Dating A Pedophile - What sexual urges are normal for the average male?

[Anonymous]

Recently I went out on a couple of dates with a guy from my home town. We're on the same college campus and it's how we met (never talked in our town growing up). He's extremely smart, handsome, interesting, funny, an inventor, loves sports and loves science as much as I do. He was so fun and I couldn't believe I found a guy like him. When I happily told my brother about this awesome new guy who is chasing me, he freaked out. My brother knows him, they are friends and they've been hanging out from time to time. My brother spilled the beans about the past 6 years of his life in creepy detail because he was so worried. He told me that guys in his group were quite wild, smoked pot, made pranks growing up and talked nasty obscene things they would never repeat in the presence of girls. They also shared stuff when high. Stuff they would never repeat solber. So boys will be boys, so what? - I asked Wrong! My brother told me. This guy is crazy he said. All other guys agree that he will either end up a millionaire, or die in jail. He is eccentric, he was daring and wild, but also the craziest. He also use to watch kiddie p*rn . Had a cellphone full of it. My brother casually mentioned. I stopped him there and asked: He's a pedophile? "No". My brother replied. "He use to be." Eccentricity and weirdness my bro saw in him never bothered me. I'm just as eccentric and I love that. I knew that. All the stories were cool with me except that last bit. The kiddie p*rn . Girls around the age of 5. But apparently, that is not important according to my brother. "Oh it's nothing" my brother later explained. "Most guys like really young girls. You can't tell the difference past 13 anyway. Many guys in the group shared p*rn of teen girls (they were teens themselves) and many older guys also like teens, only they don't talk about it. So what is he has a weird fetish? It's just a fetish of girls 7 years younger than those I like." My questions in the update...

[kheserthorpe]

I'm not an expert on this.

I think it's pretty normal for boys who are 14-15 to actually rather see p*rn of girls their age, though it's not easily (or legally, or perhaps morally) available. And I don't think it's so odd for boys that age to find slightly younger even but still pubescent girls attractive.

Thats boys. As guys grow up, most have taste that drifts upwards, to finding girls from late teens to mid 20's the most attractive on a purely physical level. It is not unusual for men to find mid teen girls who are pretty attractive. But most ignore this and ignore those girls, since they consider it unethical. It is not normal for guys to find mid teen girls as a group MORE attractive than late teen/early 20's.

And its far less normal to find prepubescent girls desirable. That's not normal range of male sexuality. That's pedophilia.

I think I have read that most start in teens liking younger (which isn't so odd) but their preference drifts down as they get older.

[Asker]

That was a specific on point comment related to my question. Thank you very much.

[jacquesvol]

I vote for MHO

[Anonymous]

Okay, there's nothing wrong for him looking at teen girls that are around his same age (I mean, if he's 15 looking at 14-16 year olds, that's not being a pedophile. Pedophile means being an adult and wanting to sexually be with young kids in their teens and younger).

HOWEVER, that doesn't make what's clearly happened to those girls any less wrong, and if he's older, like an adult, then yes, he's a pedophile. Still kinda nasty, but it'd be different if he got his fix from hentai or something (anime p*rn), but if he's getting if at the expense of real young girls' lives/safety, then that's all sorts of messed up. I personally would never have anything to do with that type of person.

[Asker]

So if a guy was a lolicon (if I understood right those are anime pedophile fans, right?) you'd consider him ok, but if he's a not a lolicon, but likes realistic child p*rn , he's a no-no? Say you know a guy is a lolicon only, would you be his friend?

[Opinion Owner]

I'd be more open to being his fan, but I would never want to hear about his viewing habits. Fact is though, watching animation hurts absolutely no one. However, if they're looking for real, live kid p*rn , they're helping endanger/hurt young children. The existence of animated p*rn like that helps to see to it that there are less active pedophiles, and therefore actually protects living people. Yes, it's still a rather disturbing thing, but at least no one is harmed and, in fact, people are protected due to its existence.

[springocelot]

I'm no psychiatrist but...

A pedophile is someone sexually attracted to someone who has not yet reached puberty. This is considered unhealthy as pre-pubescent kids do not have the pheromones or the curves to sexually attract. A pedophile can have sexual attraction to an adult, but the fact that they are even attracted at all to pre-pubescent classifies them a pedophile.

