Could my boyfriend be a pedophile?

[Jostina]

Hello, please help me. Me and my boyfriend are both 23. We’ve been together for 2 years. I’m always anxious and get stressed over the slightest things. I wanted to make sure of this so please give me your thoughts. Me and my boyfriend love each other a lot and he’s so loving and caring. A year ago, he was talking about his 11 year old twin cousins (girls)&how they are different and he said one of them is curvy and the other is skinny, i think that using “curvy” is inappropriate to describe an 11 year old but didn’t say anything, maybe he said that instead of “fat”? Yesterday he told me he was tickling one of them&she refused& told him I’m all grown up now so don’t do this (the one he described as curvy last year)&then he told me he tickled the other one and she was okay with it and kept laughing. He also once told me he can’t imagine how both of them would grow one day and won’t be kids anymore and that he won’t be able to hold or hug them anymore (we’re in a western& religious country). he also always calls me baby or baby girl or baby “insert my nickname”He sometimes tells me he feels like I’m his daughter, when asked him why, he told me that because he feels like he wants to take care of me, feed and protect me. He also tells me a lot how cute I am. I tried to figure out if he was or not, so I asked him if it was okay if I didn’t shave my private parts during sex & he said it was totally fine. He once told me that he doesn’t really like children and when we get married we can have our own children but after a couple of years of marriage, it was a topic that we both discussed to know when we’ll get children when we’re married. Note: sometimes I do act like a little girl& a friend once told me that too. I honestly do depend on him in general and likes it when he takes care of me. So is it sth I should worry about? Could he be a pedophile or is this normal

[SueShe]

No, I don't think he is what you assume.

In my opinion, he is just protective of you and likes to call you by names other than your first name. That is fairly normal that people use other names to call those that they care for. There is nothing unusual about that type of behavior.

I would be more cautious if he would specifically seek the contact with his nieces and get a little too close for comfort. He should realize that at age 11, pre-teens are often starting their puberty and touching them, knowing that, would indeed awake my suspicion.

Also, the fact that he does not mind you not shaving your genital area would lead me to believe that he is not attracted to younger girls.

[Jostina]

No he doesn’t seek contact with them. In fact, the don’t meet except every now and then during family gatherings only

[SueShe]

I would say that you should observe his behavior when you are close to children and if he looks at them in a way that would lead you to believe that there is a potential problem. If you go to the mall and when you come across children or pre-teen girls, observe how he behaves. That should be an indicator to you.

[Jostina]

Well what behavior should be a redflag? Can you give examples please? Sorry I just tend to worry myself a lot

[SueShe]

For example if you come across younger girls and if he turns around to look at them once they passed or if he makes some comments like "doesn't she look cute" when addressing a 10-12 year old girl. Those would be indicators that you should be alarmed.

[Jostina]

But isn’t describing 10/11 year old girls cute is actually okay? Since they are still kids? He didn’t do so but just asking

[SueShe]

By describing his 10-11 years old cousins he is merely giving a biased opinion about family members. People somehow are more lenient towards family members. I would worry if he starts calling total strangers cute.

[ScottStevens]

There comes a point when men have to treat young ladies differently than when they were much older. That age is different for every child. BUT 11 years old is definitely when an older man should know that little girls have become young ladies and they should be treated as such. Hopefully he has respected the requests of the curvey twin and also stopped being playful with the other twin as well. Do remember when he has 12 they were just born. Being cousins he probably was being an older brother to them.

As for your situation, I think he is treating you the way both of you have grown used to. BUT if this is something you are now uncomfortable with, you should feel fine in letting him know you are ready for a more serious relationship. The "puppy" love phase is over.

Not really the time to decide if he is truly a pedophile or not yet. BUT if his actions continue as they have been without any changes, you will need to move on because it makes you uncomfortable.

[Jostina]

What do you mean by “not really the time to decide if he truly is a pedophile or not yet” does it mean there’s sth wrong in what I wrote? Or does it mean I need to test sth? I honestly find it cute that he wants to protect me and take care of me. I just usually over analyze everything and get anxious quickly.

[ScottStevens]

You may be over thinking this. BUT I think he has given you good reason to be alert. That is what I meant to say. If he respects the requests of the twins, that is a good thing. I remember when I was 40 and just married to my wife of 30, she had many nieces and nephews. They all were age 2 - 7 or so. When I joined the family they would jump all over me and want to wrestle on the floor. the laughing and giggling was a blast. Imagine 5 or 6 little ones all in one pile. Then one day a niece came to me afterwords and said I was touching her! With 5 or 6 kids on me I would never have known if I was or not, it certainly was not anything purposeful. Needless to say, wrestle time was over, I never played like that with the kids again. Your boyfriend needs to make sure he respects the wishes of the twins, the truth be known he has been playing with them for a long time, but now things have changed it it time to change that behavior. As for your relationship, I would not think anything about him enjoying wanting to take are of you as a pedophile situation. I still love taking care of my wife in the same manner.

