Boyfriend Is Bad At Sex, But It's My Fault?

Question

I'm 21, black female, my partner is 30 yr old white male. He is not good at sex. In the beginning it was ok because it was a new experience made it more fun. before him I've only had sex with a few white men but there is a general consensus. My boyfriend has no idea about foreplay he truly believes that as soon as he gets hard he just shoves it in, I've laid on my back many times blank face, no moaning, faking it just makes it worse for me! He doesn't care if I scroll on my phone's doesn't care if I don't orgasm nothing. He's always asking for heat but barely gives me and and doesn't do it well.. doesn't care that I roll over after to help myself. I've previously seen videos of him sexing other women who are so okay with just laying there no moaning. He wonders why those girls left!!! Black sex culture is so different there is rhythm, sexual tension, not just jack rabbit strokes while he tells me "you're so lucky" I've told him it would be better for me if he tries foreplay, kissing rubbing, be sexy, it'll make me want to have sex and give head. His response was "that's a lie" I've sent him videos on how to fuck how to eat pussy, how to be seductive and he doesn't watch them. Hey shows me videos of some loose pussy bitch stuffing eight dildos into herself and that I should try it (exaggeration) I'm trying to communicate he won't listen what should I do?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Okay so for me I like to control it because first of all I want to make it all about her second of all I want to be able to last a long time and I wanted to be able to time her orgasms at least one or two before I have mine and I want to do that with her on her last one

I read a lot of what you said and I thought it was kind of funny because just the way you said it especially about rhythm it is very true in a lot of different ways if he cannot read your eyes the color of your cheeks the way you breathe the way you know the way you move then he does not know what you're saying to him and asking for in that given moment without one word he needs to be able to do that

I used to say if you can't dance you can't f*** because there is a rhythm there is a becoming one with that person and moving pushing pulling five different parts of your body all at the same time but in sync in tune with a rhythm with a vibe

I love when questions like this are from guys because they say she sucks she doesn't know how to f*** well I always say well then that just means you suck and you don't know how to f*** because what's that saying if you build it they will come it's the same thing when f****** you take her there she's going to come over and over

When I was 15 and a half 16 years old I learned one of the most important aspects about the sex and that is you have to make it about the other person if you're selfish and only making it about yourself it's not going to be any good at any time

You want to show him a good time if he doesn't know anything about foreplay try this roll him over on his back get on top of him tell him to put his hands on your hips and slow slow very slow motion slides you all the way forward and then all the way back all the way forward all the way back you either push down hard or lift up a little it's all in the pressure as you're sliding forward and back push all the way up to his cock and then stroke it like it's yours tell him exactly what you want him to do when you're stroking it slide your p**** all the way to the top of it and all the way back down but foreplay goes both ways turn around and do it the opposite way reverse cowgirl style so he can watch give him turned on make him become the best that he can become but it does take both people

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If he was simply clueless, but he listened to you and learned, then I'd have his back, but this moron is completely selfish and self-centered - and if he's this way about sex, I know he's that way about other things. So why in the hell are you with him? Of course, I know the answer: he's either really good-looking, or high earning, or both. But those things don't make you a good person, and those things quickly become unimportant in an ongoing relationship if they aren't a good person.

So why do you even need to ask people on the Internet? DUMP HIS ASS and move on. Make better choices in the future - and this isn't a black vs. white thing at all - plenty of women have these complaints against black men too. It's just that some men - and overwhelmingly the men who are the most popular because of looks and/or money - are selfish and self-centered, and those guys have no interest in changing, because if one girl dumps them, they have 100 other girls in their phone who can't wait to be with them.

If you pick a guy using "fun weekend" criteria instead of "long-term relationship" criteria, then you can't possibly expect to have a successful long-term relationship. And, yeah, the quality partners probably don't have Hollywood looks or Wall Street money, but you've already proven why those things matter far less over the long-term than most girls give credit for.

marrk · Accepted Answer

Bro what. Omg girl I’m so sorry. Okay I’m pale skin and have had a couple partners -

Spanish-advanced/active/romantic

Indian-like your dude

Mexican-he tried

Polish American-Active and romantic

To me, it’s not about your color or culture. It’s about your connection and the maturity level. Is he mature in other ways? I don’t want to assume…but it doesn’t seem like it when you are trying so hard to communicate and he, well…seems apathetic at best and dismissive at worst.

Is a relationship all about sex? No. But you’re communicating your needs and he should be trying*** to please you if he cares about you at all. The caring and pleasing isn’t about sex. It’s about maintaining a relationship. You could take sex out of the equation and ask, “Does he respond to my other needs or the issues I bring up in a reasonable and timely manner?” Basically, does he care?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No so not your fault he cares less about you! Shown when you pull out your phone during sex!

Then the relationship is over!

My hubby would spank me so hard for being on my phone! Bend me over his knee and spank me asking if I really hate him so much to not love him during sex! To ignore him...

This man truly does not care about you! Hoping your on the pill cause he would run if there was any baby coming!

This is not all white men with black girls! My best is black with an amazing white hubby who makes sure she cums first then slides in and she finishes too!

