Can someone help me see the positive in this married guy breaking up with me? We had good sex also?

[Anonymous]

I did not know he was married!!!

I didn’t know he was married until yesterday! We were dating for a year and having really good sex. He’s 29 and he has 3 kids and I’m 20. I know that probably a red flag as the kids are with different women but I just didn’t think much of it considering my dad is even like that.

The sex was so good though and we got along really well and it was very like intimate the whole time. He didn’t ever take me out on dates, never gave me his number and would take days to reply but I geniuenly thought he was busy since he’s older and had more things to do. I’d see things in his house womens stuff but he claimed it was his daughters so I believed it but turns out it wasn’t.

I saw a post the other day my best friend sent me and it was of him On a date with her with a ring on her finger and celebrating there anniversary. I was heartbroken and confronted him. I kept asking if he was seeing anyone else and he’d say no. He said to me we can still be friends and see where it goes but is this even a good idea? I’m so upset and I know I’ve dodged. A bullet but I really miss him? I didn’t know he was married this whole time. He’s married to a 22 year old and it makes me feel just sad. He called me yesterday saying ‘We all know you will still speak to me again and you won’t leave me’ how do I get over this? I feel actually quite sad that I caught him out, I’d rather have believed a lie because now I’m so depressed, is this normal? I’m geniuenly sad that I found out. I’ve wasted a whole year…. I’m not the type to tell his wife it would do NOTHING for me as she does not like me since he’s called me a ‘crazy ex’

[HSalenko]

Congratulations, you got burned. The hard truth is it's the best thing that could happen, he was keeping secrets and he wasn't the man you thought he was. He's much older, he didn't care about you on a normal basis, and you got used. On the flip side: I offer my sincerest condolences, but you're now free from someone awful. Your feelings are normal and it's valid to miss someone, even if he didn't treat you well. You're best off allowing yourself time to grieve, and time to process your other feelings. Reach out to friends or family you trust for support, take a few leisure activities, and most importantly: do not contact him or let him contact you. Keeping a journal may help you cope as well, it will serve as a landmark to teach how much you've grown.

Take things slow, and take care of you first.

[Mangospacho]

You’re free from all that drama. If his wife thinks you’re the crazy ex, she’s gonna find out soon that she married a cheater. He’s got three kids with a 22 year old? I’m assuming they didn’t have one child per year, which would make him 24 hooking up with someone who is under 18. Either way, you’re free to be with someone else who isn’t married.

[dustybiker]

She said the kids are with different woman.

[Mangospacho]

@dustybiker Ah yeah. You’re right. That makes him slightly less of a creeper but more of a womanizer.

[dustybiker]

He sounds like a hot mess.

[Mangospacho]

@dustybiker But, for what it’s worth, apparently, the sex was good. I don’t know if that changes anything

[dustybiker]

@mangospacho lol Love is indeed blind

[HollyK21]

That’s a very hurtful situation and I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. Obviously you are going to miss him, and I’m sure you’d like to talk but you’re in no position right now to be a friend to him. He cannot expect you to take that news in stride then be happy and ready for friendship. There’s no good to dig for right now to justify caving and accepting him back into your life. You need to stay away, heal, and let him go.

[Dalisay409]

Is be extremely angry at this person. Who does that? How narcissistic? What does it say about his values and character. Here's the positives: 1) you dodged a bullet, 2) you learned a lesson about trusting people, and 3) you got good sex and didn't get pregnant.

[LazerBean]

There is no positive and really you should have seen this coming from a mile away. Not only did he use you, but he was also so smug as to insinuate that you are so weak-minded that he knows you will keep talking to him. Tell his wife, move on and do better next time.

[slatyb]

The positive? You had a year of really good sex without having a confrontation with his wife, and without getting pregnant or contracting an STD. Be happy for the memory. Now you know what to look for in a new lover.

[Anonymous]

You need to find God and pray. Your god given discernment did not alert you to any of this, and your lust for him makes you want to believe in a lie but our very essence if only made from truth.