[Jostina]

Okay well can you please tell me how can I make sure without asking him if he will respect the wishes of the children? I don’t want to sound like I’m accusing him of anything but I still want to make sure so that I can shut my mind up with all the overthinking.. any suggestions?

[ChillDad]

None of those things shout pedo. Curvy isn't a sexual term. Tickling younger family members isn't sexual. The whole daughter thing is just him feeling like your protector.

Not once has he said he likes a child's physiology. Not once has he talked about sex with a child.

You're overanalyzing everything. This won't end well for you

[Jostina]

So there’s nothing to worry about what I wrote right? And yes you’re definitely right that I overanalyze every single thing in my life which causes a lot of problems to me..

[ChillDad]

I personally see nothing wrong with anything you wrote

[Jostina]

Sb told me that he has given me a good reason to suspect, my question is.. how to make sure it isn’t pedophilia? Is there a way to know for sure so that I can shut my anxiety and my overthinking? Please help me

[ChillDad]

I guess I just don't see how anyone should expect pedophilia. It's way rarer than you're making it seem. If he ever expresses interest in sex with 10 year olds, sure I'd break up with him. Until then, why would you even think it. He's with you. Are you a little girl? No. If you look into it, most pedos can't hold down relationships

[pixie215]

doesn't sound like a pedo to me. nothing stands out to support your concern.

[Jostina]

So I shouldn’t be worried? Cause sb told me that he has given me a good reason to suspect?

[pixie215]

have you ever seen anything he's done odd to them? like touching them wrong, saying sexual things, grooming them? if the guy had called her fat instead of curvy you would have thought that insensitive? i mean doesn't sound like this guy can win, he was sensitive in describing and yet now he isn't a pig or mean but a pedo? you know the difference if you dont you shouldn't be dating anyone, really. with you being called baby etc i been called that it has nothing to do with kids or being a pedo but a term of endearment. somebody told you but they dont know whats going on none of us are there to see what is going on, to me it sounds like you are way over analyzing it all.

[Jostina]

Well yea if he called her fatter I would’ve told him that he’s being insensitive, this also happened like a year ago, and then the tickling thing happened a couple of days ago. Also I haven’t seen him with his cousins except for once when I met his family and we were all sitting together infront of his family talking and he was nice to them and he a 5 year old cousin of his was sitting on his lap and he was playful to her while talking to her mother but nothing was creepy

[Jostina]

I always feel like I want reassurance and I overthink way too much about anything

[pixie215]

doesn't sound like he's a creeper to be honest not from what you are describing.

[Jostina]

Well is there anyway I could be sure? Like without being direct with him about it, without really accusing him

[pixie215]

yes watch him around kids meaning how he interacts with them. you know the difference between good and bad, you just are way over thinking this all

[DaveJord]

Well as soon as you said your always stressed and anxious over the slightest things I stopped reading. Break up with him, he probably deserves better than you.

You're a spazz ... do this guy a favor and break it off.

[Hawner]

As far as I could read, he seems a very nice cousin that is invested in his cousins' lives. I see nothing or of the ordinary there.

[Jostina]

What about the fact that he tells me he feels like I’m his daughter at times cause he wants to feed me, take care of me.. etc. is it a redflag or not?

[Hawner]

Inconsequential. You yourself said that sometimes you at like a child. That and maybe he does have certain protective instinct, makes sense that he would feel that way. It is not a bad thing, or a flag as you say, just a part of him. There isn't anything that leads towards wanting to be with kids.

[Jostina]

You are probably right, I may be over analyzing everything that happens and I get scared real quick.

[EmmaMary]

Congratulations on winning a Troll of the day award.

[Jostina]

Why? Can you please clarify or give me a helpful answer to sth that I’m trying to understand

[boggboss]

Sorry where are u getting pedo vibes I'm so confused are u just jumping to conclusions or has he actually done somthing

[PrettyPriya]

I’m confused too. Therefore I’m not going to comment and instead hitchhike on your opinion.

[boggboss]

Thats comeplty fine when I read the question is as thinking what fucked up shit I'm I about to see but this is all pretty basic stuff

[PrettyPriya]

How in the hell do I keep losing people I follow? Grrr. This happens like once a week at random. The GaG gods are not on my side. 😞

[Jostina]

Maybe I am jumping to conclusions bec I’m normally an anxious person, but no he didn’t do anything

[boggboss]

U understand how self sabotaging this is right

[Jostina]

So is it all pretty basic stuff? Like I shouldn’t worry at all?

[boggboss]

What is there to worry about the only thing that's off is him saying u are like his child yet u admit to liking that he feels responsible for u so if anything u play into it

[Jostina]

Well yea I do understand it is self sabotaging but that’s because I worry too much maybe? Also when he tell me it feels like I’m his daughter I don’t get freaked out since we don’t have sex cause of religious and cultural reasons. And I like it when takes care of me soo..