Losalt · Answer

Seriously, drop him.
A relationship doesn't necessarily *need* you to have orgasms...
But if he's not fulfilling your needs in some way or other making it worth staying with him, then why stay?
And no, this isn't about him being white...

It's possible that he's from one of those congregations where pairs are actively trained to avoid female pleasure since it's a "sin" or some such nonsense, and if that's the case then maybe it's cultural...

Or perhaps he just doesn't *want* you to orgasm for whatever reason.

Female orgasms are a turn off for me, but at least I'm bloody up front about it and its included in my play that can be interesting in other ways...

But with him?
Jeez...
It sounds like just a maturity issue honestly...

Don't expect him to change.
Then look at this relationship as it is right now, and ask yourself, is this really what you want long term?

If not, why even keep him?

ImHere22 · Answer

That white boy is tripping. He needs to learn how to warm the oven or else he's going to lose you. I'm white, my wife is Black and Latina. And while, absolutely sometimes I'm honestly so excited to be inside of her, she feels so freaking amazing, that I start to pump away and then boom, she's feeling me pulsing deep inside her.
But I've been getting better at slowing the ef down, trying different positions, even cumming then coming back and having multiple rounds. So your guy definitely should listen to you.

ShesRad80 · Answer

color is irrelevant, he's a moron. the fact he doesn't wanna take your suggestions as its a 50/50 thing, sex, ditch him and move on.

madhatters4 · Answer

"Black sex culture is so different there is rhythm, sexual tension, not just jack rabbit strokes while he tells me "you're so lucky"

i think we should stay away from racial stereotypes. but i hear your point nonetheless. it seems to me that you two are just sexually very incompatible. if he isn't willing to make adjustments, which are fair requests (e. g. foreplay) then you need to ask why you are with him.

molonski2 · Answer

OMG.. Surely you are taking the piss right? This guy is useless , can't trust those white guys.. Sorry , he is an idiot , you have given him a decent lead , wholly sht !

Billlewis · Answer

I think it's time for you to start dating other guys. You can still keep your current boyfriend on the side, but you deserve to be completely satisfied with your intimate sexual encounters.

mandyfire98 · Answer

No sexual compatibility between you. If the physical part of a relationship is important to you then it's proving not going to workout. He's just not gonna listen.

ZackBan · Answer

You're describing a shitty lover. His or your race doesn't matter. If it's something you can't live without I'd say end it now

inhua · Answer

why didn't you stay with any of the other white men instead?

SnowedIn · Answer

Why are you with him then?

richardcory · Answer

I don't think its anything to do with race - there are bad lovers (and great ones) of every ethnicity.

The core problem is that he doesn't seem to care. I believe anyone can learn to be a great lover, but it has to matter to them. I don't know if this can ever change - even if you convince him to do things, he won't really be into it.

Some men care a lot about being great lovers - its a matter of pride. You may just need to find a partner who feels that way

Truthatanycost · Answer

The better question is, why are you even with him? You mentioned porn and that is one of the best ways to destroy all connection in relationships. Don't be fooled by how so many support it as if it's normal, it isn't. But what I see from what you wrote is that there is no foundation. Therefore no reason for him to even care. When sex just becomes a physical act, but you expect something more then you're missing the point. Why are you together? why should he care? why do you care? what is the foundation of this... whatever it is?

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

Why are you putting up with that. In my opinion girls should cum first and second before penetration. The third "O" should work out at about the same time.

Dargil · Answer

I have swum in the Ebony gene pool for a while. The one single theme I have heard repeatedly is their desire for me to go Down Town. This is so true that it never mattered that I have a modest primary weapon and limited stamina.

The first time I saw this video, a lightbulb went on over my head. Ohhhhhhh!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/QauOxyAeTvI

It was the key to their hearts. No kidding.

Fireguy17 · Answer

Time to move on to find someone that will be more receptive to your needs and wants. It doesn't sound like he is very receptive to change.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

At 30, he's unlikely to change. Question is do you see yourself with him forever? If not then the relationship has a shelf life. Why keep it going if your unhappy.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Why are you with this person?

exitseven · Answer

I don't know what to think. If he really shows no interest in pleasing you maybe it is time to find another guy.

Massageman · Answer

He needs to realize that it takes at least ten times longer for a female to "warm up" than a male.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

No such thing as black sex culture… thats just not real. I say this as a black man and I find that ridiculous for you to make that up. If there is a such thing as black sex culture, you wouldn’t be sleeping with white men at all.
Next, Sex is sex and who you have sex with is reflective on you and your ability to truly satisfy yourself and your partner. If you can’t press for foreplay then yea you honestly are also at fault too. Takes two to tango. The both of you lack intimacy. You have to take the time to understand each other. You’re 21, so slow it down and put a pause on the sex until the both of you can get it figured out. The problems will stop when the both of you just look at your intimate issues and fix them together. Then explore, experience, and remember so you can be warmed up for the next time.
This isn’t hard at all. The both of you need to make the effort rather than pump and dump

Boyfriend Is Bad At Sex, But It's My Fault?

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