Do I need to tell my boyfriend about past sexual assault before we have sex?

[Anonymous]

Never had sex before or after that so I'm nervous. I wouldn't want to talk to him about it but do I kinda have to?

[kaylaS91]

I think it would certainly be a good idea to let him know, just so he can sort of better understand why you may be more nervous than usual about your first time. Once he knows the reason behind that, he'll likely be much more accommodating towards you. It'll feel great for you that he knows and understands something that happened to you in the past as well.

I told my guys about the few times in the past I had similar experiences as yourself. I did that mostly to let him know that any times I may seem hesitant or a bit distant, it's not towards him. It's just as a result of those few not so enjoyable things that happened in the past. It wasn't fun for me to of course bring it up again, but once you're done it feels like a huge relief to have it out in the open. :)

[bellatrixbella]

It also depends on how long you guys have been together, sexual assault is very damaging and can affect a person for an entire lifetime, because you haven't had sex since the assault it might be better if you confide in your partner. Being intimate with someone after a traumatic experience can cause flash backs and disturbing memories. If you haven't already I would seek counselling to help you deal with your experience and if you feel you haven't been with your partner long enough to confide in him then wait until you are ready.

[Alej27]

It's kind of big! If you feel like you wouldn't be comfortable explain it in due time.

[AustinMan]

It depends on where you are in recovering from the assault. Have you gotten some counseling from a therapist with experience working with victims of sexual abuse and worked through what happened and how to deal with it in the dating scene? If not, I think I'd just tell him sex is off the table until you do that. Tell him you were sexually assaulted and have some work of your own to do before you feel secure having sex with anyone, that you'll do it without delay and as soon as you feel like you can have sex with him, he'll be the first to know. Ask for his patience and support.

[madhatters4]

do you need to tell? no, but I think you should at some point. particularly if you are really into this guy and see a long term future with him it would be good for him to know as much as he can about you. it helps him to better understand you, it helps him to feel closer to you. it does create an extra level of intimacy

[dakraziest]

u dont have to but its better that you do
intimacy is better when you are psychologically on the same level

[TheWiseOwl]

Yes I think you should, it's important to disclose that information so he understands what has happened to you and you can both build a closer bond and cater to your feelings as it must have been a traumatic experience for you. If I was with a girl and she was the victim of sexual assault I'd want her to tell me as it's an important event in your life and we could work through things together as that's what being a couple is all about.

[TheWiseOwl]

I've fucking done it again, bastard, shitting bastard. :@ I didn't mean you as in you, but you get the general point.

[BertMacklinFBI]

I dont think you absolutely have too before sex but if its something you feel inclined to share before any sexual activity then there's no problem.

[Error_204]

I recommend keeping it to yourself.

[Anonymous]

You probably don't have to if you don't want to, but if it appears he might be rough it could bring back a flashback to it so telling him might sort of help him to be more sensitive to you during sex.