Sexual Relationships
11 mo

Boyfriend beating his meat when I’m in the house?

So I just thought I’d look for some honest opinions…

Last night I caught my boyfriend masturbating in the shower unintentionally. I went in the bathroom to get ready for bed and caught him. He made up some excuse and denied that’s what he was doing but I’m not stupid and I do have eyes. I wasn’t weird about it I just made a joke and went to bed.

Is this normal? I was in the house, just chilling watching TV and stuff. We had our dinner together, he went on the PlayStation and I sat with him and did some mindful colouring, then I put on the TV since he went to study, then he said he was going for a shower as he had exercised earlier and that’s when I caught him. I was literally at home.

I feel kind of hurt by it because I was home and he never tried to initiate anything with me, I didn’t even know he was in that mood. I feel like he must not be attracted to me. I lost a good bit of weight recently and have put some back on but I’m not overweight and still smaller than I was a year ago, I still feel really bad about it though and I haven’t been getting dressed up nice often because of work etc. so it’s made me feel like I’m right in thinking I’m unattractive to him. We used to have sex like 4/5 times per week, now it’s usually once a week or not too often. He doesn’t initiate it as much, and I don’t know WHY but my sex drive has unfortunately plummeted (I feel like it’s either mental health, the pill, or being so burnt out from work and other things). I still try to do it anyway when he does initiate it because I want to make him happy but I feel like I’m not as good at it as I used to be.

I’m trying to tell myself it’s not a big deal but it has actually kind of crushed me, I’m quite a sensitive person and it has made me feel quite upset and bad about myself (not nearly as much as it would’ve done a year or two ago though). Is this normal for him to do or not? I thought it’s normal in relationships but not when the person is in the very next room?
Updates:
11 mo
Also, just to add, I’m kind of upset he did it while I was home mainly - a lot of the time I’m out. I work two jobs currently while he works one (which he is thinking to quit and study full time), so I work some evenings or have appointments in the evenings or go to the gym so I would prefer it if he did it while I was out, that would make more sense to me and make me feel a bit less unattractive and unwanted
11 mo
Another update, I spoke to him last night about how I was feeling. He got quite angry and defensive at first but I explained I don’t have an issue with it at all but just in that moment I felt a bit unwanted and unattractive and just didn’t understand why he was doing that while I was there, he was really nice about it and we spoke and it’s all sorted now! He was very understanding and explained his side of things just being that it’s normal and has nothing to do with me and it’s all good.
0 3

Most Helpful Guys

  • Masturbation isn't just about sex. It is in part, yes, but it's also about stress and mental pressure, and centering yourself, and obtaining release without having to worry about another person. It can be important psychologically, as well as physically. If it's not interfering with your sex life, it's not something to worry about- but it sounds like your sex life's kinda on the rocks.

    That's okay; having a problem isn't the end of the world- you can fix this. That "you", however, is plural; you BOTH need to want to. So what's to be done? Well, the first step is to break the problem down: he's not initiating like he used to, your sex drive's taken a hit, and you feel unwanted as a result. So let's think about what could solve each of those issues:

    1. WHY might he not be initiating like he used to? Is it possible that he, too, feels unwanted, and just doesn't want to be a bother? Have YOU tried initiating? How does he respond when you do? Remember that "sex" doesn't necessarily mean going all-out PIV every time; you've still got fingers and a tongue, don't you? Coming up behind him while he's doing something interruptible (judging what constitutes that can be tricky, admittedly) and giving him a hug while nibbling on his ear (or whatever gets him going), can help set the mood, and even just reaching down and casually stroking him (if you're at that point) can definitely send the message; doubly so if you're not usually that brazen. Now, I don't want to make it sound like it's NOT possible that he's feeling less attracted to you, but the link between physical attraction and wanting to have sex isn't as one-way as people think, which segues nicely into the next problem:

    2. So your sex drive's taken a hit because of stress and biochemistry. That happens; if the direct causes can't be changed, you need to go after the others. Sex isn't just about the joy of receiving pleasure, it's also about the joy of giving it. You probably know this, but your brain does, too, and you can use it as a shortcut to kickstart it into motion. A lot of guys- pretty much all of them, I'd guess- have erectile issues at some point in their lives; usually, it's a brief thing, caused by booze or fatigue or stress, but sometimes your penis just won't cooperate. Very frustrating for all involved, but it needn't shut things down; having her sit in your lap while you make out and get her going with your fingers can not only reach the same end, but the sights, sounds, and smells of sex have a way of convincing your body that it's time for action, and can help it kick into gear. Does it always work? No- but it does sometimes, and even when it doesn't, the connection is fun, and it feels good to bring pleasure to someone you love and care about, and to feel that you know how to do it well. Being in a relationship isn't like a one-night-stand; you get to see all the little details of how they like to be touched, and learn the combination to their lock, as it were.

