Boyfriend expects me to be automatically turned on?

Question

My boyfriend doesn’t really seem to understand that I can’t just get in the mood for sex as quickly as he can.

Like sometimes we’ll be chilling watching a show and he’ll reach over and touch my boobs for maybe 5 seconds, and if I don’t respond right away by making a move on him, he’ll assume I just don’t wanna have sex. When in reality I’d want to, after maybe a couple minutes of him touching me. Is this normal?

Orrr, sometimes I’ll respond quickly by touching his dick, but then he’ll just jump into having sex without really touching me much more.

I just want to be turned on before having sex, or it isn’t as enjoyable for me. He does do some longer foreplay sometimes which is great, but a lot of the time I just don’t feel too turned on and sex feels like a hassle.

i just don’t know if this is a problem with me... am I asking too much?

TadCurious · Accepted Answer

It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't realize that the vast majority of girls NEED (as in really really need) extended foreplay for their bodies to be ready for sex. But it also sounds like there's something to build on because *sometimes* he does do foreplay. Here's the good news: The solution to this problem is a win-win. Foreplay is fun and exciting and it should be at least half of a sex session. (Excluding times where both partners are both already excited and want to do a "quicky." So help your boyfriend be a better lover by telling him you need foreplay. And there are so many different foreplay activities to do that are pleasurable for both of you. You don't have to be judgmental or critical of him in telling him and even showing him. Or by taking his hand and putting it on your body and whispering "I love it when you touch me there!"

DoTheThew · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say you're asking too much, I'd say you're asking for what you need. Some people need plenty of foreplay ever time, and some people are just always ready to go. Being open and honest with him about it, that you aren't able to just hop into things and enjoy it the same way he does, is huge. As already said, communication is key. Maybe from now on you more openly tell him when you're turned on enough. And maybe compromise and ask for sex with a ton of foreplay every couple of times you do it.

gaygod_19 · Accepted Answer

girl... ur not askin too much. My ex girlfriend couldn't make me cum and she blamed it on the fact that i fap way too often. But guess what? After we broke up i hooked up with this girl and she was AMAZING IN BED.
side note: it was never my fault, some people are just bad in bed

ushagomez · Accepted Answer

There is nothing wrong with you at all. That is all quite normal. Unfortunately your guy needs a little bit of guidance and more experience. You have to train him up to be a little more patient and take his time and then he will get some really passionate results.

EriFrancis1994 · Answer

Communication is key. Reinforce how much you love the foreplay. Some dirty talk while telling how you love it will help too

Bad_Man55 · Answer

Nip that shit NOW.. trust me if you let him know you are down to have sex but need the engine warmed up first for you to enjoy he will or should be all for it. Some guys need a map to sexy land and once they have it you will enjoy it and so will they even more. Moving with the norm will only reault in resentment and deteriorating the relationship

Felicityoyo · Answer

No that's pretty normal for most women. Just explain to him that your body works differently and to get turned on he should slow down and make an effort before just jumping on you

sensible27 · Answer

Have tried telling him this? Lol

SpiritBear · Answer

Just tell him straight up what's up, and tell him how you feel. If you're not turned on enough, tell him. If you need longer, tell him that. If you're not feeling it then, tell him. Be straight up. Don't agree to sex to make him happy when you're not there yet, thats unfair and he doesn't deserve sex in the first place, let alone whenever he wants it.