Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Can't stop thinking about my ex when having sex with my partner. What can I do?

I have been with my partner for few years. Sex is good but not as good as it was with my ex (and it will never be)... I had great sexual chemistry with my ex and we were literary like animals together. I can't stop thinking of having sex with him while with my partner... In fact that is the only way for me to reach O!!! It is starting to bother me a lot as I actually feel like I would jump on my ex if I meet him accidentaly.. Any advice?
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • You are NOT the first or last wife/gf/fwb person to ever do this lol you have NOTHING to be ashamed of at all.. I know a lot of people who very open minded and this is vanilla... people fantasize ALL the time... are you going to act on it... maybe but most likely not.. even if you were it wouldn't be the same your emotions aren't connected the way they used to be other wise that relationship wouldn't have fizzled... but as for thinking about past sexual experiences go... sure remember the great ones better then remembering horrific ones. It will give you both that much more motivation to have a greater sex life and as more doors open for the both you, the greater the sex life will be as long as you have complete utter trust and you both are willing to completely let go of all inhibitions and go back to your animal instincts. If u want a better sex life be open about it, tell him what you want... tell him dirty shit u want to do while fucking get his reaction and play off it... give him direction in what to do in a kinky way allow yourself to teach him how to please you! a lot of times when it comes to intercourse it goes vanilla really quick because the needs are not being expressed and people aren't expressing things they want to try.. or how they want to try them... example: im kissing u I go down and down till I hit your pussy I eat you out... okay thats great woo hoo it felt good... but now.. example: I walk in dressed up lay u back whisper in your ear all the dirty shit I wanna do to u while spreading your legs sliding your panties off then I make my way down licking in different directions while fingering you till I reach your clit, I begin to drip warm chocolate all over ur pussy licking it all off while gently rubbing a vibrator against your clit to apply enough pressure to make u barely hold still till u want to just can't take it no more and u want to sit on my face and fuck it till your man comes home to find you in the act then bends you over... SEE its what do & how you do it... you can have a great sex life if you both just take the time to get in each others heads, it may just end up being greater then sex wirh your ex ;)

    • Thanks. I have been very open with him about what I like and how, and for some reason he seem to not be able to do it. It is like it just not him or his style.. The sex isn't bad or boring, it is just not THAT good, and a part of me doesn't want to have these thoughts in intimate moments with my partner but it is like I can't really get rid of them. And how judgmental most people are when you share what you think, It is hard to even talk about it.. as apparently I am the worst person on fucking Earth..

    • Nahhh... just use it to your advantage... and thats great if he wants vanilla tell him u need vanilla with swirl lol... take the lead dont count on him to do anything pick up a new fetish to try, or a kinky fantasy in your head that you think is hot then just make it happen role with it... I think maybe he either needs direction or isn't that experienced to be able to open up sexually.. dominate him

  • This is not fair on your current partner as he must think the sex is great and that he is the reason you orgasm. If you love him, you need to move past this or you will lose him. Talk to him about having more adventurous sex, even just starting small. If you can't do that, then you need to walk away. It's not fair to him or you.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Since you’ve asked the question, I’ll give you my honest opinion. Have some self-respect for yourself and the one you’re with, and develop some patience and self-control. What you’re doing is not only ethically wrong, but considering you’re in a relationship with someone who seems to be treating you well and by your posting is not abusing you, I find it disrespectful you’re mentally and emotionally cheating on him while having sex.

    It doesn’t matter how good the sex was with your ex. For some reason, whatever it is, you’re no longer with him, but with someone else and if you aren’t able to accept being with this new person and he’s not satisfying you sexually, then you should have open communication with him and tell him upfront your feelings and what you’re thinking.

    If you feel you can’t be with him because of your thoughts and emotions for your ex, then let him know this and the two of you need to seek out others to make you happy, but don’t continue to hide this from the one you’re with. That’s just wrong on so many levels in my opinion.

    • You are assuming I am hiding it.. He s very much aware of it and despite our conversation he cannot be someone he is not in bed. I appreciate your opinion but personally for me such thing as mental and emotional cheating does not exist... The reason I asked the question is because this thoughts bother me as a result of them I cannot actually enjoy having sex with my partner..

    • @ Asker: It wasn't an assumption, because you didn't mention in your posting that your partner was or was not aware of this fact of what is in your mind while the two of you are having sex. Since you've clarified and stated he is aware of what you're thinking about or feeling while you're having sex or your thoughts regarding your ex, then he's responsible for whether or not this is acceptable to him or not; his choice. However, though it may be your view that emotional and mental cheating doesn't exist I disagree and in my view, pretending to be with someone in your head mentally or feeling such emotions for another while you're with someone else is just as much cheating to me as if you were doing it physically.

    • That is a fair point if that is how you feel. Different people different opinions :). I don't have feelings for my ex it is purely sexual and hard to put in words.

    • Show All

  • Just let Time go on, you have developed a strong emotional attraction to your ex and this is something that takes a while to subside. Also consider if there is something about your current boyfriend that legitimately makes him less then your ex and weigh it against the cons of your ex. Oh and what ever you do don't say your ex's name during sex.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 12

  • First, stop feeling so guilty. What happens in your head belongs to you, no one else! Nobody has the right to tell you what to think or what not to. Your mind is your own playground and laboratory where you can do anything without being bothered.

    Now, if you want tomget rid of this, why not think about the reasons why you two broke up? If you fell out of love or could never talk to each other without fighting, you might want tomremind you of these moments. That should do it. If you can't find any bad moments, then maybe you are not over him?

  • I just want to say that I'm glad that I am clear from your path of destruction.

    • 😂 😂

  • Maybe look up your ex and have a 3some.

  • its normal just let the time do the rest =)

  • You can't help what goes on in your head, but you should question your relationship with your partner. How would you feel if a partner you loved thought of someone else during sex? Are you really happy in this relationship, or deep down would you rather be single and find someone else?

Show More(7)

Related Questions

If women don’t enjoy penetration then why do they like sex?
What makes someone of opposite sex good in bed for you?
Is getting a circumcision the right answer in my case?
What is the safest way to dispose a used condom that was not your husband?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Can't stop thinking about my ex when having sex with my partner. What can I do?