Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
You hear people all the time talking about people (in particular, women) who have a lot, or even a little bit, of casual sex, as being “used up”. A lot of people have this idea in their head that anyone who is able to have casual, meaningless sex is incapable of having truly meaningful sex, because they don’t view it as something significant and emotionally intimate.
(The last guy I called my boyfriend before the wonderful gem I’m with now used to pick fights with me over that all the time. It drove me NUTS because, while he was still willing to have sex with me, he thought it was OK to ask me about my sexual past and then bring it up all the time as a way of making me feel bad about myself and “lucky” that he’s with me at all. Needless to say, that relationship did not last long.)
Anyways, while I can sort of understand the perspective, it’s also long boggled my mind that people think of sex as something that permanently damages a person. It’s not. It’s a perfectly natural human thing to do and any significance attached to it comes not from the act itself, but from the relationship you have with the person you’re doing it with.
Think about it like this: it’s like hugs. Some people are huggy people – they hug everyone. They hug their colleagues. They hug old high school acquaintances who they happen to run into. They hug their kids’ friends. They hug their friends’ spouses. They hug, hug, hug all day long. Most of those hugs are completely meaningless and hold no more emotional significance than a firm handshake. Yet, no one would EVER claim that a person who gives lots of hugs to lots of people is “used up” and incapable of giving a truly meaningful, emotionally intimate hug.
Just because you hug 6 people a day as a way of saying “hello”, doesn’t mean something more when you give a real deep, encompassing hug to your spouse, your best friend or your mother. Even if you hug everyone you meet, when you hug your spouse it means something more. Maybe not every time. Maybe sometimes you hug your spouse just for the sake of it, but sometimes when you hug that person it’s a deeper, more meaningful, highly emotional act.
So why do we pretend sex is so different?? It’s not. Just because I’ve had casual sex with other people in the past, doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of having meaningful sex with my boyfriend now. When I have sex with my boyfriend, sometimes it is just a fun little romp, but a lot of the time it’s a very deep, very meaningful and highly emotional act. I feel close to him. I look him deep in the eyes and bare my soul to him. I feel like two bodies coming together as one. I can feel ALL of these things with my boyfriend, and having had meaningless romps with other people in the past doesn’t change any of that. It doesn’t impact our connection or the meaning or the emotional bond that my boyfriend and I form during sex. The way I feel during sex with my boyfriend is something completely different than anything I’ve ever felt during sex with anyone else. To me, that almost makes it MORE special. If every sexual partner I’d had in the past was someone I was once “in love” with, wouldn’t that make this relationship feel less significant than it is? I don’t know. But just because my history of casual sex makes the sex I feel with my boyfriend feel more meaningful to me, doesn’t mean I’m gonna go around and judge other people who have had “meaningful” sex with 2 or 3 different people and say that their current relationships mean any less.
What Girls & Guys Said
34 77I love this! You said it all.
Despite all evidence showing it adversley impacts relationship stability and that the greater number of partners the greater the probability of divorce? Despite the fact that promiscuity has in fact been linked to higher probability of cheating? Just because it feels good and you want it doesn't mean its good for you or that it won't have a negative impact on both you and those around you.
I never said I was a part of this, but that's not anyone's problem. Who are we to judge other people because of their sexual habits? To put virginity and monogamy on a pedestral? Just do what you feel like doing and leave others alone.
What's your definition of evidence? I'm sure there equal " evidence" showing the inverse is true. People look for what they want to and there always study to back up a prejudice.
@Azara that's so true.
Exactly @Azara It's so annoying that you can't even have a different opinion on here.
But thats the problem, it does affect others. Promiscuis people are more likely to divorce and to cheat. This directly affects other people. If they live the rest of there lives with out a relationship that is fine but what she is saying is tha she should be able t be promiscuis without judgment, but also get into a commited relationship to someone and not have to respect the fact that they do not want to take that risk of being with someone who has a higher probability to cheat and or divorce. That is a double standard isn't it? Not to mention a judgment, its disrespectful to those men who want more and she is arguing why it doesn't matter what they want. That in turn does harm to them because she feels she is entitled to act in any fashion she wishes without consequence even if it negatively impacts them.
