Boyfriend lied to me about porn?

I have a major issue with porn due to past relationships trauma. My boyfriend knows this and agreed to stop which I thought was very kind considering he would watch at least 2 times a day. This was 3 months ago. I found on his phone where he has been watching it very very frequently. Everyday multiple times a day. And has been lying to me about it the whole time.
I know porn shouldn’t be a big issue but for me it is and I hate it. Also the lying about it has me questioning everything. He’s always said from day 1 he isn’t a liar and would never lie. But he is and did.
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Superb Opinion

  • Well I certainly think you've got legitimate cause to be upset over the lying part. That's totally fair. But, I do also think your position that he can't watch any porn is unreasonable (despite you having, i'm sure, excellent reasons for feeling the way you do). However, if he assured you that he wasn't going to watch porn, then tuned out to have lied about that... it's hard to try and tell you not to question everything.

    I tend to be of the same mind: " well if you'd lie to me about this, how can I be confident you wouldn't lie about anything/everything else." I do understand where your're coming from on that. It may not always necessarily be true (the person really might only be lying about that one thing). But to me, I look at it as necessarily true in my own relationships. (and maybe I've walked away from people I shouldn't have because of it. But... I'd do it again).

    So, you've basically got two options here:

    1. Write-this guy off as a liar, and break up with him.

    2. Confront him about this, and see what he has to say for himself. If he's able to satisfy your concerns (about the porn and the lying) to your satisfaction, then you continue on in this relationship.

    (you have a talk, and essentially end up giving him a second chance. Or you come to some sort of realistic compromise about the porn thing, which he is comfortable agreeing to and which you're confident he will stick to. Depending on where he's coming from on this)

    But it seems to me that those are your only two options.

    Which of those two options makes sense for you... I couldn't possibly say. But it will come down to one of those two options when all is said and done. You need to decide which of the two makes the most sense for you, specifically. 🙂

Most Helpful Guy

  • If he tried to force you or insist that you give up your natural female fantasy, which is mentally based and generally focuses on romance, emotions, and sex… and would punish you of he found you watched or read something that indulged these fantasies (like a chick flick or a smut novel)… he would be considered abusive and controlling. If he could somehow see what you jerked off to me tally (which for 70% of women is the force fucked by a stranger ‘rape’ fantasy) and he gave you shit for it… he would be considered a monster and you would NOT be able to stop something that occurs naturally.

    You telling him that his NATURAL visual fantasy is wrong, and punishing him for it, is just as controlling and abusive. 100% of men fantasize visually and 0% can just stop because you have personal issues with your SELF. Which is why men are FORCED by their partners to lie and hide their NATURAL visual fantasies.

    He hides it and lies because YOU force him to and shame him for natural male fantasy.
    The next time you are getting yourself off to your fucked up mental kink… remember that you are doing to him, what you shame and attack him for doing.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First of all you’re request of him is unreasonable. You’re past history of sexual trauma is yours and yours alone. This means you must deal with it and not expect others to accommodate you. If you have a fear of large crowds would you expect Disneyland to close its doors to everyone else so that you could be their by yourself? Of course not. You would change the day you go to one that was less busy, or do something to get over your fear.
    This is the same thing. You can choose to get over it or you can choose to be a victim of it. I’m not saying it’s easy or instantaneous but it starts with choosing to how you want to live.

  • I'm sorry about that. I'm struggling a little with the fact that I'm not comfortable with a boyfriend who watches porn while in a relationship, as it seems to be an accepted norm now despite how many people become addicts.

    I think you should confront him about the lying, because that's a huge break in trust, and shows a lack of respect for you and your agreement. Personally, I think I'd break up with him, but if that doesn't feel like an option for you, I hope you at least bring it up.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 12
  • If you are going to be that controlling about the people you date, you clearly aren’t ready to be in any kind of relationship.

    • I don’t feel that I’m controlling. Like I said it is more the case that he lied to me about it. And how excessive it is…he also doesn’t want me wanting to watch porn to look at other men’s dicks.

    • You can feel however you want about it. That doesn’t change the fact that you are blowing up about a guy watching porn.

    • @quackthulu2. Exactly. This is controlling.

  • So dump him.

    • I don’t want to dump him. Just want opinions on how to handle and/or accept the situation. Am I just overthinking

    • Suck it up and accept that he's a lying porn addict and that you will always have to distrust him.

  • If a man isn't a recovered porn addict then he is a porn addict. So it's very hard to find a guy that isn't addicted to porn. It'll probably take some time but you need to get him on the path to stopping this so y'all can have a good relationship. If not then find another guy that is willing to

  • AV tends to mitigate sexual desire. Everything involves trade-offs. If you have "ordered"(?) him to eliminate AV, what did you offer in return? For example, I would ask that you give me a blow-job any time I asked in the proper setting in exchange to giving up AV. If you made a negative threat, like ending the relationship, I'd let you go.

  • nothing to see here. just another woman playing the victim card.

  • Porn is mind poison and is a big issue. He is probably addicted to it, and he lied to you.

  • Are you sexually available to him?

  • You have much deeper crazy issues.

    • Haha!! I’m definitely crazy. But I don’t see how I am crazy or have issues by not wanting my man to watch porn excessively when we have sex every single day at least once.

    • Asker. What are you afraid of? So he looks at porn? Probably 99% of men look at porn.

    • When a man looks or watches porn excessively it makes me feel like I’m not good enough.

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  • Toxic femininity.
    Your the problem here. Break up and get therapy

  • He’s addicted to it and there’s nothing you can do. It’s an addiction as powerful as meth

  • He's not gonna stop.. do u take care of him sexually?

  • If you're having sex together, you're right. But if you don't, he's right to watch. But of course, lying is a very bad thing.

    • We have plenty of sex. Everyday. Once a day, twice if there’s time. And sometimes a third

    • totally you are right.

  • so leave

  • Unless you are gonna give him sex when he wants it and forfill his desires then he will watch porn.

    Yes he did lie but if he told you the truth then you'd be upset, if he said he wouldn't give up porn then he would of lost you.

    Now tell me something, would you rather he not watch porn and bother you everytime he had a hard on either wanting sex or sexting you or asking for pics from you or let him look at porn in secret and let him relieve himself and act like a caring boyfriend?

  • Porn is good to find out what he likes.

  • They're always going to watch it no matter what they say. Just ignore it, it has nothing to do with you.

  • Usually the only time I would watch porn is because I’m not getting sex so maybe that has something to do with it

    • We have sex a lot. Everyday, at least once if not 2 or 3 times.

    • Wow , that’s a lot, I would never be watching porn then if that’s the case, maybe he’s just a sex addict? What type of porn is he watching? Is it something that you guys aren’t doing or is it the type of women he’s watching?

    • We are open to many positions and things except anal. Only thing I refuse to do but he says he’s not that into it anyway just occasionally. Maybe he is a sex addict or porn addict…he’s never said tho even when I’ve asked or brought it up. The woman he watches bothers me a lot.

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