Boyfriend touches me while I'm asleep? Is this normal behavior?

Often I fall asleep while visiting my boyfriend and I will wake up to him groping me with my shirt pulled up or him touching me outside of my pants or sometimes with his hand down them.

The first time it happened I was halfway asleep, like when your eyes are closed and you're not totally aware but not completely asleep? And he took my hand and placed it on his penis. I was so tired and confused that I didn't do anything and tried to go back to sleep. But he didn't stop and all I remember is barely being able to keep my eyes open and just wanting to go back to sleep.

He does this a lot and I never know what to do, so sometimes I just don't move and try to go back to sleep, because the time I moved his hand he stopped just to try again an hour later.

When I wake up I know what's going on but I'm often too tired to say no or I don't want him to feel bad so I go along with it.

Is this normal for boyfriends to do? Does anyone have any experience with this? Thank you!
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Most Helpful Girls

  • This is a very complicated issue because this kind of behavior is considered acceptable for most guys and probably seems harmless now but is something that could cause lots of problems in the future. If he is fantasizing about touching you without your consent then this really means that something else is going on in his mind about why he wants to touch girls without their consent, even in he is your boyfriend. This sounds like a symptom of someone who suffers with control issues and boundary issues, which will defiantly be a big problem in the future for you and potentially dangerous. This is especially alarming because you said that you feel dirty about it and this is a good indicator that you feel uneasy and sense something is wrong. I would defiantly talk to him calmly and in a way that is lighthearted so that he does not feel put on the spot or awkward about it. See how he reacts and if it continues I would really try and distance myself from him for a while because to me this looks like signs of the beginning patterns of a sexual predator.

  • This is so wrong. Please don't let him do this to you anymore. I was dating someone who did this type of stuff and then later on, he watched as his friend raped me. This type of behavior is a huge red flag for some more serious issues that may be hidden.

    • I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you but I really don't think that is likely to happen to her

  • NO! I have broken up with people for this in the past. If your like me and you dont wake up for shit this is a scary thing...

    • I'm very conflicted because so many people think it's okay but I still feel weird about it because I'm not fully awake to consent... I'm confused why people think it's okay?

    • Who cares if those people think it's ok. If you do not find this ok (as you shouldn't!!) Then that's your answer sweetheart. And if you confront him about it and he continues... he is knowingly assulting you with no regard to you at all! Leave

  • Not normal, it's weird and without your consent it could be classed as harassment.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Unacceptable. Groping anyone, wife, girlfriend, or otherwise should only be done when someone is awake and knows it's going on. When anyone is half-asleep, you shouldn't be feeling them up and taking advantage of them. Sleep should be peaceful, and he shouldn't be lusting over your body when you're just trying to get some shut-eye. Put your foot down, because that seems like a red flag. It's reasonable for you not to be in to it and feel used afterwards. He should have asked you if it was alright before ever doing it, because I don't get the feeling that you share his fetish.

    • I am so confused what to think because it seems as though everyone is very divided. I don't want to make a big deal out of something if it's not but I also can't shake the feeling of it making me feel used.

    • @Asker Listen to me very closely, ma'am. What we think does not matter. It is your body, and it is your sexual dignity. What you are alright with, and what you don't feel comfortable doing does NOT require anyone else's seal of approval. Not mine (even though I agree he's wrong for not asking if he can fulfill his fetish), nor anyone else's. YOU tell others what type of sexual behavior is acceptable for you, and you have answered yourself by saying you feel dirty and used/not in to it later on. If YOU feel like you have been violated, it shouldn't matter what other people think. If YOU don't like it, or you feel used, no one can tell you differently. That's how sexual consent works. You're not making something out of nothing here. This is some borderline rape behavior. If he keeps doing it after you tell him no, it's officially sexual harassment/rape.

    • I would like to clarify myself by saying that I do think this behavior is alright IF each person has consented to it and agreed that this is not a boundary of theirs. I believe that almost any fetish is fair game if everyone involved is in to it. You don't seem to be in to it, so it's not alright.

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  • honestly, I wouldn't say it's normal, but it does happen. he should have asked you if it was okay first. otherwise, it is considered rape. you should confront him about. if you don't mind him doing it, then you guys could continue. but if you tell him to stop pay attention to his reaction.

    • I have conflicted opinions about it. I don't completely mind but sometimes I feel used or dirty because of it

    • yeah i understand. thats probably because he's doing it without your consent.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 17
  • I dunno, as far as I'm aware, my boyfriend has never done that.

  • Run Forrest Run!

  • Nope that's not normal. That's a little bit rapey.

  • I do this lol. She is usually completely wrapped around my body. She'll do that randomly while she is asleep. I don't know about you but if a naked chick wraps her body around mine I get hard. I need to feel more. We've had quickies with her eyes closed. We are back asleep in 30 seconds. I don't know if this is normal though.

  • Maybe it's normal, but if you don't want it, you should tell him.

  • No that is not normal

  • I don't think that's normal for him to do that a lot..

  • It's not really uncommon. Generally speaking I wouldn't classify it as rape per se - but something you should talk about.

    Aka you sit down with him and tell him what and how you are willing to do that or not. Apparently from what you say you aren't per se against it - but the quantity is an issue. Then you need to communicate it.

    • Yeah I'm not necessarily against it but normally I leave it feeling dirty or used, or once I fully awake I'm not into it at all

    • Then it is something you need to communicate with him. Communication is key. One thing all relationship advices agree and are right about. But it's quality communication and not just quantity.

  • I don't think that's normal at all. The question is if you are okay with it.

  • Well i like grabbing my girls butt or kitty before sleep. Helps me relax. What he does though is kind of weird.

  • Tell him you don't want him to do it while your asleep. No means no

  • ofc it is. he's your boyfriend. he owns you.

    • Yeah, sorry kid but he doesn't "own" her at all.

  • No and I wouldn't tolerate that. Your sleep time is your me time.

  • Why don't you confront him?

    • I don't want to embarrass him or make him feel bad

    • He should feel bad. To do this kinda stuff, you guys must be having sex and sleeping with each other.

    • We do have sex often, but I just don't know why he wants to touch me if I'm not responsive to it

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  • I had a girlfriend that I used to like to play around with while she was asleep which she liked. She usually woke up while I was fingering her and we’d have sex. One time I was able to get her panties off and my penis inside of her before she woke up. I also had a cousin that I slept next to on the floor for a few nights while we were visiting relatives and I would feel her legs while she was asleep.

  • normal

    • Do you think it's just like a waking me up for sex thing?

    • naw if he doesn't touch on you he's probably gay. it's like admiring your body not just for sex

  • I wouldn't consider it normal behaviour and would not let him continue doing this if it makes you uncomfortable

  • He is violating you don't be stupid

  • yeah that's normal

  • I have done it to most of my partners. But I ask them if it's cool at some time prior.

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