Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
I had a horrible sex life until I met Donald.
Prior to him, I lost my virginity at 18, which wasn't only painful but the act itself didn't last more than thirty seconds. I broke up with my then boyfriend mere days later and I kicked myself for sleeping with him.
It was eight months later before I dated again, and I was nineteen before I had sex once more. As before, it hurt, and it didn't last long. This boyfriend stuck around a little longer though, and we had sex a grand total of four more times in five weeks before he went away to college. The fact we didn't have it more made me seriously question my ability to turn him on and wether or not I was sexy.
I never once achieved orgasm, it hurt each time, and I honestly began to believe that I was one of those women who just didn't like sex. I didn't feel like I was a sensual woman because the men in my life never treated me as such. I wasn't in a good place.
Then I met Donald. He was experienced, he was hot, he cherished me, he was hot, he loved sex, he was hot, he helped me to love sex, he was hot, he helped me to feel sexy about myself, and did I mention that he was so damn hot???
We dated for eight months before he asked me to move in with him. After dropping a bombshell on my mother that I wasn't a virgin (I mean seriously how clueless can you be), Donald and I moved in together and stayed that way for three years before tying the knot and getting married at twenty four.
Now, I've recently celebrated my four year anniversary. That got me thinking; which sex life for a couple is better - committed relationship or married? Since my sample size of relationship versus married is roughly the same - four years - I thought I'd look back and compare to see which one is superior.
There will be four categories . Scoring will be 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest, so the final score will be closest to twenty.
SEXUAL QUALITY
Relationship - As mentioned previously I was a total newbie to sex. Five times - all missionary - none lasting more than three minutes. I had a LOT to learn but I had an amazing teacher in Donald. The sex really improved over time but we had a rocky start. I knew basic stuff - missionary, cowgirl, that sort of thing. Clueless about the rest. Honestly thought doggie style was an anal position. I wasn't just overwhelmed when he showed me a sex position book I was scared lol.Thankfully Donald loved ME and not just my body to stick around while I learned how to please both of us with it.
SCORE - 3
Married - I wish I could score this over a 5 because the quality of our sex is outstanding. The sex in our relationship phase was a feeling out process - what works, what doesn't work. With marriage we know each other, we know our bodies, and we know how to have mind blowing sex that causes us to look on each other in awe. Many say that familiarity is a downside to the bedroom but that's not true in my opinion. Being familiar with each other is a definite plus. Many times during lovemaking I don't even have to talk (although I do a lot, I'm quite verbal in bed); my moans, my squeals, my breathing, the way my body shifts at certain times, all tell him what he's doing right or wrong, and along with his own body language that I've grown accustomed to, work towards us achieving orgasms for both of us that rewrite the record books.
SCORE - 5
SEXUAL QUANTITY
Relationship - this is going to be tough to beat. During our relationship, to quote Donald, we "fucked each other's brains out". I'm not going to mislead you and say something unrealistic like we had sex everyday, but to say it was five days a week , multiple times a day, is a very fair statement. Especially after we moved in together, we really hit a stride of sex a lot. We didn't own a television so our only entertainment was each other. Typical days were wake up, sex, gym, school, come home, lunch and/or sex, work, dinner and/or sex, and finally sex then sleep. There were days, many days in fact, where we only got out of bed to fix a bite or use the bathroom. We've yet to do that married sad to say.
SCORE - 5
Married - I don't want to be the cliche wife who puts out during the dating period only to shut her legs once she gets the ring, but honestly the sex has decreased since marriage. That five days a week average? More like one or two days a week now. Both of us were in school during the relationship but found careers during marriage, which the intrusion on our free time along with added stress didn't help matters. When we do have sex it's out of this world, but we don't have it anywhere near as much as we want. We both openly talk about wanting it more but are at a loss about what to do about it. There's nothing more frustrating than sleeping in the same bed with the person you desire most yet aren't able to have them as much as you want.
SCORE - 2
SEXUAL ATTRACTION/APPEARANCE
Relationship - I'm scoring this a 4 and I'll tell you why. I know Donald was crazy attracted to me, but the constant having to slow down and explain how and what and where during sex just had to drain on him even a little. Not once did he mention it but I have to think somewhere inside him Donald had to question if this girl was worth it. This could be my own insecurities of the past but it's how I see it.
As for appearance I was college student and waitress, so I routinely wore jeans and shorts. Donald is a leg man so he enjoyed how the jeans hugged me and how shorts showed off my stems. That kept him riled up a lot!
SCORE - 4
Married - This is difficult to score. I think my husband is MORE sexually attracted to me now than ever before but as I mentioned we are ships passing in the night.
Appearance wise he's absolutely in love with! I work in an office now so I'm all heels, skirts, dresses, etc. The whole business woman thing. I had no idea he fancied that look but ever since I started dressing that way - when we do have sex - it's generally semi naked to begin with, or with some article of my work attire on (usually the heels; he is sooooo into the heels. Seriously I think I could wear heels and a trash bag and he'd be turned on). I'm convinced if I had dressed this way during our relationship phase I never would have left our apartment, because he would never stop fucking me. This boy has a serious secretary fetish! Not that I'm complaining mind you; I haven't told him but I find it sorta sexy myself lol.
SCORE - 5
SEXUAL CREATIVITY
Relationship - everything was new to me during this time frame, but was old hat to him. His focus was really getting me comfortable with ME, then expanding to new positions. Donald did do a fish bowl with sexual positions in it, and we would just pull one out by random chance. I remember how nervous I was when wheelbarrow was chosen. But I ended up with such a satisfying orgasm that we go back to that position still to this day.
