Can someone please explain to me Humiliation Fetish?

[t-8900]

This was a subject sparked by a recent conversation I was having with someone. I'm always curious about the thought process of others as human psychology is very fascinating to me. If you're in a relationship with someone why would you want to humiliate them? Why would you say you loved someone but demand to humiliate them around others to get off? Have you done this to your SO? If so why? If you were on the receiving end of this why would you put up with it? I don't understand it? Do you like causing pain to the person you claim to love?

[ChrisMaster69]

First off it’s not something you want to do, it’s something you do for another person, you give them a safe space to satisfy their kink.

Porn and 50 Shades etc misses out on the fact within BDSM (humiliation is a kink within it), the roll of the Dom / Domme is to provide a safe space where the sub is able to live, feel, experience their kink, of which there are many.

Within BDSM humiliation tends to be part of masochism and also often Edge play.

This means it’s not a simple kink to carry out as it has a huge amount of potential and actual emotional harm.

A person with humiliation may want to be verbally and or physically abused, this can be from being called names, made to not wash and go out and about with poor hygiene, it can be being spat on, pee play also may be a type of humiliation, the list is fairly long, some have it mild, some very hard.

While this is happening, the sub enters what is known as sub space, think of endorphins as opiates or candy. They can enter a fairly strong euphoric state and often is the only way they can experience decent orgasms.

right after this is a thing called sub drop, where all those lovely endorphins are suddenly turned off, the world rushes back.

There is then a thing called aftercare, which is hugely important with humiliation type of play, as calling someone some really bad stuff and doing stuff is not good for our over all psyche / emotional state of mind.

there is also a thing called Top Drop or Dom drop, whereby the Dom / Domme also comes crashing down, this is because 99% of people do not like inflicting this on someone and feel terrible afterwards.

For example, hitting someone with a hand or crop until they are bruised is not nice and you feel shit, however for the sub it was really needed to make them feel whole and content.

[t-8900]

this was an amazing and insightful post. Thanks for helping me better understand. Tell me how you feel about a dom trying to force their partner to accept humiliation or pain when they sub tells them they really dont want them to? Maybe its emotionally hurting them. Just imho it brings into question if the love is real if it's being force. I've seen some crazy shit too. Really taking something out on a sub like extreme physical pain which causes the sub to cry. Or humiliate them to question their value as a person. And at the same time the Dom professes deep love for this person. What would you say to the dom. Lets say it was a man doing this to his woman just as an example. How would you talk to him or would you just outright confront him? Lets say this girl has been a close friend of your's for years.

[ChrisMaster69]

First off a real Dom or Domme will not Force their sub to do anything.

BDSM is firmly based on Trust, Respect, Honesty and Communcation.

When entering a relationship, both will agree to boundaries, limits etc.

These will all be based on Informed Consent, basically consenting under the principle they both know what they are doing and the risks etc. www.devianceanddesire.com/.../

Now with CNC Consensual Non Consent, what you are doing is leaving everything (with agreed limits) to the Dom / Domme and they can do anything within those limits. It can be really mild and just there so you don’t have to keep asking to do it.
While crying sounds bad, it depends on the sub and what they have agreed to, often you can have severe bruising, and worse…

Now this all assumes everything is within the agreement and informed consent of the sub.

If it is not and it’s a sadistic Dom and he is caught by someone in the community, then he may get reported to the police or beaten up.

The big problems arise when vanillas or people not in the real world scene make an assumption this is against the subs real desires and wishes.

It is hard for a few reasons, is she suffering because she is in a real abusive relationship and can’t get out, is she hooked on the pain, humiliation and the rush it gives her.

It’s really a case of talking to the girl and respecting her wishes.

[t-8900]

in the one case i am thinking of she was pressured to do these things and had mental issues already. I'm not assuming anything about the BDSM stuff per say. And hey no judgement i think everyone should be free to explore what they want with their partners. I know plenty who love it to bits and I dont hate on it. Some seems interesting in theory at least and other things I would even be up for. I'm not vanilla vanilla myself I just like to kind of know what's going on, chemistry, some emotional connection. I personally want to know what it's like to have a girl dig her claws into me. Spanking isn't really doing anything for me though. I guess it DOES come down to what they consider abuse. For me emotional manipulation and peer pressure is a form of abuse. But I'm glad to see you already agree with me on that point.

[Hanrej]

As I've been on both the recieving and giving end of humiliation I'd say it's about power. You humiliate to make your partner feel small, happy with less even as you demand more. For the dominant it's a powertrip, for the submissive it's a rush losing control and basically become increasingly dependent/controled by the dominant.

