Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
As a kid I was SEX obsessed, which was only fueled even more, because my family is VERY STRICT and conservative.I would sneak out to the living room at night and watch adult movies. I would fantasise about sex 24/7. I used to right fan-fiction about some cartoon characters that was SO dirty that even adults would blush. I used to draw dirty pictures. I would even masturbate, without realising what it is. I just know that I enjoyed it. It all started as a BOOM around the age of 6. However, I can recall that what I was actually fantasising about weren't the guys. In fact, I was disgusted by the thought of a naked male body. What I enjoyed the most was imagining the female nude body. I had a weird obsession with breasts. My favorite thing about the fanfiction was the male dominating the girl. Even rape was involved. I just now one thing FOR SURE: I never identified with the girl. I was always imagining I was the guy... I have always had this HUGE urge for power. I am the only child, and I have an IQ 159, I was always very eccentric and different in everything: the way I dressed, behave... I was always EXCEPTIONALLY confident and even as a kid I would approach strangers. I learned to talk very early, and I was always a kid with MANY interests (drawing, writing poetry, ballet, soccer, debates...) I was very aware of the things that made me dominating among the kids. That was when I used to live with my parents. Then there was this time (around the age of 6) when my parents had HUGE fights every day. I got over that time only by having an imaginary friend. When I was 7 I started livng in Europe with my grandparents, who, although they loved me, they were very crude and unsophisticated. They didn't make me feel good about who I am and I started to feel that all those things that made me different were some things that I should have been ashamed of. Instead of encouraging me to stay different, they suffocated me. The kids at the new school bullied me, the teacher wasn't understanding, my alchoholic uncle would come and bully me and beat me up. My parents have abendoned me. I felt unprotected. I have read that people who are interested in same sex (bisexuals and homosexuals) have had bad relationships with authority figures of the opposite sex when they were kids. That may be true.
Around the sam time I developed this ENORMOUS crush on a girl that lived near us. She was 10, I was 7. She was my first real life crush (non fictional). In fact, I have writen a love poem about her at the time. I remember knowing that there is NOTHING weird about the fact that she is a girl, and I was a girl, too. But there was this problem: my HUGE confidence was long gone and crushed down. I was taught that nobody will like a weird kid that just comes up confidently to somebody. I wanted to come up to her and maybe just touch her, but I was feeling like confidence is a sin. There was my grandmother that was always giving me the "NO" look. I remember one time I touched the girls hair and I said how she had pretty hair and she said "ew" and runned away. I was crushed. Mortified. Few days later I have overheared my evil grandmother talking to her friend how she had found my poem about that girl, and how "I am sick" because I was in love with a girl. That was the lowest and the darkest point of my life. From that moment I was a wreck that was totally colorless and depressed. I had some "crushes" in elementary school that were boys, but I remember convincing myself that I have a crush on them, only because I knew that they had a crush on me, so I wanted to take advantage of that and torture them emotionally. I know it was wrong, but I was a 8/9 year old kid that had to make somebody suffer just so I could repay my suffering just so I could feel dominant again. I distinctively remember that I never felt anything towards them. They were just my tools that made me feel worth something again. I wan't attracted to them like I was to that girl. When I was 10, I was fat. I was taller than everybody. Bullying was stronger than ever. I used to go to tennis classes and I had a HUGE complex, I couldn't make a single move wihout thinking if I looked stupid. The person that made me self-concious the most was this guy. He was 11. He was a jock, popular, heart-throb, athletic, confident. I was an ugly duckling, a nerd and had no friends. I think that the main reason why I was so attracted to him was because I new that he had all those traits that I used to admire in myself, but I lost due to bullying. I bet that on some level I knew that my REAL self was just like him, but I was scared to be myself again. I thought that there was a chance that he may had a crush on me, too. But then, this girl came along who was from his class. He would abandone me just to talk to her. She was everything that I used to be: confident, assertive, laid-back. "Why am I not allowed to be like that anymore?" I was EXTREMELY jealous of her, but only 10% because of the guy. The rest (90%) I was jealous because of her having those traits that were taken away from me. I know that I wanted to try to be confident again. And, although my heart was beating SO fast and I wa sweating, I asked that guy on a date. The moments before he answered were some of the most anticipating ever. However, he said YES, and I couldn't believe that. We arranged it. I was planning on kissing him on the date and asking to be my boyfriend. I told everybody I know that I am going on a date with him. I wanted everybody to know that the biggest loser had the date with the hottest guy and, not only that, I would have been the youngest in our group of "friends" to have a boyfriend. Who would expect that from my 10 year old self. Anyway, that date had come and I put on my best clothes. I went there and waited. And waited... It's half past 9. He'll come. It's 10. He'll come... I think... I waited and he never showed up. THAT WAS THE DAY I HAD BURRIED THE LAST PIECES OF MY CONFIDENCE THAT I STILL HAD. It was SO bad. A guy friend of mine saw me waiting there and he took me out, just so I wouldn't feel lonely. It was SO humiliating. Everybody laughed at me the next day at school. And many days after that. After that I WAS NEVER ABLE TO ASK A GUY AGAIN FOR 5 YEARS! I have had crushes, but I wouldn't even talk to guys.