@Azara I have a list of evidence, empirical studies, that show this, its in my comment if you wish to read them, I believe one is from the national institue of health so fairly reliable. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it any less true. @PoeticMemory of course you can have a opinion, you have already stated yours, that does not mean others will agree to it or not argue against it having opinoins of there own. Having the right to an opinion is different to having the right not to be questioned.
@hellionthesage why comment and downvote my opinion when you could post your own? You're not changing my mind. "Just because it feels good and you want it doesn't mean its good for you or that it won't have a negative impact on both you and those around you." And I'm sorry but who are you to tell me this? God? You don't know a thing about me. Cheers.
Why would you state an opinion on a open forum and not be prepared to defend it? I have stated my opinion, the reason why a commented on yours because you made false statements that have been shown to be false. Of course I am not going to change your mind, you want to do as you wish without any consequence, so obviously empirical evidence will not change your mind because you don't want to change. That does not mean one should not point out the inconsistencies in your statements. I made my statements because I care about the truth, not your feelings. I never claimed to be god nor suggested I was. I never told you not to be promiscuous. Nor have I made any attempt to dictate your actions, all I have done is tell you the truth and explain why, if you wish to be a socially responsible person, it matters. I could care less if you sleep with your entire school/neighborhood/city etc. I could care less if you hate your life or the world or love it. I could care less if you wish to be a prostitute or a porn-star. It doesn't matter to me, what does matter is the truth, its unacceptable, to me, to let you hide behind a lie. Do what you will but do not lie about its impact.
If your past is important to me, then that's my right to discriminate.
If you don't want to date guys who care where their woman comes from, that's your right to discriminate.
I think the fact that you're a hypocrite is an even bigger turn-off than the fact that you're a whore and a whore apologist.
Here's the thing: a guy is seen as able to have casual sex without being "used up" because his value in society is in no way attached to his reproductive capabilities or his sexual market value, whereas when a girl goes around having a lot of casual sex, she is actively lowering her value in society due to the fact that in general, a female's value is directly related to her reproductive capabilities and her sexual marketplace value and her value in society are one and the same. Regardless of whether or not she is actually "using herself up" by getting pregnant, females as a whole have a finite amount of eggs and fertile periods in their lifetime, so when she has a lot of sex, we as humans feel on a biologically fundamental level that she is lowering her value.
"a female's value is directly related to her reproductive capabilities" That's precisely the problem. Even if I didn't have much casual sex, or any, does the fact that I don't want children mean I hold no value to society? Despite the fact that I am a productive member of society? That I, with just a little bit of direction from an executive, run an entire non-profit organization on my own? That I have given generously to friends, to family, and even to strangers? That I try to live my life positively and help others when I can? Despite all of that, I have no value because I don't want to reproduce? That is a sick and sad mentality to have and I don't think it has any place in modern society.
What about my two female friends that I know of who are physically incapable of bearing children. Do they hold no value? Even from the perspective that a woman's value comes from her reproductive capabilities, that doesn't explain in any way how her value is tarnished by having casual sex. It's not like more eggs get used up when a woman has sex. Whether you're a virgin or you fuck 3 different dudes in a month, you're still releasing the same number of eggs, which are essentially thrown away unless you allow them to be fertilized.
All I'm saying is that AS A SPECIES our biology tells us these things. You would be fucking surprised how much of our lisard brain controls the way we think. It's not me being "sick and sad" as you say. We are not above our biology as humans. We will always be animals. We are not divine beings.
"We are not above our biology as humans. We will always be animals." Now THAT, I just refuse to believe. We are different than animals. There is a reason men don't murder each other for mates. There's a reason we don't start fucking in the middle of the street in front of crowds of people. There's a reason we share stuff with no expectations to get something back, and why we cooperate to accomplish common goals. There's a reason why we discuss important decisions with others, and we use reason to determine the best course of action rather than just following instinct all the time. We're intellectually superior to animals. We're not slaves to instinct and I think that trying to justify unreasonable and damaging rules and roles with regard to sex and gender by claiming it's "natural" or "biological" or "instinct" is incredibly lazy and dismissive of the fact that we can consciously choose to be "above our biology".
