Do you prefer being sexually submissive or dominant in bed? Why is that?

Question

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Voted "Dominant." However, that is a bit overstated. Most of the time I am dominant, but there are times and circumstances where that is not the case.

In general, my girlfriend and I have a very primal kind of sex. We are like two animals breeding in a field, with licking and even biting and scratching. I am the dominant alpha male and she is the submissive female.

Invariably I am on top, usually doggie-style, although my body is close to her's. Pressing against her body and not with back straight. Even when it is missionary I will be on top and laying over her, thrusting deeply. I expect her to be obedient to me and give her body to me for my use.

It all sounds quite raw and even impersonal, but that is the funny part. My girlfriend is a very independent woman. We have lived together for 12 years and have three children and she is an incredible mother, partner, and career woman who knows her own mind and can speak it forcefully.

Yet the funny part is, when we have sex we are at our most exposed and vulnerable. I need and want her and we are sharing our bodies and we are all that we are - nothing but just us. It is the most deeply intimate and connected and loving - even as it is raw and animal.

Truthfully, my girlfriend even believes - and she admits that this is very old fashioned, that she should have sex with me - and I agree - even if she is not in the mood. She is to be there to meet my needs and submits to me. Here again, the funny part, is that this works because I love her and therefore I try to be sensitive to her moods and feelings. I can have sex with her whenever I want, but I won't because I love her.

Also, even in our sex there are times when it becomes less about my male dominance and more romantic and loving. When I suck her breasts I get mellow and I just want to be held and loved. I just lay in her lap, nursing at her breasts and I just need that sense of closeness.

When she sucks me and I cum in her mouth and she swallows or shares it with me in a long loving romantic kiss. Again, I am in the dominant role but in those moments it feels like total giving and total acceptance and I am no longer the dominant male, but my love and what we share is what matters.

So in theory it is a sharp divide, but in truth it blurs. I need to be the alpha male and my girlfriend needs to be submissive. For her it is a strange sense of being used and possessed and dominated and protected and cared for and loved all at once. For me, I need to be inside her and feel her warm skin against mine and to know that she is there to breed with me and that my penis is the source of the most raw pleasure. We need that sense of nature and of a male and female animal in nature.

She is there to be used by me and to have my babies. (We have three, as I mentioned.) Yet it all becomes more complicated and loving and romantic. The animals become deeply loving partners who cannot live without one another. So put me down for dominant - but with a twist.

TheorionMage · Accepted Answer

My motivation is to participate with my companion Lover as whichever gets HER most aroused and participating... I HAVE done BOTH and to BE a 'good' Dom... you must first experience BEING a 'good' Submissive. I was trained by a professional Canadian Dominatrix.~ ; )

It is said that a TRUE Masochist pleads "hurt me" and a genuine Sadist edges that Masochist just shy of genuine permanent injury ~ ; )

ShellyB · Accepted Answer

OK tldr submissive. The long version is I thought I was sexually dominant with my first serious boyfriend and it was boring, we didn't even really have sex ever and I never had an orgasm. Then I ended up submissive to my next serious boyfriend, he was horrible to me actually but I had so many orgasms, I even had orgasms when I was trying not to. So that kind of educated me that I am sexually submissive whether I want to be or not and a few years later I have kind of figured out how to have what my body or my subconscious needs sexually while not overdoing it also being treated great outside of sex.

CourtneyJane2 · Accepted Answer

I'm typically more submissive in bed, especially in my previous relationship, but lately I've been more apt to take charge in the bedroom.

Chubbychick · Answer

I'm more dominant. My husband is more submissive. But I have to be careful. If I'm too dominant he goes too fast.

Varanus · Answer

Neither and both. I'm not really into bdsm that much, but it's fun to switch it up.

Apple1996 · Answer

Mostly dominant

SnowedIn · Answer

Both. We enjoy switching back and forth.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Virgin, but I'd say both, but submissive for the most part.

DJB72 · Answer

Submissive. I'm a big guy (240lbs currently) and am rarely in a position where I'm at a physical disadvantage, even since I lost my leg. Being restrained so I'm at the mercy of the girl is intoxicating!

Msputiton · Answer

Depends on my mood

Cuddlekisser · Answer

In bed I am a pure sub. Why? I don't know. Why are some people gay?

Fireguy17 · Answer

switching can be a lot of fun, so both, with the right partner.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Sub but I can play the dom role as desired :)

KennethNoisewater · Answer

The actual act of sex doesn't really do to much for me like it once did. I'm really Just after the orgasm and the sex is whatever. But if for some reason it all get taken to the room, unless I have pent up sexual needs, I can leave it up to the lady. I would say most the time I am dominant by design. But some nights I don't mind letting her take control. As long as I can bust nuts along the way, I'll be good.