For boys it's normal to be sexually attracted and watch p*rn of girls their own age. As they get older they will become more attracted to women in their age group. Culturally, the youngest age that's considered socially acceptable for a man to be sexually attracted to is a girl in her late teens. However, most would not act on it since it's considered unethical unless they were in her age group.

[RestlessYouth_]

The thing is, pedophilia is a mental illness, one that he can't stop, those urges don't just miraculously go away. It's almost the same as being gay or straight, except in this instance it hurts someone, an innocent child who cannot consent. It really troubles me how casually your brother speaks of this though. My my opinion, do what you please, I just couldn't bring myself to be with someone attracted to young kids.

[Asker]

Have you ever known some pedophiles? Met some? How about victims?

[RestlessYouth_]

No..

[Izzy2102]

You don't stop being a pedophile.. Either you are or you aren't. Pedophilia though refer to children before puberty. 13 doesn't exactly qualify. Which is not say it is ok for a grown men to go after 13 year olds or have p*rn of minors on their phone, but the idea is that he is attracted to womanly features, boobs, wide hips...

[Asker]

Do you have some good online sources about this stuff you told me?

[sugarvenomx]

Run as fast as you can. No need to elaborate (should be a no brainier)

[Asker]

Yeah I agree. Even if hypothetically, it was true you can drop this preference, I wouldn't be able to trust him. It would be at the back of my mind and if I became a mother of his children it would drive me insane. If I ended up marrying this guy, I would be setting myself up for a life of ruin and tension as soon as we become parents (if not before), no matter what the truth is.

[sugarvenomx]

Right. I believe pedophiles can learn to control their urges but I do NOT believe they can change them to be attracted to adults. And the fact he watches kiddy p*rn shows he's a disgusting perv. Find a real man who wants a real woman and finds your GROWN adult body sexy

[Klaatu51]

sister... if he's a pedo better avoid him :-/

[PiuBelloAmante]

Listen, if the guy stopped doing that creepy shit 6 years ago and is a changed man, give him a chance but if he exhibits any of that behavior again leave him...
if it will bother your brother if you keep seeing him, keep that in mind as well!

[Asker]

He dropped it 3 years go. He's turning 23 soon and he dropped it around his 20th B-day. My brother was there when he announced it to him and the guys.

[PiuBelloAmante]

If you think he is finished with it, and you really enjoy his company date him, dont judge him on his past especially when he was young but like i said if he ever shows signs of it, leave him good luck

[Asker]

I am so worried over this. I would be extremely scared to have children with this man no matter how much he looks "clean" and no matter for how long. Also he is perfect. I'm weird as fuck and this is the only guy I ever really matched with in my whole life. The only guy with a high enough IQ not to bore the shit out of me. If I keep dating him I'll fall in love with him in no time. And then I'll probably be unable to leave him ending up in a childless marriage, adopting teengaers over 15... I want kids and I would be too afraid to bring them into the world for a father who may find them sexually attractive. If I let this go on, I don't see how we can possibly fight and break up. I could frickin' marry this dude. That's why I must break up now. No matter how perfect we work together, in the end, I want children so bad and I will never feel they are fully safe next to a father who is a possible pedophile. It could fuck up my family so bad in the end... =/

[Asker]

If I were to end up with him, I'd have to abort every female child I conceive and bare only male children, because according to my brother, his "fetish" was exclusively little girls. And this scenario sounds so messed up I don't know where to begin wrapping my head around it.

[PiuBelloAmante]

If it worries you that much, i think you shouldn't keep seeing him in an intimate manner I can see why you are nervous about this, your feelings are completely justified, and you are right for thinking that he may not be the best person to have children with... Do what you think is best... Follow your heart, listen to your mind and trust your intuition good luck

[AlexCab]

What a great set of questions you posed. I wish I had a better answer than the average, but I don't. I believe you should ask an expert, probably a psychologist or psychiatrist.

[AdamThomas]

He's just fucked up in the head.

[MyUsernameRules]

The guy is disgusting and filthy. Normal guys aren't sexually attracted to little girls as young as 5.

