go back to it.
When She Walked into My Life...
She was living in apartment across hall and was in Art's school. She was my age. We be became good friends. I started spending quite a time in her apartment. My parents often invited her over for lunch or dinner.
She was beautiful in an unconventional way. Olive skin. Big brown eyes. Short curly hair. Long and slender fingers.
As she was in Art's school, she needed model to practice on. I volunteered to become model for her.
One day, she was making a sketch of me. I was just sitting in chair and reading. She suddenly said 'gosh, you are beautiful'. I looked up and was like 'OK?'.
'Do you think I am lying?'
'I don't know. But why you said that suddenly'.
She came closer and said
'Because I felt like saying it. Your waist length black hair, your eyes. It's simply beautiful'
We kept looking at each other. Her face was really close to mine.
I don't know who initiated it, but we kissed. On one hand I wanted it to stop but on the other hand, it was feeling so good! It was same as kissing my ex.
We did many other things, except sex, after that.
When I came home, I sat in shower. Trying to make sense of what had just happened. I was ashamed of myself. My body. Because society I was living in said that people who do things I did are despicable. I was despicable.
I decided to avoid her and break all ties with her. I couldn't. I went back to her. We had sex and it was surreal. It was beyond words. We lay in tight embrace for long time.
I fell in love with her. Head over heels. I almost started living in her apartment, I used to go home only for sleeping. My parents didn't suspect anything. They just thought we were 'very good friends'. I loved everything about her. The way she made my nudes, the way she listened to me talking-with her chin on her palms, the way she used to make tea.. everything. We spent time reading books together, we went to nightclubs which used to close down before 2 PM (that's how it is in my country). We danced together. She wasn't good at it. I used to dance alone as she looked at me from bar stool while sipping her mojito. I can never forget look of admiration in her eyes.
All beautiful things come with an expiration date...
She went to Paris for further education. Our relationship just fell apart with distance. I was left alone in this country, to deal with reality. I was Bisexual. I liked girls as much as guys. Girls are supposed to like guys only. According to my country's law, I was illegal. I was a criminal.
What about my parents? How was I supposed to tell this to them?
I was afraid. I was in pain. I lost my appetite. As a result I lost 20 pounds. I weighed almost 100 lb beofre by the way. I started looking sick. I hate to admit this, but I cut myself once. One day, I fainted in college. I was admitted to hospital. Doctors said that I was under stress. My parents probed around but I refused to say anything.
Joining LGBTQ Association
I embraced my sexual orientation. I decided to join pride parades. I made sure that I wore masks, so as to keep my identity secret. I met so many people like me. They were facing similar issues. Some had it worse. A gay guy had slipped into depression and had attempted suicide twice. A Lesbian woman whose parents beat her up mercilessly and married her off to a guy. So many such stories.
Some people were married to straight men/women. We fought for change in law.
I felt like I belonged somewhere. People who accepted me as I was. I felt positive. I went on date with few women. It didn't work out though.
I started gaining weight. I became healthier.
However, later on differences crept in. There were many homosexuals in this association that believed that bisexuals are just 'people on fence'. It became difficult to deal with them.
Long story short, I started working lesser and lesser with them. But I can't forget the difference it made in my life.
To Come Out or Not to Come Out?
I am 20 years old now. Just 4-5 years more and my parents will start searching groom for me. As I am attracted to men equally, it will not make any difference to me. I can get married to guy of my and their choice.
But.. I can't hide anything from my partner. It is just against my principles. But then, no guy would want his wife to be bisexual.
My parents would be scandalized. Their reaction is not going to be pleasant.
I am caught between my principles and harsh reality of my country. I am confused. It is like choosing between devil and deep sea.
Should I just keep it secret and lead a 'normal' life? Or I should come out to my parents and my brother?
That's a question.
What Girls & Guys Said
13 21Do you live in Saudi Arabia?
Sorry no.
Where do you live, then?
Well there's a reason I haven't revealed my country. Sorry but I can't take risk. All you have to know is that I live somewhere in Asia. Not in Middle East for sure.
FAGGOT LOL
stupid lol
Really? OK.
what the whole gay agenda and movement is stupid and pointless it will eventually die
I think everyone is entitled to their opinion. I respect yours, as long as you don't discriminate against lgbtq people.
look hun i have gay friends and I want the best for them but there doing the same thing the people of the past did and guess what they got killed this isn't the first time in history the whole gay thing has come about this is like the 4th or 5th time and its going to be destroyed again if we stay on the same course, study your ancient history this isn't anything new it's old
wait wait... can you tell me more about this whole 4th or 5th time cming out thing? this happened before in the past? legalizing gay marriage and all that? how did that die out and turn into what it turned into... and then happened agagin? i mean you see the hype... did that really happen and fade before?
