Do straight men fantasize about sex with gay men?

Question

I would think even though the men may not admit it that all men actually think about gay sex but won't admit it.

BobbieBoy666 · Accepted Answer

I’m a straight Man Who Fantasizes About Other Men:
A reader submitted the following question:

“I am a straight and happily married man, but lately I have had fantasies about other men. Some of them are just about me and another man, while others involve my wife and I am with a gay or bi man. The question I have has several parts to it. First, is this normal? Second, I have told my wife about these fantasies, and she seemed interested at first, but now is stand-offish about it, how do I help her open up to it?”

Thank you for asking this question. Let me start by saying that it’s not uncommon for people who identify as straight or heterosexual to have same-sex fantasies.

As part of the survey of 4,175 Americans I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I asked participants about who appears in their sexual fantasies. When I looked only at people who identified as exclusively heterosexual, one of the things I found was that 59% of women and 26% of men reported having had a same-sex fantasy before.

This isn’t to say that it was necessarily their favorite fantasy or one that they have frequently—just that they’ve found the idea of being with a partner of the same sex to be arousing at least once before.

So, yes, it is “normal” (by which I mean it is relatively common) for someone to have fantasies like this. I should also mention that my work is just one of many studies supporting this idea. There’s a growing body of research showing that sexual fluidity is actually pretty common across genders and sexual orientations.

As for the second part of your question, that’s a little more complicated. As a sex educator, I’ve received numerous questions from women who have discovered that their husbands or boyfriends have some degree of same-sex attraction and are worried that it means their partner is actually gay and/or is not attracted to them. Some also feel betrayed or offended because they feel like their partner has hidden an important aspect of their sexuality. Further, many of them feel isolated because they don’t necessarily feel comfortable talking about this within their social support network.

Of course, I don’t know what your partner is feeling, but it’s possible that she might share one or more of these concerns. As a result, it’s probably a good idea to find out what she’s thinking and feeling so that you can productively work past any potential concerns she might have.

Couple’s counseling is something you might consider in order to assist this process, especially if she seems to be having trouble understanding your attractions or feels a loss of trust.

So the first step is really working to help your partner come to terms with this. Potentially integrating your fantasies into your sex life is something that would only come after that—and it would really depend on what you’re both comfortable with.

When it comes to acting on sexual fantasies, it’s generally a good idea to start low and go slow. So instead of jumping right into a threesome or opening your relationship, you might start by using your fantasies as a form of “dirty talk.” Then you might proceed to watching pornography together that depicts your fantasies and/or getting some sex toys you can use to simulate a fantasy experience.

The goal is really to take some time to build up trust, communication, and intimacy because all of these components are essential for successfully turning fantasy into reality.

And if you’re thinking you might eventually like to bring other people into the bedroom, you’re going to need really good communication skills so that you can get on the same page about rules, boundaries, and expectations. You will also need to have conversations about how to manage STI risks, as well as potential risks to the relationship that might emerge (e. g., feelings of jealousy are not uncommon in multi-partner encounters).

You and your partner may also find the following background reading to be helpful:

· My book, Tell Me What You Want, offers tips and suggestions for successfully turning fantasy into reality. It also offers insight into the most common types of sexual fantasies and what they really mean.

· Mostly Straight: Sexual Fluidity Among Men is a worthwhile book for understanding the science and research behind male sexual fluidity.

· The Ethical Slut is a great resource for those who are interested in exploring sexually open relationships and multi-partner sex.

Invader91 · Accepted Answer

I'll come clean. Yes I've had erotic fantasies about men involving gay sex and other things.

AsaKyo · Accepted Answer

I bet they do

MrOracle · Answer

No. In fact, NOT having such fantasies about men (only about women) is pretty much the definition of being a straight male.

Males who fantasize about sex with gay men are gay (or at least, bisexual) men. They certainly are not straight, by definition.

I'm a straight man, and I can recognize if a man is handsome or fit, but men don't even register at all on my "sexual attraction" meter. In fact, if such a meter was the only way to detect people, men wouldn't exist at all to me.

Make no mistake: there's nothing wrong with a man who is gay or bisexual. I have no problem with consenting adults doing what they wish with other consenting adults. But the word "straight" has a meaning, and for a man, it means "a man who is exclusively sexually attracted to women." There's not a lot of wiggle room in that definition.

God_of_Thunder · Answer

No... because straight guys don't do that. Because they're straight.

Lliam · Answer

I never have. The thought kinda grosses me out. I have always adored women. I don't have any sexual attraction to men at all.

RobT312 · Answer

Yeah i can admit to that. I was with a guy in a threesome and it was super erotic and i fantasize about being 1 on 1 with him

Berethor · Answer

You are the one who has lesbian porn as your favorite porn category, men are different.

abc3643 · Answer

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO That's GAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

SnowedIn · Answer

I've wanted to experience sex with a man but not a relationship and not a multiple time thing.

Guffrus · Answer

No, this is not possible.

By definition, straight means only interested in the opposite sex so if are interested in the opposite sex then you are not straight.

Words have meanings, i suggest you try learning them.

slatyb · Answer

I don't.

Bricealan · Answer

I don't know why that would be true. Only way would be if the man was bisexual.

Aelleden · Answer

Uh no, never happened to me at least

Agagagagaga · Answer

No not at all. In fact I think the entire LGBT movement is an abomination and I’m disgusted when I see them in public.

Googlemyahoo · Answer

That would be a gay man fantasy not straight

JPresidente · Answer

No way no how. 🤮🤮🤮🤮

Khelel · Answer

I would imagine if they are gay they would. I can't think of a time where something like that has crossed my mind. That being said I can recognize if someone looks good but I am not attracted to men in that way

Khaled27 · Answer

Straight men will only fantasize about women and will never fantasize about men because otherwise they are not straight.  That is the true definition , you can't adjust it as you like.

PantyBuyer4Life · Answer

It's more like I fantasize about taking a dick, but the moment I imagine it's connected to an actual dude it is no longer a turn on. When I have taken it from actual dudes it's not a turn on for me unless a woman is involved somehow.

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

They're straight for a reason. If anyone do that, I have news for them.

OnTheLevel · Answer

Um... no.

nudeNhorny · Answer

everybody fantasize about same-sex experience at least once in their lifetime

Do straight men fantasize about sex with gay men?

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