*facepalm* go finish highschool. You are clearly uneducated.
Graduated uni 4 years ago, kid.
Men do murder each other for mates. They also murder each other for money so they can find mates. If it wasn't for our legal system it would be far more common than it is now. We are social animals and follow rules of society to fit in, but that doesn't mean we aren't animals. Even other animals have been found to perform acts of charity. Humans really aren't that special. We have language and can build stuff. That is pretty much all that makes us different.
If you're throwing out pussy like you throw out hugs then HMU.
Because analogies are totally literal... SMFH...
So that's a no, then?
when you detach sex from emotions its like detaching taste from food. sure you can argue that you eat solely to survive and food with no taste should not be discriminated against but at the end of the day most people can taste it amd it WILL affect their future outlook on life.
i won't hate on anyone for having casual sex but as someone who has seen both sides od the coin i can't ever date or even sleep with someone who still believes casual sex is completely inconsequential
I concurr, the more I learn the more against it I am. I use to not care but now it really does bother me. Though its not immoral there are significant issues with it, mainley studies show instubility in relationships and higher risk of divorce (among other things) for people who have a casual approach to sex. Sex is as important for its social/emotional aspects as it is its reproductive (the reason we have such a strong drive to begin with), I really like your analogue.
@hellionthesage you do realize that people grown and change throughout their lives too, right? Yes, in the past I've held a pretty cavalier attitude about sex, but as I've gotten a bit older and I've reached a point in my life where what I want more than anything is to settle down with someone I love in a monogamous relationship, my view on the sex that I crave has changed. I still think there is nothing wrong with casual sex, but it's not what I want or crave anymore at this point in my life.
@Sara413 As I have pointed out numerous times and linked to, there are consequences to your actions. It will result in a higher probability of instability and divorce, you desciding now because your biological clock is ticking or your more aware tha you have less value in the sexual market place due to aging or that you simply are begining to think about what will happen when you get older, it doesn't matter. There are negative impacts to your actions and it will in all probability result in some one being hurt very badly and most likely the man you marry losing his home his children (if you plan on having any) his money etc. His and your children losing a father and a family etc. Statisticly speakin it is a very good probability. Only a child would think that an action would not have any impact.
@Sara413 I think the point is not that your actions were 'wrong' or 'right' but that they will have consequences. You're very psyche and world view has changed due to these experiences and that will show. Maybe you won't notice it but others will. The real question is, have you really learnt your lesson or are have you just realized that you need more stability and proper men for your next stage of life to be more enjoyable? My real qualm here is that because sex and emotion are separate, everyone's value becomes purely physical. I am just a walking toy and she is just a hole to fill. That's not the case, we are both humans, we both have thoughts, expectations and goals (hopefully) in life and we both need help. If not physically then mentally, or emotionally. But instead of admit this we rather pretend our only worth to each other is sex and whoever gives it up first loses.
"when you detach sex from emotions its like detaching taste from food." You put into words what I never could bro!
Why do you care? If you really believe casual sex is good than you shouldn't care what other people think.
then*
Your right about not judging people for how they choose to live their lives, so long as they aren't hurting anyone, but the part about sex being as simple as a hug I can't agree with.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=um3EmS9DKsIFor some people this does seem to be true, some women and most men, but for most women your opinion is simply not true. It would be interesting to know what you think of the government stats on the issue, did you base your opinion on fact or feels?
Good video, how did you do that, so far I can only seem to post links (despite my best efforts it would seem)
her opinion is based on feels. the whole take was her trying to convince herself that she's the same as a good girl.
@hellionthesage I just copy and paste, it used to not work for me either then one day it just did.. wish I could be of more help. @dudeman Yeah your probably right. Figured I'd ask rather then accuse though, I've been trying to be a little less intense when I talk to people, sometimes I can come off a lot stronger then I intend too.
ehhh people are all the same. we do things for the same reason, self preservation is a powerful thing. we convince ourselves of many things. i always use the example of hitler. do you think he thought he was a bad person or do you think he justified his actions in his own mind.
