Can a girl really just have meaningless sex?

[Anonymous]

I just started hanging out with a guy again. He was kinda of a tool the first time around so I cut him off. after a year of knowing him but only hooking up with for a month. I was. Kinda cut throat, so I thought maybe I was too quick to say bye. So he started calling saying he missed me apologized for being an ass etc. I told myself take it slowwwww but I'm a super sexual girl so yeah we're back at it again. The thing is, I do like him but he just seems like someone I should not take serious. He never calls me only text me randomly how he missed me, but takes forever to respond if I reply. I don't sleep around, so if we're having sex I'm all about just that person... How can I just have sex with out catching feelings? Or should I just move on... again. I don't know how men do it I need to be in awww in order to connect sexually but I feel this guy might be wrong for me..

[MrOracle]

Most girls cannot, no. Many try to, and believe that they can, only to quickly grow attached. Usually what follows is that she will expect HIM to develop feelings for her (even though the [implied or overt] agreement, by both people, was NOT to develop feelings), and when he doesn't, she feels hurt and used. Her feelings aren't logical or rational, but they're no less hurtful for her.

Men and women are wired differently when it comes to this, and this is something the sexes almost always struggle to understand about the other, because everyone wants to assume that the opposite sex thinks/feels/has the same goals as they themselves do - and that's very often NOT true.

This goes back to evolution and Natural Selection - where behaviors and instincts that favor successful survival and reproduction are reinforced and rewarded, and ones that don't tend to result in those genes and instincts not being passed on to future generations. A man's role in reproduction can be as short as a couple of minutes - compared to several years minimum for a typical woman, who has to grow, birth, and raise the child - but men can also potentially impregnate several different women a day, every day. Note that this was necessary to replenish men/boys lost in war, hunting, accidents, and disease - all of which men were more susceptible to because of their role in society. With such different roles, it's no surprise that our instincts are so different.

It's good that you recognize that you are likely to develop feelings, and that men can have casual sex without doing so - that's the TRUTH, even if that truth is hard to hear.

Knowing what you know, you can make much smarter decisions about how you live your life. Spend your effort finding a boyfriend who wants a relationship with you rather than one who just wants to bang. You'll be better off in the long run.

[NJ_Casanova]

Sure... everytime she does it because her boyfriend want it and she doesn't want to upset him.

[Anonymous]

Yes I had a meaningless on he regular fling for 18 months in college. I met up with him after the bars and left in the morning when he went to take a shower. We did this at least once a week but usually twice a week. We didn't talk everyday go on dates or anything.

It worked for me because I didn't want a serious relationship and I don't like sleeping around like a lot of other girls did.

Literally what ended it was me moving to a neighborhood just north of campus. Before that we both lived in west campus and could walk to each other's place in no time.

I don't drink and drive so it was just more trouble than it was worth.

[Asker]

How did you prevent yourself from falling for him?

[Opinion Owner]

As I described above. No dates, no phone calls or texting unless it is to meet up when the bars close, no breakfast in the morning. It worked because I didn't want more from him or from anyone at that point in my life. He was the thing I did to prevent me from falling for anyone. My sexual needs were met without a relationship of sleeping around. It isn't something I could do again at this point in my life because I'm an adult now and capable of feelings. We did have a mutual respect for each other. But 5 years later he dated my bestfriend and she kept it secret. He did it to spite me and ultimately ruined our friendship. She told me years later and I couldn't forgive her because she didn't tell me at the time and it wasn't the first time she did something like this. He had feelings for me but I didn't have them for him.

[Asker]

Well good for you he sounded like someone you wouldn't have wanted to take serious anyway. Thank you for you input =)

[Opinion Owner]

No he was perfectly nice. I was young and I did hurt him at the beginning of our relationship by getting drunk and making out with a frat brother of his I was friends with outside of knowing him after his frat brother's dad died. My Dad died young as well so I understood but it was a very bad choice. I understand him doing that. But my bestfriend always gave me a hard time about him because he had red hair and she said she would never sleep with him. we ran into him so many times while they were dating and I feel like a fool having hugged him and what not. If she would have told me at the time I wouldn't have cared. But her hiding it to only tell me years later when she was having a bad day was my limit. She's one of those girls who doesn't want someone until you want them or whatever.

[Asker]

Yes, I had a few of those friends😞

[Opinion Owner]

Yep we all have and they aren't worth having.

[Anonymous]

I did it. I've had casual sex with a friend (friends with benefits) for months without falling in love. He slept with someone else in between, both kissed with other people. He was the second guy I had ever slept with and we started 1 week after my relationship ended and 1 day after his did. In a way, it was the perfect rebound. I think it's over now because we got into a fight about something else last week, but everything together, it was succesful.
The downside is that sex without feelings isn't nearly as fun. It got almost businesslike. I missed the romance in my life. Sadly I haven't been able to fall in love with anyone lately.

[Azara]

yes. many times,. maybe you can't or just dont like the idea so it prevents you from finding out if you could,. but yeah if yo dont have feelings for the guy its easy. its really hard to develop feelings for someone you otherwise dont like, just bc you had sex.

[Azara]

thing is there's no social reward for women to be open about it so there's a big mystique and false stereotyping surrounding whether women can or not.. men get props for it so they love tasking about it. women it without boasting. if men suddenly lost their jobs, or peer respect, or couldn't get sex or risked rap, unless they claimed they needed love, guaranteed, you'd hear very little about the fantastical exploits of players. is just playing to an audience ands in the process to new self. if women were literally free ( as in no threat of pejorative treatment or not discriminated against for it or worse..) to have meaningless sex, you'd hear a lot more about it.

[madhatters4]

yes they can. i know from experience

[Miss_Behave]

Yea, they can... tho not me. I can't bring myself to have sex with someone that I dont, at least, like.

[WhatTheHellAmy]

of course we can

[The_Advisor]

Not really, there is no such thing as meaning less sex. Unless your a terrible person.

[meatballs21]

Yes, they definitely can.

[ClariceOwen23]

Yeah I've done it before. It really wasn't that hard. If you're already catching feelings for him though, you better avoid him.

[Chadster]

Forget him, you need a loyal guy that's going to give you awesome orgasms and regular great sex as well as being a lover and friend.

[skeptic007]

you don't want him cause he's not a bad boy thats pretty basic for a women

[LoverMike]

I hope a girl could if she didn't have feelings for the guy

[Anonymous]

Yes a girl can have meaningless sex.

[Anonymous]

No they can't. Women often put emotions and attachment to sex. It's why many of times they have friends with benefits they end up getting feelings for the guy.