Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I’m a trans woman, 23 years old and on hormone therapy. I started my transition 3 months before I turned 20. We are now almost 4 years later. I have recently started dipping my toes into the dating pool again and the water is cold, ice cold!
Straight men are either afraid of the stigma that comes with dating a woman like myself and are afraid of being labeled gay by society, or either they instantly reject me upon hearing that I’m pre-op and they tell me to come back when I’m post-op.
Sometimes I wish I were into women. That would have been easier. Women are more open minded when it comes to matters like gender identity and sexual orientation. Men have more fixed, immutable ideas about these concepts. I sometimes feel sad for only being into men.
On dating sites like OkCupid and the like I get messages from guys who see me as a curiosity. Guys who want to try out a trans woman for shit and giggles but don’t see themselves engaging in something serious with a trans woman. That stings. I’m just a dirty little secret, nothing more, to most guys.
I sometimes wonder where that one cis guy who will date a trans girl, openly without shame, is hiding?
I don’t lack any attention in day to day life. I get hit on pretty frequently, but these guys don’t know my history upon seeing me and they don’t have information about my genitalia. Usually I brush the flirting off as pretending to be not interested from my side. I prefer rejecting the guys who approach me than to come clean with them about my medical history. They are not the types who would understand anyway. Most are tough guys, not the guys who will sit behind their computers to learn more about the phenomenon.
Another problem that I face in my dating life is my surgical status. While I have been on hormones for almost 4 years already and while my hormones are all in female ranges, I still have male genitalia. I feel very uncomfortable having these male genitalia but there are a couple factors witholding me from undergoing gender reassignment surgery: the cost in the second place and the intensity and brutality of the surgery in the first place. The results are variable too, with some neovaginas looking impeccable and some looking hideous. Losing the ability to orgasm is another risk that comes with the surgery. Life long need to dilate ( insert a prosthetic penis into the newly created vagina ) is also an obstruction.
I feel the absence of a vagina as a missing element in my life. I would feel better had I been born with a vagina and had I had the ability to have heterosexual intercourse with a man as a woman. Sadly at this point I’m restricted to sexual actions other than vaginal sex. Which is a turn off for most men. Most men are not going to commit for a life long of anal sex, blowjobs and boob play. At this point I feel uncomfortable having a penis and can’t bring myself to have someone touch it. I despise what I have between my legs. I prefer sexual partners ignore it as if it weren’t there. I often wonder if my dating life would be tons easier if I had been post-operative.
Somewhere I regret that people can not recognise that someone’s gender is not purely tied to someone’s genitalia. Someone’s neurology is so much more important and determining in one’s manhood or womanhood, than what genitalia someone has. I feel like a woman before the surgery, I will feel like a woman after the surgery, if I get the surgery that is, so the surgery doesn’t really change my identity. My identity is female regardless of what surgeries I may or may not undergo.
I wish I could find a guy who understands and respects this.
Dating as a trans woman who is into men is very hard.
I sometimes wonder if there are truly guys out there who could love a woman like me and cherish me and build up a life together and start a family together ( through surrogacy ). Sometimes I start to think those guys do not exist.
I look attractive, I look like a woman, I’m educated on university level, but as soon as my past comes up I become undateable and unloveable.
Being trans is a death sentence for one’s dating life.
What Girls & Guys Said
9 28Excellent analysis, excellent discussion!
straight guys don't want to date something that has a dick
True! That’s why I will probably wait till I have had my sex reassignment surgery. After all, once someone has had the surgery, there is no reason to reject someone!
no you'll be fine ;)
Nobody wants to be with a girl that once had a dick lol fuck no there's PLENTY of normal girls out there
That's a good point
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I don't believe in trans gender. Proper therapy is the answer, not trying to change gender. That's what I would do, if I would feel like a girl. Normal men won't date you. Maybe some another lgbt person. Their bar isn't probably too high.
I would date a trans. With vagina or not.
at the end of the day you still man.
No. At the end of the day trans women are women, we are not men. Ask the medical doctors who helped us transition. Thanks.
Don't pinheads like that just piss you off?
No you're still a man. Women can't get prostate cancer xD
For 100 grand, if you told medical doctors you identified as a cockroach, they’d give you antennae.
@ralphphilip83 And, if you said, "I identify as a moron." they'd kick you out the door and tell you there was nothing more they could do to help you achieve your goal!
some guys prefer non op.
I'm straight but I'm only speaking for myself and I can honestly say that I don't want to date someone that has a dick nor would I want someone that had a dick at birth that later got cut off I'm not interested in a dude even if that dude did his best to become a chick
No one gives a fuck. You're a man pretending to be a women. Straight men are only into women, not men who like to play dress up
First and foremost, I strongly encourage you not to get the surgery, the risks are just too great.
I’m thinking about the genital reassignment surgery.
thanks 4 your openness. But please b honest: Would u date a man 40+ or reject him automaticly?
I would consider dating a 40+ year old male, Yes, if I liked him.
Oh dear... Straight men are not interested because you STILL HAVE A PENIS and probably do still look masculine, even on all the hormones. Straight men want to see a vagina, not a penis, sorry... Why don't you date a trans-man, ie a woman who became a man?
I do have a penis for now but I will soon be rid of it. So what argument would they have then once I have had bottom surgery? None. And I don’t look masculine. I pass as female.
Yes they would have an argument - you wold still have a slight masculine look, all transgenders do. Maybe in a filtered photo on a dating site it goes unnoticed, but in real life people usually can tell. There's also the fact that all of your internal organs will still be masculine, and the man will know that. It just isn't the same psychologically for a guy
I had very low testosterone all m life. I never went through male puberty. My voice remained high, I’m of short stature, I have no adam’s apple. After bottom surgery, the only difference between me and a cis woman would be the lack of ovaries and womb. That shouldn’t be a problem. We can adopt or use his sperm and seek a surrogate. What is it that you have against trans people? We are people too, you know?
Even so that doesn't make you biologically a woman. I don't have anything against trans people, I just don't understand why you claim to be the same PHYSICALLY as a real woman who was born female with female genitalia.
No its that guys don't want someone fake, unliess it is pointless sex. We want a real person who knows who they are. Not someone who looks for greener grass and who can't be who they were born to be.
No its not... its hot