[Asker]

Have you ever heard of one who is? If these guys are rare, how rare are they? I mean, I ran into one my first year of college? Can you recognise them from afar? =/

[MyUsernameRules]

I don't know. These guys seem to be very low key you know. I knew one but I don't wanna go into details publicly about him. This guy seemed very normal to everyone though.

[Anpu23]

It is not normal for a grown man to like little girls! If he has "grown out of it" we can only assume that he has shifted his acceptable age to within (at least) legal standards. Yes teenagers would be attracted to teenagers, that would be normal. (you would've thought that it was weird fro your friends to like old men when you were in high school too, right?)

But if he is over 18 and still into children then, no it is not normal. And quite frankly illegal.

[jacquesvol]

You've met a candidate for jail.
As far as I know, all psychiatrists say there's no cure for pedophiles and they don't stop before they're kept in jail. When they get out of jail, they start again.

Dump him.

[jacquesvol]

There's nothing normal for a man to want sex with an under age girl.

[Asker]

So you're saying if she's underage and you're looking at her... Nothing. But the second she turns 18... Erection. Sorry, but I find that this hardly makes sense. Especially because I can barely tell the difference between a teen and an 18 year old myself. Why would a guy be able to? =/

[jacquesvol]

That's why a guy doesn't have to look at and desire every passing female.

[Asker]

Well of course one should be careful and wary of random girls. One should learn their age before doing anything. But that doesn't mean I think it's abnormal to just find a teen attractive without doing anything. What else can I expect if said teen is sexually mature and meets all the criteria needed to arouse a grown man?

[Skadouchebag]

True pedophillia is exactly as impossible to get rid of as gayness; he was never really a pedophile to begin with. He probably had a pavlovian thing going on. He should be safe now.

[Asker]

Can you tell me what this Pavlovian thing is?

[Skadouchebag]

A pavlovian response. Google "Pavlov's dog." It's a psychology thing.

[StickStickity13]

You should actually report him to the police, your brother is a scum bag too for trying to justify this.

[Asker]

I have a feeling my brother may be hiding something of his own he finds shameful as well (that he left out), so he refrains from judgement and tries to get me to go over this like it's nothing (he did spill a secret after all, maybe this guy knows something about my brother my bro wouldn't want people to know). I love my brother and whatever this is, he fears this guy will say if I talk about what I found out, I don't want to know. I know he's protecting me here and I'll protect him too. I'll keep my mouth shut.

[StickStickity13]

Then you're allowing other children to be victims of pedophilia. I hope you can sleep at night knowing you did nothing to help little girls being abused. Do the right thing.

[Asker]

I'll urge my brother to do the right thing and get this guy to stop if he ever goes for this again, but I won't play a hero at his expense. I love my brother. If my choice makes me horrible and makes me not be able to sleep at night, then so be it.

[Anonymous]

Gross. . . just gross. . .

[Anonymous]

you see what this guys all about.. you have a choice to leave him
so ask your self is the man you want be with forever and have kids with?

[Asker]

You must not have read all my updates. There isn't enough character space in the question, that's why the updates respond to this. What is it with you tldr people? =/ You can't even spare time to read what I wrote first before making a comment?

[Anonymous]

Shiiiit. If you even have to ask if this is ok...

[Asker]

You're too dumb to be on this question. It would have been of more use if you've simply written tldr.

[Anonymous]

He can't help what kind of p*rn he likes. It is gross but maybe you should stop being so judgmental.

[Opinion Owner]

You asked the question because you want to know what "normal" is. That sounds like judgement to me. And I'll ignore your rude insult because I won't stoop to your level.

[Asker]

You're definitely an idiot. =/

[Opinion Owner]

No you did not mention that genius

[Opinion Owner]

Nice rebuttal. Hurling insults. Stay classy...

[Asker]

I did mention that in my update you sarcastic idiot. And I'm not insulting, I'm describing. You're an idiot. Only an idiot would get pissy over the word "normal" instead of opening a discussion with understanding normal refers to "socially accepted" based on the preferences of the large majority.

[Asker]

Posting edited comment because moderators here suck: I explicitly mentioned I am not being judgmental. I also never expressed judgement, I just posed a question and shared what happened. I am asking out of genuine curiosity. There is a list of questions I listed and if either one of those makes me seem "judgemental" either point it out and let me explain, or go away. What's the point of this comment right now?