Could it be that he had/has some personality disorder?

My ex, boyfriend. Honestly i am still thinking of him and i don't know if we are done with one another.
What i wanted to ask is: he was sometimes acting as a different person, depending at the time of the day or circumstances (sexual release). Like from one opposite, to another.
At first i started noticing that he is acting tough and into rough sex during the day, or even into sadism, if i would let him. But then he was so caring during the night, especially before we go to bed (sleep), he just wants to hug me, protect me, cared for me.
I even remember him kissing me in his sleep!
And yet often, during the day, when he was into BDSM, he really enjoyed causing me pain, humiliate me, hit me. And i swear i could see it in his eyes - he LOVED overpowering and degrading me. It just... wasn't the same smile, you know? He did not had the same look, i didn't feel him as the same person.
I've brought up the 'issue' with him once, after such sex, when he started acting nicely again, and he said, he cannot understand himself - why he liked this and why wanted to do these things. He said he remembers the thoughts, but cannot understand them and they do not feel as his own.
Updates:
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What the... i posted this in "Guys behavior!" Or at least i remember i chose that option...
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It is possible. I’m not surprised he doesn’t understand himself, as many who have abnormal personalities are unable or unwilling to know themselves. This in itself is a challenge for any relationships with them. Unless you are into receiving unpredictable and abusive behavior, it is best to run—not walk—away from this relationship.

  • Does he remember all the things he does to you or it is like a blur and doesn't remember a lot of it?
    Does it affect any other aspects of his life?
    Does he also have depression?

    • He remembers everything. But can't understand himself from few hours ago. In a fact, he doesn't even find those things arousing. That's why he said - he cannot understand himself: why he liked this and why wanted to do these things. Once, i have asked him while in his 'other' mood, and asked him why he likes causing me pain, choke me, dominate me, force me, he said he FEEDS on my pain.

    • I don't think it's a personality disorder such as they are like a dissociative identity disorder but he definitely has some psychological issues. Do you know if he had an abuse when he was younger?

    • No, he wasn't abused. But i remember him once sharing with me, that he was rejected by many girls as a teen and it may have somehow affected him.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • BDSM is not considered normal so it's likely.

    • I consider it normal.

  • Typically someone that is into BDSM finds a partner that enjoys that type of sex. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde only did that because you allowed it to happen. BDSM is a lifestyle, typically you don't sway from it. He is definitely different, I don't know if he has a disorder or not but typically when you're doing BDSM, you remember everything

  • It's certainly possible.

  • A lot of people act different when they're sexually aroused so I wouldn't necessarily say he has a personality disorder. However I'd be very concerned if he loses control while experiencing sadistic impulses. It's also very odd that he claims to not remember that shit afterwards. You need 100% honesty to have a good sexual relationship and he seems like he's in denial about some of his kinks.

    • He is not in denial, and he DOES remembers everything. But cannot understand his desires prior orgasm.

  • It happens guys can like. It all

  • Maybe he needs to see a therapist?

    • Over my own suspicion? :D