Ah, must be linked to experience then, when I first was on here it wouldn't let me post links.(really annoying actually) @dudeman Its called microchimerism, the women having male genetics inside of them due to sex (and pregnancy)
AGREED
10char
I wouldn't mind even if a girl had infinity sexual partners.
While I understand the analogy the fact remains that the two are quite different in a lot of ways, sorry but I have to disagree with this.
Sex is natural, you got that part right. You're just not understanding what nature is trying to do with it. Sex is for reproduction, that's why you have the parts up inside you that you do. You're supposed to take a mate and hopefully have children. You raise them within a family unit. There are even studies that show how children develop with a mother and father in that setting. This is an evolved system that goes back to the first life on earth, billions of years of selection and adaption. You can not just ignore these hard facts because you want casual sex. Live isn't like that and you will suffer as a result.
hmmm...
I guess I unknowingly banged my sister, boss, aunt, brother, nephew, and daughter in the passed year alone
Analogies, bro... they're not literal.
I'm simply using your words. If it's an analogy it's an insanely horrible one and you need a different example than a hug. Nobody in their right mind would think the two are similar. You hug Hugh Hefner and it's meh You think of having casual sex and I'm sure the thought is pretty unsettling.
analogy noun anal·o·gy \ə-ˈna-lə-jē\ : a comparison of two things based on their being alike in some way : the act of comparing two things that are alike in some way Note the key words "in some way".
i needed that.
It's not the same. It's " like". Like the light she like the moon.. Doesn't mean I can take a rocket ship and plant myself on the light.
It's not the same "In some way" That's why it isn't an analogy. I know full well what one is it is obvious you don't.
Just for fun, why don't find find a fitting analogy for sex so that we can show you how wrong you are...
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https://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/60254699.jpg
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The problem with this kind of thinking is that you don't know what disease you carry because it happens so haphazardly... it's not like you get tested before you have sex with someone. Not only that there are MANY studies to show that this type of behavior negatively affects women psychologically... but someone like you are not willing to admit that... it's too brusing for your ego.
If your boyfriend sees you like this then you would attractive people like yourself. You'd be more likely to cheat because sex is so casual and so will he. You'd always question whether or not your partner was faithful because sex is so casual and easy to obtain.
Would you put an alcoholic in a liquor store and expect him to just resist something he's been so casual with his whole life? No! He'd get every bottle he can get because it's normal for him and he doesn't even realize it. That's how casual sex is.
Casual sex isn't casual and it shouldn't be unless you are married or in a committed relationship.
There’s nothing casual about sex and it’s disgusting.
Now that I think of it! I would like a hug every morning when I am horny
Hugs don't spread venereal disease.
Or result in unwanted pregnancies and abortions. Not sure what your stance is on the matter but its certainly a result of that lifestyle.
Neither does sex when it's done safely. I've never had an STD in my life.
Not venereal diseases that's true. What about other diseases? Like a cold or the flu?
Tell that to a guy you want to marry.
IIiiiii doubt she will. xD
you're so wrong on this its not even funny. that statistics dont lie loose women make horrible wives and mothers. yes it does change you and actually the men a women has had sex with their dna actually gets incorporated into hers.
It's COMPLETELY different from casual hugs. Read what I said in the comments here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1473295-do-you-think-it-s-inconsistent-to-be-christian-also-do-sexual-things
Also read this: sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../Mere-Christianity-bk-3-ch-5-553691823
and this: sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../Mere-Christianity-bk-3-ch-6-552240466
and this: sin-and-love.deviantart.com/.../The-Four-Loves-ch-5-554381243
and finally this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a9763-why-humans-have-evolved-to-prefer-monogamy
Look at this sut trying to rationalize her actions. Sorry sluts there is a distinct different between a hug and letting a guy stick his pens in your vagina. You are a whore. Get over it.
This whole post 1+ LOL #moment hahahahaha #UpVote