Decorated a sexy room, partner not interested?

[Anonymous]

I'm (female) quite sexual and like to try new things. We have three extra rooms in our house and I figured why not make one of them a room for some sexy time. There was already a mattress so I just put some nice sheets on it, candles, massaging oil - pretty much just a space for relaxing, massages and yes, sex. My (male) partner came home, saw it and I introduced it jokingly as a "sex boudoir". Immediately my partner said "NO" and rolled his eyes. I was stunned. And hurt too because the area (sex and preferences) is quite personal. Like what? He isn't very adventurous when it comes to sex but I thought this was pretty mild and that he'd like the idea. What on earth can go through a man's head when that is his reaction? And yes, I know not all men are focused on sex all the time but he's still pretty average on the scale of "how often" etc. Any thoughts? And yes, I tried to talk to him about it, he just says "it's uneccessary" or something in these lines. Usually the location for sex is the bedroom, I just thought we could get a bit kinkier and messier this way.

[HugoThe2nd]

I'd have the same reaction, it's unnecessary and tacky and it frankly makes you look obsessed.
It's not what sex should be about.

Also, don't ever, ever surprise people sexually, communicate first.
Lots of things could make people uncomfortable and violate their boundaries, so don't be surprised when they act accordingly by being insensitive when they reject something they don't feel right about at all.

[Asker]

I don't agree. With your logic a woman couldn't surprise her man even with sexy lingerie. Also I have surprised him before and he has enjoyed being surprised. I don't think it's tacky. And secondly, what sex is and means to you is probably quite a different thing than what sex is and means to me.

[HugoThe2nd]

"With your logic a woman couldn't surprise her man even with sexy lingerie." Yeah, and? I personally don't like being surprised with lingerie, so I would find it even more tacky and off-putting than your room idea. "Also I have surprised him before and he has enjoyed being surprised." Yeah, and you have surprised him now and he didn't enjoy it this time did he? "And secondly, what sex is and means to you is probably quite a different thing than what sex is and means to me. " Or what it means to your partner, clearly. The problem here is your partner doesn't agree with you either, and I'm providing you with angles why that may be, because I'd react much the same way. Keep making uninformed assumptions without conversations first and you will keep getting disappointed. If your partner has irregular boundaries, you have to acknowledge that and communicate.

[Anonymous]

You are doing pretty right thing as every couple has to mix the stuff for enjoyment. You can't be orthodox all the time, it will spoil your mood. Try to convince him for some kinkier stuff. And try to give him sudden surprises like don't allow him to speak and start doing what you want to do.

If he still resist, this is not the nature of guys. May be he could freaking some outside.

[ushagomez]

Poor guy. He must have come from a very sexually repressed background. Maybe slowly over time you can gentle guide him to become more confident and adventurous.

[Bee-Hatch]

Well you fucked up his secret plans for a man cave / play room.

[Asker]

I said in my OP we have three extra rooms that are empty. I used one of them.

[andreasderjuengere]

He could at least have smiled about your 'plan'.

[CubaPirate]

WTF is wrong with him

[Seppel]

The only thought I have when I read this is that he don't want to get more kinky. He is not focussed in Sex and don't Cares much about it.
Seems like he is a lot annoyed on that theme already like me when my girlfriend asks for sex