Boyfriend told me an adult took advantage of him when he was a kid?

I was playing 20 questions with my boyfriend this morning... and sorta asked when he lost his virginity. I was shocked by his answer. I expected to hear in high school, but he told me when he was 14 or 15 while his family was away a 30 year old women liked him and they had sex... he doesn't think it was rape cause he's a guy and wanted it. But it was... and I feel horrible I never knew. And apparently for months after she tormented him by saying she was pregnant when she wasn't... and apparently that still hurts him. And I don't know how to help and feel horrible... what can I do

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Superb Opinion
  • He has clearly accepted it's happened you don't need to try and fix things if he wanted to take things further then that's his decision.

    Yes it was wrong but if he wanted it then it's not going to break him. And it probably hasn't traumatized him.

    • He told me he thinks about her tormenting him for months lying she was pregnant. He's clearly not over it completely. And to say it's fine cause he's a man and wanted it isn't ok. He was abused...

Most Helpful Guy

  • Society shames, laughs at and bullies men that have been taken advantage of. This is partly due to the pedestalization of pleasure and the promotion of promiscuity. Unfortunately I agree with Kraken on this one to some extent. You may grow to resenthim for blurting this out to you, as opposed to telling a professional who was trained to deal with it. You can't control how something makes you feel in time. But you also can't help him unless he's willing to admit the truth to himself.

    • I would never resent him. I just feel bad cause he was taken advantage of and basically taped by an adult even if he wanted to have sex with her. It doesn't negate it was rape. And he says he doesn't regret it and I don't want to push it and upset him. It just makes me sad cause I don't like that someone did that to him... it hurts

    • Due to how society views it, often the crime goes unpunished. You can see this with 'The big list: Female teachers with students' although some may have been prosecuted or arrested, often the same crime done by a man results in harsher sentencing.

    • Thats what makes me sad. Cause if I told him a man did that to me at that age he'd say I was raped... but because he's a boy he doesn't see it for what it was... and it hurts

Most Helpful Girl

  • That's awful, I think you already did a lot, because he felt confident enough to tell you, just try to listen him about it and don't pressure him too much.

    I think he can still file a complaint about it, it could help

    • She will eventually hate him for expressing all this to him.

    • @KrakenAttackin Of course not

    • @KrakenAttackin never. I would never hate him. I love him regardless

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 7
  • Just comfort and support him.

  • That had to be difficult emotionally for him and may have messed with his sex life for a while. How is your sex life with him now? Let him know it is ok to talk about it if he wants to.

    • He told me it's fine... that he wanted it and is okay. And our sex life is great

  • Not really much u can do to be honest but be there for him don't bring it up let him choose when and if to talk about it

  • It is far, far more common than you think. There is a still a stigma on young people talking about it.

  • Judt show love, commitment, compassion, trust, and respect.

  • I used to to polygraph work. Doing this work I learned that about 30% of boys have suffered some kind of sexual abuse. But guess what, boys/men have to suck it up and not become perma-victims.

    • That's what he's doing and I don't like that. Just cause he's a boy doesn't mean it wasn't rape just cause he's a man and wanted to have sex

    • DO NOT post this on social media, DO NOT tell your 100 closest friends. Keep this to your fucking self.

  • Help him to pursue an historical sexual assault case or just try to help him on. But ultimately the choice is entirely his. My sincere best wishes and I hope things turn out well

  • I lost my virginity to my 30-something (I think) neighbor when I was 16. She was definitely the "aggressor", but at the time I thought I wanted it too. But I wish it never happened.