Boyfriend "accidently" bit me so hard that I'm kind of scared of being intimate with him again, how to get over it?

[Anonymous]

It happened during one of our more heated sessions (that time when you're both kinda pissed at each other but horny too) and well he got really into it, got rough (which is fine with me) but he bit my breast/nipple so hard (accidentally he said) that I slapped him on instinct, it hurt that much. I felt super awkward after that but he just kept apologizing.

I guess moments like these (or similar) happen to everybody but every since this incident, I'm kind of scared of him, of being with him intimate again. :( It's like I get anxious in a bad way even though it's not exactly his fault.

I'm afraid of talking to him about it not because I don't trust him but because he'd take it the wrong way.

How to overcome this? What should I do?

[LonelyDeer]

I think if he apologized, it's a good sign that he will try to be careful. I also think it's reasonable to tell him to try and be more careful. You shouldn't have to be scared, but I would suggest discussing it at an appropriate time and setting. Criticism is a hard pill to swallow but your own physical health and feelings, in my opinion, should be prioritized over the awkwardness of the discussion or fear of how reaction. It can be said in a nice and kind way (you appreciate him apologizing) but you'd prefer it not happen again (priority on well being of self)

[SirJohn42]

Well either tell him how you feel or dump him. Obviously your afraid of him hurting you.
You can't loose slerp over it. It means a lot to you and he hurt you. How is he to know if you bottle it up inside. How will you get sleep if you carry the hurt. How is it a relationship if you can't communicate your concerns.
The best thing is be honest with him. If he over reacts then he truelly doesn't care about you.
Better to knpw the truth or see thst he does care for you. Just say no more biting.

[MizPeaches]

As a female, I understand what that feels like. Soooo sensitive. Maybe it was in the moment. I wouldn’t write anything off completely yet. If he does it again, yell “Oww!” And tell him that hurts. If he continues after that, do what I’ve told others with misbehaving bfs, politely kick him in the balls, get dressed and leave. Hope your boob is okay. I feel your pain.

[Asker]

I'm not that scared of him doing it again, but I'm more anxious about being with him again? As in, everytime sex is brought up or it seems he wants some sexy times, I kind of see it as "uncomfortable thing" instead of "great times". It's so hard to explain better.

[MizPeaches]

You’re fine. I COMPLETELY understand the anxiety. I’ve had a nipple pinched aggressively before and it is not pleasant. Not sure I have great advice for anxiety. Best of luck to you hun.

[summiter]

Lau down the rules with him. No more biting if he still wants sex

[AndyOh]

It may have been just a one time thing. However you said he does get rough. Is this a sign that he might get rougher... and you would be the one getting it?
Some guys like that kind of play. I and many people don't really like that play. You don't have to either.
So maybe do talk to him and see how it goes. If it gets bad... leave please.
Good Luck.

[slatyb]

Ask him to not bite your nipple again? This is a hazard of rough play of any kind. If "you are afraid of talking to him" you have to get over that. In a healthy relationship, partners feel safe to talk about their feelings.

[Asker]

If I'd tell him that the thought of sleeping with him right now makes me uncomfortable because of what happened, he'd take it bad. I don't wanna mess things up with him even more, that's why I want to find a solution to stop being so worried almost scared of sleeping together again.

[slatyb]

Have you talked about what actually happened? It was all fun and games until it wasn't. The way past this is to talk about it. He apologized. There's not much more he can do but agree to not be so hard on your nipples in the future. But maybe you aren't really into rough sex, and are afraid to tell him that?

[exitseven]

I think he already knows that he was too rough with you. Just give it another go and if he gets too rough again hit him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

[Asker]

But everytime sex is brought up or I sense that he wants sex, I get so uncomfortable. We haven't slept together ever since the incident. I have this "mental block" as I have started to call it. It sounds so bad but the idea of sleeping with him again is a big uncomfortable n. o. p. e. :|

[exitseven]

I guess give it time?

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Me and my ex-girlfriend never got into biting but I loved sucking on her nipples and she said, it made her wet all the time

[OutWestBandit]

how new at sex is he?

yeah you better watch that shit, he could be into some fucked up shit.

[genericname85]

well he stopped when he understood he went too far right? this doesn't strike me as someone who wouldn't do their best to not repeat that mistake.

maybe a safe-word would be a good idea.

[Asker]

Yes he did, he started apologizing immediatly once he realized what happened. But I kinda can't shake off the feeling of being scared. I know it sounds pathetic.

[genericname85]

well that's like being scared of ever bumping your toe on the edge of the bed again xD yeah it might happen again. shit happens. but he's clearly not intentionally trying to do that to you again right? you fall. you hurt yourself. you stand up and continue. that's life. and since he's not the guy that wants to hurt you, i don't think it's necessary to worry. you just have accept that accidental pain can happen. you won't get around that with any guy.

[Asker]

To be scared of being intimate vs bumping your toe is uncomparable lol But never mind, I expected not everyone would understand what I mean.

[genericname85]

don't you understand the mechanism behind it? you got hurt and now "fear" is your minds response to protect you from benig hurt again. but you gotta realize that this protective mechanism also prevents you from having sex again, which i assume is something you actually want.

[Twalli]

Tell him that you might need to scale back the biting next time. He was a bit rougher than you were comfortable with. Just tell him that while you generally like him being rough that biting was too much.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Vampire?

Stephan? Damon?

[Anonymous]

just find another guy

[Anonymous]

I suggest telling him how you feel. Be brave. Tell him you feel really bad about what happened but you'd like to have sex again, but take it slow. Suggest the two of you communicate more about what feels good when you're having sex and that both of you promise to ask before trying something new.