Anyway, long story short: around the age of 15 I started doing some therapy, I whent to church. I have done TONS of research and I have been listening to Demi Lovato and her story of how she became unbroken and I was SO inspired, she literally SAVED ME! I wouldn't be MYSELF again if it wasn't for her. I started going out, having LOT of casual sex... I realised that the key to never being hurt is to NEVER fall in love with somebody in the first place. I am perfectly fine with that. From this point of view I can't imagine anything different. I have friends that love me. God loves me. I have everything I need. There is literally NOTHING people can do or say now that will hurt me emotionally. THAT IS MY BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT in my life: I have found my inner peace because I learnt that I can't let people decide for my life. I AM THE MASTER OF MY LIFE AND I LOVE MYSELF! I AM FUCKING AWESOME.
Just so you know, I am not fat anymore. I did't do diets, I just naturally became fit overtime... ! I have TONS of guys chasing me, 10k followers on insta. I have my fashion blogg and I am starting my way into modeling.
And the only two people that I have ever been in love with are here : the girl became a teen mom and is married to a guy she doesn't like. Has 2 kidz. The guy is a drug addict and broke. *cough* KARMA *cough*....
Recently I decided to come out and be true to myself 100% and I told everyone that I am bisexual. Some people are making fun of me, because this is a small fucking country. And you know what? IDGAF! And you know why? Because, thanks to those two who broke my heart, I have been reborn and became the BEST FUCKING VERSION OF ME!!! I am moving back to USA in a couple of months and I can't wait. I am sure that I will be succesfull there and that people will be cool. Even if they won't be, I have EVERYTHING THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED: self respect and self love!
Even though everything is perfect now, what do you think my REAL sexual orientation is?
Was I born heterosexual, but because of being bullied by my father and uncle I began fearing men and THEREFORE I began liking women? Do you think that I never would have liked women if grew up in a harmonic environment? Although, I DID fantasize about them before being abandoned by my cruel father.
Was I born bisexual? But supressed it once I was rejected by the girl and shamed by my evil grandmother?
Am I asexual because I don't need to emotionally connect with anybody, due to the fear of being hurt?
Am I a sex addict because I have A LOT OF FLINGS? I am PRETTY sure that even if I had a normal childhood, I would have ended up like now, with many flings, because I was always I naughty kid thinking about orgies.
What do you think I am?
One thing is for sure: I AM A HUMAN BEING. AN EXTREMELY HAPPY HUMAN BEING THAT IS NOW EVERYTHING I EVER WHANTED. 
What Girls & Guys Said
0 1Always been a fan of yours, so had to read this - even though not a read-lover of the longer works.
Am I am bit like you but never confused about who the lust target is/was.
You will dismiss my opinion b/c I don't believe and not found evidence that sexuality focus (e. g. gay) is a born thing - I will have rocks thrown at me over this. All the gays, even marriage-related, past friends, et al. were "guided" onto that trail as per their recounts of history. Obvious to the listener but they seem too close to it to see what/how + more comforting to believe the choice was divine/innate at birth.
Same ages about experimentation and "guides" that might have pushed me toward guys instead of gals... that said, gals are a no-no sexually (until college) saved me from pregnancy issues my friends had, ironically (karma?) that befell my girlfriend cheating with my best bud and kicking me out of their lives + giving me a social boot as well in HS.
Once college dorms freed me, the gals more than made up for lost HS & prior time.
Through out my life, it was the hedonistic tactile/other feelings of lust, sex that only skinny dipping or sensual massages might explain to those foreign to sex. This seems parallel to your history. When early grade school there were guys that wants to touch and strip but it was not sexual, guess they were on the verge of being sensual or hunting another into that?
So college sex became so involved and on tap, I once remarked how lonely the bed seemed if one of my partners weren't in it, although it was rare for them to have permission to spend all night.
My humble & long distance, semi-blind to all the facts opinion is that you are heterosexual but like many actors that get ahead, don't see why same sex pleasures (lust &/or love) must be dismissed "why eliminate half the world offering pleasure?". Of the friends that lusted same sex, those that finally found opposite sex partners latched on, feel deeply in love and never looked back. I think this may eventually be your crystal ball and I would not give this answer to everyone wondering what they are... just reading what you wrote.