But beyond trying new positions , we weren't creative, we just went at it like animals in heat!
SCORE - 3
Married - since we've been married the creative juices have flowed. I've introduced role play into our relationship, which we do about once a month or every other month. It's a take off of Donald's fish bowl idea, with a list of role plays in a bowl and we choose at random. I LOVE role play and Donald is starting to really get into it as well (after our last two - the inappropriate school teacher and trip to the sexy doctor - based on his reaction I'd say he likes it VERY much).
I've also noticed how much he like my new dressing habits so I send him many risqué pics of me from work. Crossing my legs with my skirt a little too open, or a look down my neckline, even sometimes lifting my blouse completely and showing the girls. When I do this he attacks me as soon as he gets home. (I know what you are thinking I should do it everyday and we would have sex more , but for starters I'm too busy to take pics of myself too often at work , and for another he is in meetings a lot and I don't want to send when he is in company with a room full of strangers).
SCORE - 4
FINAL TALLY
Relationship = 15
Married = 16
Married life isn't easy, and as I mentioned has its flaws, but it is superior to relationship sex in this person's life. Thanks for reading!
What Girls & Guys Said
15 33There is sex in married couples?
HAH!
But seriously, a great bunch of people end up in sexless marriages.
I'd go with the marriage! If you want sex, you can get it and don't have to look for it. If you are married and your partner comes down with a disease, somebody has been cheating!
My ex just became a total slob , so I did not want sex anymore , so no points from married in my case
Are you the videogames expert?
Married. I beleive there are studies that show that as well.
Cool article.
Sex quality over quantity, right? But forreal, I need a 3x/day quote fulfilled 3x a week.
Quota*
So do I! Unfortunately his job and mine don't leave us that opportunity really. The weekend is prime "catch up" time but he's in a band and I perform too. Leaves us wanting unfortunately
I knew you were kewl
I've never been married and I probably never will be. So I'll never have the frame of reference necessary to answer this question. But that's okay, because dating sex works just fine for me.
Married- for the intensity of love makes it have such a feeling of oneness. Not just in body but also mind, heart and soul.
it is so breathtakingly memorable
Are you in an open marriage?
@Lgesj I was, but no longer married. With it ending after 22 years
I meant was it an open relationship?
@Lgesj yes, it was
Great Take 😊 happy to see someone finally sharing their personal experiences in favour of married sex! Usually you get the notion that sex becomes a chore after marriage 😕
Thanks! I appreciate your feedback!!
And love your name by the way lol
Thanks 😊. I wish you have a happy fulfilling marriage !
Married should be the only one to ever take place.
Great post, you deserve kudos and "Xper" points for putting together such a long and detailed question. You really communicated in a clear way that is easy to follow and understand, well done!
I'll be much briefer: My comparisons are very similar to yours, only I did have a serious hangup. My wife always dated black guys, and told me her long time HS boyfriend was "huge".. a lot bigger than me.. so I still can't get that out of my head (no pun intended).. so I've always had this little (again, no pun intended lol) hangup in the back of my mind (should i?). Beyond that, very much the same for me, tons of sex before we got married, a lot less after. But there is really no substitute for having the partner of your dreams (I would hope if you're married.. lol) there for you when you want/need them. No dating drama, don't have to worry about when you will get laid again. :)
Great job on the post, keep em' coming!
P. S. Another good question would be: do you masturbate more or less after marriage?
Married, since that's beyond my reach.
Married, without a second doubt. She will be mine, I will be hers all the time, any time :)
Studies show the amount of married women cheating on their husband has increased a lot on tinder.
@BubbleBoy69 Yeah internet had a huge impact but, you don't cheat unless you want to. Then if you want to cheat there are million ways to do so. Internet has just made it easier.
I enjoyed both. I'll vote for married.
Voted!!
It's one of the best article :)
Wow! Thanks! That's high praise indeed! I'm flattered!!!
I think you should start blogging :)
Blogging about my sex life? LOL My hubby would get a kick out of that !
:O That's bad!! This is amazing article.
😊 😀
Of course married
I can wake up at 3am, make love without even open my eyes and get back to sleep again
It's not the status of your relationship; it's the person.
the thrill of dating sex is a con, what happens when you no longer get that thrill?
Single
Thanks for reading! So far in the early stages everyone is against marriage...
I've been with my hubby 13 years. Before we had our daughter we were having mind blowing sex at the very least 3x a day. Even in the hospital after a C-section I remember sucking his dick right in the hospital room. We've always been madly in love & fully trust each other. After having our daughter it slowed to a few times a week. When it got to where it didn't feel good to be touched at all, I had my hormones checked. I knew it wasn't because of him. I started getting natural hormone replacement and we're back to 3x a day. First thing waking up, once, sometimes twice in the middle of the night and right at bedtime. Now, before anyone freaks out about what I'm going to say, let me say my husband treats me like a QUEEN. I want him to feel confident & in charge. I made the decision to tell him that he's the man and as his wife it's my duty to keep him satisfied. I told him that I'm his and that includes my entire body. I told him he shouldn't ever have to wonder if he's "getting some tonight", he has my consent to take me whenever he wants, however he wants. I told him I'll never say no. So far, we've been closer than ever and I'm able to fulfill all his desires & urges. My advice to happily married women is to be fully submissive to your husband. Trust is everything.
"My advice to happily married women is to be fully submissive to your husband." Yep, that's what I do as well :)
Depends on the partner. Marriage doesn't make someone automatically good in bed.