Did my boyfriend rape me?

It was my boyfriends birthday ( 20 ) and we’d been drinking all night, we’d already had sex twice in that evening. By the time it was 12am I was exhausted, sobering up and just wanted to sleep. He begged we have sex once more but I politely declined and turned over after telling him I loved him. He then proceeded to remove my underwear and beg me to just let him because it’s his birthday. He tried but soon realised it would be difficult in that position so he put me on my back. I continued to say no, explaining why. He persisted and eventually I gave in. He could see the pain I was in but told me he was kinda into the fact I didn’t want it. When we’d finished he felt guilty and apologised. Is it rape?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This is the key part. "I gave in". What does that mean? Does that mean "I allowed him to have sex with me, even though I wasn't really in the mood."?

    Or does it mean "I ceased physical resistance, because he was so strong/I was scared"?

    To me, it sounds like that was your decision. "My friend wanted me to go to the gym with her, but I didn't really feel like it. But she kept asking me, and I gave in." Does that mean you were forced against your will to go to the gym? Or does it mean that you--in your free will, decided that you were going to do something you didn't really want to do?

    To me it sounds like, no, it's not rape. You're the one who would know, not me. But based on how you describe it, the "I gave in" part makes all the difference in the world.

    • I didn’t want to disappoint him on his birthday. So I stopped fighting back, let him hold my wrists down and get it over with.

  • OK, so tell me this. When she's been drinking a woman is not legally responsible for her choices and actions regarding sex. Why is a man responsible for his?

    Ladies, you can't have it both ways.

    • You can’t be THAT drunk to be able to hold someone down while having intercourse with them. He was still aware of his actions which is why he felt guilty afterwards. I’m sure if a woman held a man down as he begged her not to and she shoved something up his arse while intoxicated she would get charged for rape...

    • Your an idiot. Since you reference “actions” Look up the words passive and assertive or better yet, look up synonyms of those words like non-resistant and assaultive.

    • @SarahsSummer All of that is irrelevant in the context of a woman who has drunk sex with a drunk man. If a man and a woman are equally drunk and he has sex with her, that is legally considered as him raping her because she is legally incapable of consenting. His "actions" are having sex with her and her "actions" are saying yes, but legally he is accountable for his actions and she is not accountable for hers. Explain that to me, genius.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • You said I gave in... so no it's not rape... just cause you didn't wanna do it... do not see that as rape and ruin the guys life... it was not rape... by your own words... you gave in... you chose to do it... its just you didn't feel like it... is not rape

  • You did not consent and he did t anyway.

    That’s the definition of rape.

    Less horrible than if a stranger did it, but barely.

    • I don't think it is less horrible. Rape of any kind by any person is horrible all the same.

    • Being raped by a stranger is slightly more horrible only because you have no idea what they’ll do. I was raped when I was 16 and it turned out he had just gotten out of jail for murder.

    • @TacocaT6969 The majority of sexual abuse, including rape, is done by intimates. It can actually be worse because the under reporting of these rapes are LOWER than if it were a stranger, believe it or not. Also, the fact that someone you love and care about is abusing you this way, can be more traumatizing for some.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 20
  • You said no, therefore it's rape. It dosent matter if he's your boyfriend or not. You still said no.

  • It's rape. You should break up with him.

  • Whether or not you and your partner is the middle of having sex, any UNWANTED sex is rape.

    In your case, you said no the first time that should've been a done deal and he should respect that. He then COERCED/PRESSURED you into it (gave in). This is considered non-consensual sex.

    Many partners think "beggging until their partner "cave/give in" means "yes". That's a misconception and ignorant to the scopes of what are considered as a sexual assualt.

    You need to remember consensual is when BOTH parties is CLEAR, UNAMBIGOUS, and VOLUNTARILY given.

    • unambiguous* You neither have shown any signs you consented and if you wish to further this issue, call your local victim advocate for additional guidance. Your situation is clearly been bothering you and he isn't doing anything to recognize what he did to you was very wrong.

  • Well how do you feel about what happened? This needs to be talked about between you two and if he refuses then I think there is a problem. I would personally not try to bring this to court but I would ask myself if he is the one who I want to be with further not only because of what happened but also because he refuses to deal with something that is concerns both of you.

  • From that, yes.

  • Yes, he raped you.

  • "He persisted and eventually I gave in." That sounds like you consented.

    • Try saying that in a courtroom.

    • @HereIbe It is exactly what would be said in a courtroom, except that no prosecutor would take this case to trial as soon as they heard that the victim made that statement.

  • I would say he’s guilty of being disrespectful but you did give in so “rape” would be a tough conviction. If you are asking this question of a guy you love, you may need to reconsider your love and the relationship as a whole.

  • Yes. Obviously.

  • Yes, it is rape based on what you’ve said. You verbally non-consented “politely declining” him and “continued to say no.” The research on sexual abuse of all sorts generally concludes that this crime is committed between couples, specifically a man against a woman. Now, for what you should do, that’s up for you to decide.

  • Sure sounds like it

  • "He persisted and eventually I gave in"

    So he just kept asking? That's not rape, that is persistence.

    You gave in? You said yes and agreed to it?

    If that is how it went down than no it isn't rape.
    If at any point he just grabbed you and started having sex with you while you are saying no and trying to push him off than that is rape.

    Him begging a lot and you giving in is not rape.

  • By definition of the law that is technically rape, alcohol was involved and he used that to get what he wanted because you weren’t fully coherent and sober. He asked and you said no. Asking even once your answer was no, he was drunk too, but that doesn’t matter. Unless you both we’re willingly drinking, as in he didn’t force you into it, that legally constitutes rape. This is a lot of information to sort out.

  • Do you feel raped?

  • Bigger question. If you feel violated by what did, why are you still with him? Was it rape? seems to point that way, though some will argue you did consent (after being badgered). Regardless, it made you uncomfortable, which he was aware of before, during and after. Leave him

  • Leave him. That could be classified as rape. The fact that he is turned on that you were pain is scary

  • Nope it's not, happy birthday to him...

  • Yes, of course it's rape...

    Fucking disgusting

  • 100% yes

  • well yes he did pls report him to authorities

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