[boggboss]

So u still have not provided anything that would point for him being one

[Jostina]

Well what about the part when he was telling me about his two 11 year old cousins where one of them is curvy and the other is skinny? Could it be possible that he said curvy instead of fatter maybe? Should I ask him about it? Or would that lead him to being upset with me for thinking this way? I’m overthinking this so much, just like anything in my life really

[boggboss]

Curvy is not a inherently sexual comment I really thing u need to sit down and stop overthinking as if this is how u are i don't see how a relationship will last

[Jostina]

Oh, I’ve always thought it is a sexual comment. In fact, it is what got me thinking like that. I mean him calling my his baby girl feels cute to me. And him wanting to take care of me as if I’m his daughter is also cute right? He once told me that when I was eating my food he kept looking at me lovingly as if I was his daughter that be would be happy with for finishing her food lol. He generally likes to take care of his family especially his sisters too so he’s caring in general. I know I do have a problem with overthinking stuff, it was also a problem in our relationship that caused problems. Sorry if I vented out too much, but would appreciate your reply

[boggboss]

It seems it still causes problems u just don't communicate with him about them

[Jostina]

Well what about the fact that I asked him if it was okay if I was hairy down there or all over my body during sex, he told me he wouldn’t mind at all and he would love to see me in my natural state too.. that is also an indicator that he’s not a pedo right?

[boggboss]

How?

[Jostina]

I’ve read several times that pedos always prefer hairless female bodys.. but I also know some guys who do and aren’t pedos lol

[boggboss]

So pedos prefer hair even tho kids wouldn't have hair down there sorry are u using your brain

[Jostina]

No what I meant that pedos don’t prefer hair at all

[boggboss]

But if he didn't mind u having hair how would that match up

[Jostina]

You’re right, seems like I just freak myself out by overthinking stuff

[FunkyMonkee]

Doesn't sound like a pedo, to me!

[Yunganddumb6765]

I only read about half of it and it doesn't sound too bad to me. But you seem to really be hung up on it maybe you should move on.

[jahaims]

This is an amazing troll or you are a moron

[motownplayer2000]

You sound either like a troll. Or younger than you are. But we can play this game. He seems normal, sounds like he doesn’t know how to use the right words. But he doesn’t sound like a pedophile to me

[Pete671]

imho no, he's just protective over his nieces,,,

[Jostina]

So nothing to worry about in what I wrote?

[Pete671]

No I don't think so, he sounds like a really decent guy tbh who takes an interest in his nieces welfare,,,

[Jostina]

What about the fact that he tells me he feels like I’m his daughter at times cause he wants to feed me, take care of me.. etc. is it a redflag or not?

[Pete671]

that's a bit strange but doesn't make him a paedo imho,,,

[Twalli]

I don't see anything wrong with this. Adults sometimes cannot see kids growing up. They just don't process it. In fact sometimes fathers are opposed to their daughter dating because they don't process her as an adult. Some men pick girls that they feel protective of and more like a father than boyfriend. Since you have sex, it's obvious he recgonize that it isn't such a relationship.

[Jostina]

We don’t have sex, but how can I know for sure? Somebody told me that he might have given me a good reason to suspect pedophilia.. so what should I do? How can I be sure please?

[IsoUser]

I very seriously doubt it he's your boyfriend for God's sake.
An he's right as girls and guys mature the want less physical contact with parents and parental figures they're trying to find and figure out they're own space so to speak. Why are you freaking Out about it? I am guessing that you yourself had Issues?

[Jostina]

Well yes I do have an issue with worrying and overthinking too much. So there is nothing concerning in what I’ve wrote? Even the part where he sometimes feels as if I’m his daughter bec he wants to protect and take care of me? He also told me that he’s okay with me being hairy when we marry and have sex (we don’t have sex now due to cultural and religious beliefs where we live)

[GMANN56]

WOW you are reading way too much into what sounds like normal behavior to me.
Seeing a therapist about your anxiety might be a good idea.

[Jostina]

So I shouldn’t be creeped out by him telling me that he feels I’m like his daughter for wanting to feed and protect me

[GMANN56]

I don't think so. Just a way of saying he feels protective of you. Using the term daughter is a little strange but that doesn't come anywhere near meaning that he has a sexual attraction for children.

[Mahmoud_Madyan]

Are you seriously?
This very normal!!

[Anonymous]

Overthinking isn't the healthiest thing for your mind. Try spending more time together if you really want piece of mind

[Anonymous]

a pedophile is a man who rapes children. Maybe you should reign those thoughts in. One of the shittiest things about being a man is having your every word and action questioned and viewed in a bad light, like everyone is trying to make a bad guy outta you. It fuckin sucks. If it’s a hot day and there’s a water park full of kids, idgaf what anyone thinks, I’m hoppin in there and dancing around in the water with the kids and if you got a problem with that fuck you. I’ve gotten looks and they can fuckin bite me, I’m innocent

[Anonymous]

No he is not a pedo.