    3. You're probably going to have to have a talk about this, and while that's not inherently a bad thing, it probably feels that way; I don't think anyone has EVER heard the phrase "We need to talk" and not felt a deep existential dread. You want to avoid sounding accusatory; he'll get defensive, and that gets in the way of fixing things. Try to think of specifics about what makes you feel desired, and what makes him feel the same, and come up with a few- not more than three or four, to start with- things you'd like him to do. Concrete suggestions will go over MUCH better than just saying "I don't feel appreciated". Likewise, if you can think of a few things HE'D probably like that you'd be willing to do more, you send the message that you, too, want to work to make it better.

    • This is really helpful! Thank you!

    • You're welcome- I hope it helps. It can be very easy to let feelings of frustration or resentment overwhelm you, but it's important to remember that a relationship is both a human effort and a team one; you can make it work if you're willing to put in the effort and get it done together.

  • I don’t know all the nuances of your relationship with your boyfriend, but I can tell you two things for absolute certain:
    1. Males masturbate when their woman is in the house all the time. It is completely normal, as most males have far stronger sex drives than women, and need release way more often.
    2. If you don’t find a way to increase your sexual activity with him, you will lose him. He needs sex, it’s not a want, it’s a need. And he needs to feel that you desire him sexually. It’s a huge part of what makes a man feel loved by the woman he has given himself to.

    Hope this helps!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Human nature to think the worst. Manifest stories of doom and gloom.

    Ask him why he didn’t initiate. Tell him (kindly) you felt a bit hurt that he didn’t.

    Talking to each other solves and prevents many unnecessary problems.

    • Amen, MsBiker!!!

    • @Bricealan Thank you 😎

    • Thank you for the mhg selection.

  • My boyfriend knows if he ever masturbated while I was at home, I'd be extremely offended that he picked it over me. I'd make sure your guy knows exactly how you feel too.

    • I just don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to control him. It does offend me a bit but quite often when I’m offended or upset he says I’m just overly sensitive

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 27

  • It needs a conversation. Like you said, it's not about the masturbating, but how it made you feel. These things are usually OK once talked about though, and it definitely shouldn't be making you unhappy. Me and my b/f live together and he wanks a lot. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. He has a much higher sex-drive than me, and even though we have sex around 4/5 times a week, he would very happily do it 2 or 3 times every day if I could keep up. But for him it's not about "sex", we're more than happy with the closeness/intimacy/fun we achieve when having it, but the rest of time he just wants/needs to cum. There a difference. So I give him hand jobs a good few times a week (I really don't have to me in the mood for that, it's literally just a couple of minutes work for my hand). And when I can't do that, he masturbates. Sometimes I have to get up very early to log into an overseas meeting, and if he wakes up with a massive hard-on there's nothing I can do about that for a few hours till my meetings finish. At those times, there is NOTHING unusual about me quickly going through our apartment's front-room between meetings to get a glass of water, and he's just got up and is kneeling on the front room floor naked, towel in front of him, wanking to a sexy actress he likes, before he showers/dresses and goes out to work. I honestly have no problem with this. It's out in the open, there's no stigma, but that's mainly because we've had all these conversations ages ago.

  • I have been busted like that by my girlfriend…only I admitted it. I asked her to come join…lol. I thought she wasn’t home to be honest. If you want more sex with him, try initiating or have a talk with him.

  • It won't bother me a bitl, if I had walked in on my boyfriend masturbating I would of kneel down and started licking or massaging his balls...

    • You are a great girlfriend!

  • have a talk with him and spice things up tell him next time do it in front of you.

  • Maybe he did it because he didn’t wanna bother you? I don't know for sure. Either way you guys need to talk about this.