[t-8900]

no its not the same thing that's just domination. I'm talking all kinds of crazy shit. Having sex with multiple other people in front of you, inflicting physical pain even when it's clear they dont want it (maybe even crying or drawing blood), prolonging suffering etc.

[Hanrej]

And you can't see how humiliation is a part of domination?

[t-8900]

it is but not in the normal sense. Pinning her down and having sex I get. But I think this is really going overboard. But i have a disconnect between this. I still wouldn't want to treat my partner like dirt. I don't know how that expresses love.

[Shamiah02]

The best way it was explained to me, was from a guy with a little dick.
He had a sph fetish.
He said he was so ashamed and embarrassed by it his whole life, so to feel better about it, he subconsciously became aroused by being humiliated.

He said his therapist explained that your mind creates a way to cope, in this case.

His fear and shame of having a small penis made him feel like his penis was not sexually pleasing, so he found a way to make it sexually pleasing.

Being humiliated went from being his shame. to being his sexual pleasure.

So it's a coping mechanism.

[t-8900]

thats very interesting. thanks for sharing!

[Subarugirl]

oh yeah I have a humiliation and degradation kink for sure, but there is a difference between humiliation and degradation. Heightened emotion and pain produce endorphins and adrenaline, why do you think people enjoy boxing or sky diving. It's rush. It's also well know that the brain processes pain and pleasure similarly.

Its a simple question really, however the human psyche is never quite that simple.

[t-8900]

How do you feel about pressuring a partner to do these acts when they dont want to though?

[Subarugirl]

I don't think that anyone one should be pressured into any sexual act that they don't want to do, sex by cohesion is just about as bad as rape in my book.

[t-8900]

I'm glad we feel the same way!

[CrazyGirl2]

I have no idea! Some say it’s a way for powerful people to get some balance in their life, but as soon as that begins to make sense, you meet a teenage girl with very little power admitting that they LOVE it! So truly, I have NO idea?

[DizzyDesii]

I assumed point and laugh at their penis size or boob shape or something. I don't know but thats what i think of as humiliation

[t-8900]

oh no, i'm talking much deeper than that. Physical and spiritual attacks on them to make them feel like crap. Its a weird fetish i just dont get

[DizzyDesii]

Fetishes in general are for the mentally ill

[t-8900]

thats probably true. Mental Health needs to be a priority for so many reasons. We ignore it and sexual predators continue their wickedness on the most vulnerable in our population.

[loves2learn]

It usually starts when men are humiliated by women in sexual situations. Like they are told over and over again that they have a small dick, and it happens when they are about to have sex. Then the brain, probably partly as a survival mechanism, begins to associate that humiliation with sex.
.
When done in a healthy, consenting relationship, there is nothing wrong with it. But unfortunately it starts with unhealthy sexual interactions.

[Funnygirl1500]

Can you explain more about the specific case?

[tee_64]

It can be sexual turn on so if the partner is comfortable about it i see no harm in it

[t-8900]

what would you say to a person who is doing that and causing the other person to cry or to feel like they are lesser? If it's a deeply emotional thing.

[tee_64]

Everyone has different preferences in bed some like slow and soft romantic sex some like nasty dirty things it totally depends what enhances their pleasure

[t-8900]

dont get me wrong I like dirty too. I just didn't know. Like if the one person was telling you that they felt worthless and hated it and only did it because of you would you keep doing it or do something different?

[tee_64]

No i if they ain't comfortable with it i won't at all

[DonkeyDan]

I don't get it either, more so I don't understand guys that like to be humiliated.

[t-8900]

nor do i understand the guys who brutalize their girls when they say they're hurt and crying and just keep escalating. But then swear they are madly in love with each other. Like WHAT?

[DonkeyDan]

It's fucked up for sure.

[slackbabbath]

I enjoy it in sex... I like a guy dominating me and doing gross things to me and basically anything he wants. I don’t know why, I just do. I wouldn’t want to do that to him though.

[t-8900]

Ya i dont see an issue with it if it's something you enjoy. that's totally different from it being forced on you however. that's what i got a beef with. Feels like rape to me at that point

[slackbabbath]

Yeah I think it’s only ok if all people involved are into it. Otherwise that’s really shitty

[t-8900]

Amen sister! Glad we're on the same page on this.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I don’t get it

[Hangry06]

I am guessing someone would say negative stuff like you are worthless and bitch and blah and blah and you get wet or an erection

[msc545]

This is more of a fetish of the person on the receiving end.

[t-8900]

interesting. but i've known people who said they felt pressured into it as well and hated it. usually led to break ups but sometimes it went on for a while and they described it as "abuse".