@Red7336 study ancient history you will see the Sumerian the Egyptians the Romans the Greeks the Assyrians America and the list goes on ever time this happens the whole place gets destroyed, so since this seems to be the pattern my guess is America is next now how long it will last that's not up too me, and yes in the past people accepted the gay movement there where no laws for it though and if you where against the whole gay movement sometimes people where killed for saying it was wrong this seems too be the process a king or queen comes and accepts the whole agenda and after a certain period of time the whole place gets destroyed sometimes out of no where other times by another country either one will do, all I know is I want no part of that I'd rather survive lol
oh wow... i didn't know that ... thanks for the info lol
The only thing you got right is that gay people have always been around and it's nothing new. The idea that acceptance of them has been behind the destruction of civilizations and empires is laughable, and no credible historian has argued that. I wouldn't be surprised if the notion is rooted in Biblical, End Times nonsense, though.
@heavenonearth you gotta understand the whole gay thing isn't the main reason for the destruction but for some reason it's always the starting point, people starting worshiping animals, then gay scene roles around, than the occult pops up, there just digging a deeper hole for themselves, until eventually they all get killed and yes hun you can do the research yourself
huh. I forgot she was a lesbo. Anyways cara rekt you so.
I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I love sex. I eat our lovers cum out of my wife we are all happy
I just read your story and it made me feel really sad. In what kind of society do we live? Why there are still so many countries that don't accept that two men or two women can love each other and there's nothing wrong about it? I can't understand it. I really hope everything goes well for you. And about your parents... they should understand and respect you anyway, but I guess that living where you live it's gonna be hard for them to accept it. I wish you could live in a more open-minded and free country.
I have no issue with homosexual people, I couldn't really care who you love or what you do it with, that being said...
If we are to be excepting of ALL peoples sexual preferences or be considered discriminatory, wouldn't we have to allow pedophiles their freedom of sexual expression? (Aside from the fact that generally female adults can get away with it already).
I don't mean we should allow adults to molest children who are unable to consent, but pedophiles are generally attacked and hated for their sexual desire to fornicate with children, and that desire is no different than homosexual desire... when homosexual desire was shamed and attacked and people had to hide it out of fear of judgement and hate.
Obviously the difference between the two would be consenting adults and pedophiles would still be breaking the law when they molest children, but would we not be required to stop shaming and attacking them for their desire?
*(Please note: I am NOT a pedophile, nor do I support it. I am simply making an observation of logic.)
"If we are to be excepting of ALL peoples sexual preferences" nobody is expected to accept harmful preferences in action (molestation): your logic is flawed.
@kuippana As I mentioned above... "I don't mean we should allow adults to molest children" obviously you missed that part. But those people who are sexually attracted to children who go to jail for having images or even child sized sex dolls (where no children are hurt) get put in jail all the time. If we are to accept ALL peoples sexual preferences then these people should be permitted to have these preferences AS LONG AS THEY DO NOT ACTUALLY MOLEST CHILDREN because children are not consenting adults and that opens a whole new legal question. SO my logic does make sense, you just simply didn't understand.
Well if you are living in the USA, UK, Australia or Canada you just would't be "normal" you would be very, very, VERY special. Above normal and equal. You should sneak into one of these countries and fight "fire with fire". Thats how the LGBT organization handles it around here. Why break even when you can get ahead?
I'd rather be accepted as I am by society than "being above normal and equal"
Nobody owes it to you to accept you, no matter who you are.
u are homosexual. no such thing as bisexual
I am still young and exploring. I am open to all possibilities. But right now I identify myself as bi
Beig bisexual is a thing. Why wouldn't it be?
There is, but people don't believe there it. Some like you, believe there's only gay and straight.
I used to think that I'm straight, but then self-identifying straight and gay people tend to have weird sexual thoughts. I wouldn't identify with those people anyway. Suffice it to say, I have never really had a "sexual fantasy". I do like caressing my nipples from time to time, but the sensations are just sensations. No thoughts ever enter my head.
Be who you are but be honest. I was pissed when someone didn't tell me and we were getting close and I only want hetrosexual relationships nothing else. i deserve to only have that!! I felt violated. Don't lie what you are transgendered or what! If you hide stuff u know it is doomed.
You are right in a way. But the problem is that I am afraid of my parents' reaction. I don't want to compromise with my principles either.