Did this guy take advantage of me?

Ok so last year I was dancing with a guy (pub manager) and got very drunk. We got cosy and started kissing. Eventually he lead me to the upper rooms and took me from behind. I was pretty drunk and wasn’t sure if I wanted it or not but didn’t want to upset him so just let him go. He didn’t have a condom I found out since he bent me over the sink and took me from behind.

He left and I left and passed out at home. Woke up and didn’t know what to feel about it honestly. I didn’t say no but I didn’t really want want it and because I was drunk I feel he took advantage of me especially since he didn’t even use a condom and came inside me (Fortunately I was on the pill)

Was I taken advantage of or am I just overthinking it and getting worked up over nothing?

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  • Going forward do not get so drunk and while you are at it show some common sense too.

  • Next time, don’t get cozy with a guy while drunk. You have to be careful. 9/10, an interaction like this will lead to sex.

  • You could have said no and left you had the capability but you didn't and even intoxicated that's still on you for not making your will known. Simply because you didn't want to upset him.

    If he did take advantage of you it's only because you let him.

  • Come on honey... he didn't
    Lately coz of so many of us thinking n acting this way has caused men to stay at distance tbh

  • Yo look, you're not a child.

    Vibe was off it wouldn't have happened. Let's be real.

  • To help me better understand whether you enjoyed it, did you have an orgasm?

  • Yes, he targeted you because you were drunk. And then took advantage of the situation.

  • Yes, that's called rape what you described.

  • Yes he took advantage of you.

  • Do you talk to him now?

  • I don't know... sometimes females feel very strongly about things men don't even consider to just be wrong cause if both of y'all were kissing and dancing. The guy was probably like she wants sex. And you walked all the way to the upper rooms. You can say that you didn't really want to. I am pretty sure that happens a lot. But far as to say if he took advantage of you minus the possibility of how you were flirting. The only way it would be taken advantage is if he did it on purpose and knew you didn't want it. But if you two are still cool and you kind of wonder. I guess it's more of a misunderstanding...(Sorry for your feelings)...

  • Was he drunk also? If you were both drunk, then it was just two drunks having drunk sex.

  • I'm very concerned as to way a 31 year old woman isn't sure that if she doesn't want sex she needs to speak up and say no. Also, this whole situation isn't right. Why are you concerned about upsetting him? Listen as a man if I'm getting intimate with a woman and she doesn't want to have sex I want her to say that. A good person would be upset to find out that she didn't really want to hurt your feelings and just let you. That's ridiculous. I'm so sorry you're confused over this. I highly suggest speaking to a therapist over the situation and have them help you figure this out and how to to help you not find yourself in a similar situation again.

    • Because I don’t like making people upset. It’s a big character flaw of mine honestly and I almost never say no because I don’t want to make them feel bad.

    • How is that working for you? Seriously... Think about this. If you had or have a daughter what would say to her to do if she was in this exact situation? I suggest you speak to a professional. You could possibly use some help with this.

  • To answer your question yes you was taken advantage of. I don't know where your from and how your rape laws work. But here in America we have laws that say if anyone is under the influence of drugs and/or alchohol that person or persons are no longer able to consent to sexual activity. Even if you said yes since you was drunk its still considered rape. If both parties are intoxicated and agree to have sex its still considered rape. Anyone that is under the influence of drugs and/or alchohol cannot consent to sexual activity.

  • I think he didn't take advantage and you should learn to respect yourself

  • Yes he took advantage of your drunken state. If you told him no then it would have been rape.

  • Yes; he did.

  • If he was stone cold sober, then yeah and he is a scumbag. If he had been drinking he is in the same boat as you.

  • In my opinion sadly he probably did take advantage of you. You were drunk and vulnerable and even though you didn't say no and didn't really want it didn't matter to him. Also he didn't wear a cond is another advantage he took. Honestly he just took you as a girl just to have sex with kinda like a one night stand thing. Don't feel too bad or be all worked up about it though sometimes it happens that way. Maybe if you think your gonna drink too much have one of your girlfriend's there to be with to make sure you don't get taken advantage again.

  • Was he drinking too? Maybe you took advantage of him. Unless you are passed out or barely conscious hooking up while drunk is your responsibility. If instead of having sex you got in your car and killed a family of 4 that would also be something you would be responsible for.

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