"Bumping Uglies" - seriously? Stop shaming genitalia!

[Freiburger]

- "Bumping Uglies"

- "Nasty one"

- "Gash"

- ... ETC

You get the picture. Some people like to use language of shame and disgust to talk about their genitals, those of other people and the things they do with them. But what exactly happened to "sex", "penis" and "vagina" (or "cock" and "pussy" if that's too formal). To be honest, the above highlighted words and phrases are relatively new to my vocabulary. In fact, I only came across after joining this site. However, having gotten over this initial shock and curiosity, I was still thrown off at seeing them used in such a casual manner. This may be because they are never used among my sex-positive, queer-friendly and open-minded peer group. Upon reflection, however, I realised that the idea that sex could be described as "bumping uglies" was not such a surprise, given the stigma and shame that is attached to sex - even within the narrow space that conservative societies allow for it. But I assume that most people on this site either don't wholeheartedly believe that the conservative ideal of sex between a man and a woman in a union blessed by God is the best way, or at least are worldly enough to realise that there are other ways to be happy - so why are we demonising our body parts and the pleasurable things we like to do with them?

When you use a phrase like "bumping uglies", you're essentially saying that the genitals of the parties to the sexual encounter are ugly and shameful. Now you might not like the look of penises, circumcised or otherwise, and that's your right. Similarly, you might have aesthetic preferences for vaginas. However, reducing genitals down to one (narrowminded and harmful - I would argue) aesthetic reading, ignoring the pleasure that they can give us and to other people, not to mention their role in the circle of life, is to me absurdly reductive and damaging to self-esteem. Similarly, sex is about far more than mechanical interactions between genitalia - it's about mutual pleasure, it's about the connection between two people and it's about wellbeing.

I've seen a lot of opinions expressed on this site about genitalia that shock me. As a man, I am naturally more attune to the concerns of my gender but I am dead certain that women will have similar remarks to make. One particularly bizarre example concerns uncircumcised penises, which some people find less than aesthetically pleasing. Now it's fine to have an opinion of how you like a penis to look, but please think about the impact of your words on other people. And as a general rule, unless you are about to have sex with that penis, its physical attributes are none of your concern. Furthermore, there is a thriving market for penises both circumcised and uncircumcised so if you are concerned about this, don't be.

So please, let us try to be more accepting of ourselves and of other people. It is better for your well being and the well being of the people around you that you don't make them feel self-conscious about their body parts.