Do swingers fall in love with the other people they have sex with?

Question

I'm in a newish relationship with a swinger, who I love and I have no doubt loves me. I am okay with him sleeping with other people, and I have the freedom to as well if I want to. My biggest fear is him developing feelings for someone else. While I know he loves me, I can't help but think he might find someone better than me... Am I being irrational? What is the likelihood of a swinger falling in love with someone else they play with?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

There's always a risk in any relationship that one person could fall in love with another.
But I'd say it's fairly unlikely unless he's spending time with these women with their clothes on.
The way you've stated this question leads me to believe he was a swinger in past relationships or at least has experience in this lifestyle. I think that works for you here. If that is actually the case it seems, to me, he's able to keep sex and love separate, which seems to be somewhat common for men. At least more common for men vs women.
Swingers aren't looking for emotional attachments to the people they play with, that's what you're for (the gf). They're looking for sex. Of course, it's possible feelings could develop, as I said though, I think it's unlikely if it's only sex.
In these types of relationships (open relationships, swinging relationships... so on) you cannot hide feelings/concerns. Seriously! You have to talk! I cannot stress that enough. What you're feeling right now, he needs to know. Since you're in a relationship with him he needs to help you with this type of thing, it's basically his job to do so.
You can't hide this or things are going to get harder as they go on and there's going to be other issues that will end the relationship, not him falling for someone else.
I'm not sure why you're not telling him. If it's that you're afraid to come off jealous or crazy or whatever I really don't think you should worry about it. If he loves you and you sit down and talk to him calmly and openly, I'm fairly certain he will appreciate it and not be irritated by it. It really is all in tone and body language.
And it just starts off with "I'm new to this lifestyle and I understand you enjoy it and that's great I just have concerns that I'd like to talk about. I'm not trying to change things I just want to understand..." and tell him how you feel. Ask questions. Have an open mind, don't shut down and don't get angry.
These relationships don't work with lies and secrets.
I don't think you're irrational to have these concerns, I think it's natural to worry about this. But I think there's a certain level that's acceptable. If you can't function when he's doing his thing then that's a bigger issue, this lifestyle may not be for you.
Also, I'm to trying to be mean but you sound insecure, I'm not sure if it's you or the relationship though. Either way, he needs to know so he can better help you with whichever it is.
It can be fun just be open 😉
Good luck!

Babsie1984 · Accepted Answer

I think it's always possible to develop feelings for someone else. Are there no rules about how many times he can be with the same person? Usually there would be ground rules in place to help prevent feelings developing.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel?

Paige90 · Accepted Answer

It happens but it can happen in any environment... even at church! If the couple has a very secure relationships and discuss all the rules before trying it then it can enhance a relationship. It isn't for everyone but it doesn't mean there will be emotional attachments.

AlphaMale1 · Accepted Answer

The key to preventing this from happening is to only have sex with that person one time. Having repeated neighborhood fuck fests is not a good idea. It will probably end your relationship.

I dated a Canadian woman for a little over a year. Her visa to the US was expired and she had to return. Canadians, she told me, are much more open about different sex partners than US people. She said in the eastern part of Canada, where it is more of a French speaking society, sex clubs are very easy to find. She actually found one in the nearby small town we lived in at that time and wanted to know if I wanted to attend. She asked as if she wanted to know if I was interested in going out for dinner. I said, 'No thanks'. It wasn't long after that she went back north to her home country.

ZjJaja · Accepted Answer

infatuation. he will become infatuated by everyone more than you and you should do the same within that kind of context. he will also get bored of them and you never know which avenue either of you will choose because you have confirmed you are not "intimate" you are not a private couple. you are holding onto insecurity and doubt and all these negative emotions... either you will accept yourself as a sexually open individual who just plays the game or you will escape because the truth has already been revealed. you aren't satisfied with one another but are willing to hold on and use one another for security and comfort and sex!
nothing should really last in this kind of relationship is best to learn the lesson or you will become the teacher to others of this way of life.

AthleticMom · Answer

Eventually they do with ONE along the way, otherwise my reports indicate it's mostly lust afoot

julesrod98 · Answer

Swinging and alt lifestyles like it will always increase these risks substantially. So if you fear it, why consider the risk? My husband and I are in the lifestyle and I have fallen in love with other men, and specifically remain in an intense LTR with another man. It would be very hard to give him up. However, my marriage is more than "feelings" or "love." It is a partnership, it is a commitment, with kids it is a family, it is a bond of trust. Those commitments do not allow me to leave my marriage, despite the intense feelings i have for this other man. Don't know if that helps, but wanted to share

Losalt · Answer

If he *does* fall in love with someone else, why would that be a problem for you?
Parents with more then one child don't love either of them less just because they have another child.
Love between adults is the same.
The main issue with polyamory isn't a lack of love but that relationships become more complex.
With two people there's two relationships to manage, his with you and yours with his.
With 3 people you suddenly have 6 relationships to manage and any one of those six influences the other ones both positively and negatively.
If you feel unsecure you should talk with him about that though and perhaps the two of you can help each other with changing those feelings?

katiesmuff · Answer

Yes it is possible, just as it is possible for non swingers to fall in love with someone else.

HorrorFan · Answer

I would say you are being somewhat irrational.

I mean... he wouldn't be much of a swinger if he fell for the people he had sex with that easily.

Is it possible? Sure. However, keep in mind that it's possible for anyone in any circumstance to meet someone else, have a spark and come to some sort of realization that said person is 'better' than their current partner. You can't stop people from socially interacting with the opposite sex forever.

misstalia_95 · Answer

Want to hear the story of how my fiancé and I met? I was the girl he and his then wife invited for a threesome. So yes, it's VERY possible. You have to trust your significant other 100% and your relationship has to be solid. If there's any part of you that has doubts, SPEAK UP.

Jennifer398 · Answer

No not really it is all about the pleasure and there are strict rules everyone who plays follows

ThisDudeHere · Answer

This kind of doubt is what you get with this kind or kink.

Rissyanne · Answer

If he does.. well you ask for this when you decided if was ok for him to sleep with another girl.

kbharadwaj3125 · Answer

Swingers don't usually mix sex and love. If you want to know his view ask him

Margillard · Answer

Swinging can and will make you relationship stronger and give you confidence. Straight people stray away all the time and are racked with guilt and other relationship destruction. Swinging however is up front and truthful as long as you both agree in polyamoury.

Do swingers fall in love with the other people they have sex with?

vittle1999 · Answer

It's quite possible.

phoenixmp · Answer

Ground rules are a good idea. Set a limit on how many times you can speak or sleep with someone. And yes It does happen.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

In love? No way. A crush, like casual like? Yeah definitely, but so what? That's pretty normal if you're going to, you know, be inside someone on a regular basis. I wouldn't worry about it.