  • How does one masturbate unintentionally.

    How available are you?

    • I meant I unintentionally saw him doing that

  • Think this is somthing u need to talk to him about

    • I sort of want to, but I don’t want to come across as insecure or bother him at all. I don’t want him to feel guilty for it or anything

    • Yet you are insecure about it which needs to be addressed lol maybe ask about why u have been having secx much less

    • Yeah maybe, I just don’t want to be the annoying insecure girlfriend

    • Show All

  • Not to sound like a fucking know it all, but my experience tells me that you are making too much ado about nothing. The first time I started to 'beat my meat' ('I'm not really a "meat beater" per se LOL), in front of my girlfriend, was when she was sucking me in my car, and I took my penis out of her mouth and started "working the head". (as she and I later began referring to my technique) She acted offended, and said "Well, you don't need me"! It wasn't long after that we BOTH masturbated together, and she knew that I jacked-off EVEN after taking her home after we had fucked at my place.

    She also masturbated to other guys she saw, and THAT really gave me a hard-on.

    After that, I found other girls that masturbated regularly with their boyfriend

    Relax, don't be offended. .

  • Your update make me think maybe, because you work 2 jobs it became a habit, and he didn't even think about it.

    I would highly suggest you respectfully discuss how you feel about it

    • That makes sense, it might be the case. I’ll maybe have a chat with him but he gets so defensive about these things

    • Try to make it feel as judgement free as possible feel to it, especially since you know it's something that will make him defensive. Start with I'm not mad, i just want to ensure we have an open communication and understand each other, that's why I'm bringing this up

    • I'm happy you guys worked it out🥰

    • Show All

  • Sometimes, you just get the urge and need to deal with it then and there. I doubt there's anything to worry about or get upset over. One time, I was living with my future ex-fiance and she wanted to go upstairs for a while to talk to her ex-hubby (he'd had a sex change so, there was no sex going on). While she was up there, I decided to take matters into my own hands and started pounding away. JUST as I was about to cum, she came downstairs and caught me and got REALLY pissed asking "Am I not enough for you?" I was MADLY in love with her and she WAS enough for me! We fucked several times a week, back then! It's just that I wanted to cum THEN and she was upstairs and, besides, we wouldn't have fucked, anyway because it was the middle of the afternoon and he might've come down and seen us so, she was away and was busy keeping HIM away so, I went for it!

    • I doubt it has anything to do with you being unattractive or unwanted!!

  • Next time it happens perhaps join him and take over, or suggest a mutual masturbation session?

  • You answered your own question.

    You are showing less interest in sex, he's still horny, that leaves him with jerking off.

    If it bothers you when you catch him doing that, just grab his junk and finish the job for him.

    Show interest or you can't complain.

  • I wouldn't worry about it, most dudes do this.

    • That’s kind of reassuring. Does it have anything to do with the girl? Or is it just because they can’t be bothered with the real thing or something?

    • Sometimes guys are too tired to have sex and they're horny so they just do it in the bathroom. It doesn't really have anything to do with you. It could also be that he doesn't want to ask you and get turned down so he chokes the chicken separately.

  • Don’t see this as a negative at all but rather as a positive. Yes talk to him about it but don’t frame them conversation that he did anything wrong. Instead let him know you want to help him next time.


    Let me ask you, if you find him jerking off in the shower next time are you willing to join him in that moment and take over?

  • Of course, it's normal. Get off his case.

    • I haven’t said anything to him about it other than made a joke like ‘haha, caught you’ and left him to it

    • so get of your case, too

    • your update makes it worse.. the bottom line is you're upset he's happy, nothing about you.

    • Show All

  • In your update, I would do the opposite actually. I would have a talk with him like some here have already said, but also thats an opportunity for some hot spicy sex.

  • I didn’t read your whole thing but sometimes you just want quick and easy.

  • Sometimes we need a quick release and going to the woman will take more work than we are up for.

  • Maybe tell him that you are avaliable for sex when he wants it, so he doesn't ever need to masturbate for sexual release.

  • Yor relationship is breaking down! It's time to open up the lines of communication. He's not saying it, but he's clearly NOT happy. And neither are you! Talk soon!

  • Show More (13)

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