Could you have a long term bdsm relationship?

[Anonymous]

Like if you are both into it and were to get married and have kids could it last? Would you still do bdsm? Would it effect the marriage?

[redeyemindtricks]

I don't know exactly what you have in mind when you say "BDSM" -- whether you're talking about some lightweight, 50 Shades type stuff, or whether you're talking about something much more intense.
If you're talking about something more intense, then, a loving, committed, TRUSTING long-term relationship should absolutely be THE ONLY context in which you try to make that sort of fantasy into anything more than just fantasy.

I mean... honestly, this question worries me.
If you have to *ask* whether this sort of thing can happen in a long marriage... Where DO you imagine it happening? In some random fly-by-night encounter with a relative stranger? 😐
I guess that could work if it's just lightweight stuff... but certainly not otherwise.

Obviously, when it comes to family life, you need to exercise a certain amount of discretion. And logistical opportunities may not be anywhere and everywhere -- but, of course, denial and frustration are often part of the experience. (:

__

"Would it affect the marriage?"

^^ If you have a partner you can TRUST to help you explore yr deepest, darkest, most emotionally fraught fantasies -- the kind of partner into whose hands you'd put yr whole *life* (quite literally, in the case of the more intense kinds of bdsm) -- then breaking down those barriers together will just bring you closer and closer together.

[MrOracle]

You can't have a healthy BDSM relationship without a HUGE amount of trust - something that doesn't happen overnight by the way. So, obviously a long-term relationship is better to start with.

Now, would normal family life cause some adjustments? Sure. You probably won't be able to build yourself a "dungeon room" in the same house where you raise your kids, and you probably won't be able to walk round wearing only a leash, collar, and nipple clamps. LOL. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy a BDSM relationship - you just have to find other places to do most of your BDSM activities, or find ways to do them when the kids are away.

[Intraluminal]

I used to be into S&M, bestiality, and necrophilia, until I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

Yes you can. For a woman's perspective, just ask @redeyemindtricks

[redeyemindtricks]

Look how you made that dad joke, right there.

[Intraluminal]

@redeyemindtricks Yeah. I need to update my jokes, but it was just so apropos.

[NJ_Casanova]

I think it would have to be on the DL and be done when the kids were out/sleeping... just like normal/loud sex when you have kids.

[teawrecks]

That would be a dream come true.

[LesbianBusinessWoman]

I love doing BDSM with my girlfriend!!

[AynonOMouse]

Yes, as long as you still enjoy other parts of the relationship too and you have the same morals then it can totally work.

[HeelLover]

Yeah, nothing will stop me from having BDSM