Do you think it's possible that I'll ever enjoy soft/gentle sex?

[Anonymous]

I've always felt a bit off by this, while the idea of candles and petals is super sweet it's not enough to turn me on or get me going. Now if he was to push me against the wall, put his arm flat against the wall and then nudge my legs open with one of his, effectively caging me against that wall that gets me going really good. Especially if he kisses me hard, and then walks off.

I also love it too much when a guy is going rough on me like full on yanking on my hair, or grabbing onto my waist so hard that it sometimes leaves bruises. Biting me or spanking me hard that they too inevitably leave bruises. And while I accept that side of me, the extremely submissive and sadism/ masochism sometimes I do wish if I could ever have normal sex and it would be enjoyable.

I remember in the past I told a guy I don't really like boob play and then he spent 30 odd minutes sucking, licking, gently touching my boobs. Because he was different and not like that last guy, and he was sure I could orgasm from my boobs, (while I don't know about orgasms, but grabbing them and having my nipples pinched and twisted feels great, even a few hardish bites feels awesome). I said to him a few times that you can do it, for you, but it does absolutely nothing for me. At the end of that he looked up at me, and I said I hope you enjoyed my boobs (I've got size D's) and then went to kiss him and get with him and he got annoyed, what that's it no thank you, I spent ages doing this for you, to which I repeated what I said, to get a whatever reaction. We still ended up having sex but it definitely didn't happen again with that attitude.

I just feel like I'm missing out with not being able to enjoy soft loving sex.

[ohsheeT]

There's a lot of women like you I've asked girls how do you like sex and they would all say rough nowadays it's all rough
.

And I was shake my head yes okay and we start foreplay and we keep going and going and then we start and I mean when I'm talking slow it's slow slow motion there's actually a really deep art to it but 5 to 10 minutes into it she's pushing her body against mine and she wants it harder and rougher and I just shake my head okay and I keep going slow slow motion slow slow motion and probably about 15 minutes into it you can see the color of her cheeks start turning redder her eyes open up wider they're whiter she's starting to breathe harder push and pull on me and that's when I know that she likes it slow so to be a smart-ass I will start getting rough right then and there and every girl I've done this to has grabbed a hold of me I mean squeeze me tight and said no no no don't go fast keep going slow just slow and deep slow motion and deep and you got to work five parts of your body all at the same time and I guarantee it you like slow and deep

[veganrogue]

As a dominant male who adores submissive and masochistic women, I see absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are.

My question for you is why do you want to have 'normal', gentle sex if it does nothing for you? What do you think you are missing out on?

What about a compromise? For instance, have you tried using nipple clamps and having vanilla sex? Or perhaps he can pull you hair hard while fucking you gently? Or a savage open hand strike to your ass every now and then during 'normal' sex?

In any case you have to be true to who you are as a sexual being. If pain and rough sex get you off, as long as it's done in a safe, sane environment between consenting adults, I'd say wear your bruises like a badge of honor. Find yourself a good Dom that will respect, love and care for you while giving you what you need, and how you need it.

[Anonymous]

No I'm the same way just enjoy it rough... There is a difference between slow passionate sex and gentle!

Love being a mistress pressing my lovers to the wall my knee between Thier thighs rubbing them teasing as I kiss Thier necks nibbling tightly on their ears and then pinning them down in bed!

The guys like it but it so drives my girl dates wild and that gets me so excited!

[MissBoogus]

Did you not start off having soft loving sex? It’s always been the rough kind?

[Asker]

The very first time I had sex it was okay but neither of us knew what we were doing really and I left it at that didn't do it again for a year. Then I met someone who was super rough and it blew my mind. Anytime after that whenever I had more softer/vanilla sex it was alright, but I always needed a bit of something to get me there or to make it really great. I dunno maybe it's more than that, the guys who were softer than me, tended to be less vocal. They were less dominant and let me get on with it, whereas the other guys had more of a powerful presence were very vocal with what they wanted, made me feel safe (ironic since they were inflicting pain on me on purpose lol) and gave me freedom to ask for what I wanted.

[MissBoogus]

I can understand what you’re saying , rough sex IS better in my opinion. But perhaps it happened a bit too early on, maybe not, I don't know. Once you get something so good you’ll want it forever and the rest won’t be so good 😝 . For me I met my first partner and for 8 years it was ONLY incredibly gentle! But that was also a bit of my fault, I was always so timid. Only now 8 years later am I asking him to be rough, choke me, hit me etc lol! And it’s so much funner!

[Asker]

Maybe, I've been reading erotica on the BDSM subject for about 3 years before my first time, and four years by the time it actually happened. So I was new to the experience, just not the subject, so I already had ideas of what I would or wouldn't like based on my reactions to those experiences.

[MissBoogus]

Oh I see! That different from my experience. Basically didn’t know what sex was until I met my boyfriend at 18.

[CrimsonAngel09]

I'd much rather have the soft and gentle sex.

[richardcory]

People like different things. Sometimes though I think you can get into a sort of sexual rut - where you do the things that turn you on and then do them more. It can be worth experimenting, even if most of the experiments don't work, you will find some that do.

Nothing wrong with enjoying rough sex - lots of people do.

[Dargil]

The first time a man gives you patient, confident, nurturing oral sex, when it is all about you, you will have that answer. It's not like a skilled blow job. It makes a girl feel loved right to her soul.

[Mybeachlife8888]

I’ll only answer this if you DM me… but I think you’ll be happy about that

[JackCarter]

Completely normal.. Everyone has fantasies and stuff they like more while making out... you are just wired that way..

And I am sure a lot of guys would be wired opposite to suit this.. that is being dominant and do things to you that you crave for

[Asker]

I know that and I do enjoy that side of myself, I just also want to enjoy the romantic sex too. The idea of slow sideways lazy sex while sounds so nice, just doesn't seem like I would actually enjoy it in the moment, and I do want to be able to enjoy it.

[stratford]

It's sexual chemistry - perhaps you and your guy aren't sexually matched. You'll both have to work to find the middle ground and occasionally indudlge the other's fantasies, or you mind find one of you cheating or a break up in the near future.

Good luck and for what it's worth your descriptions of the rough side of sex are hot - not to BDSM but more than just vanilla romance sex.

[Asker]

This is more reflection, I'm not with him anymore. Or anyone for that matter. Trust me this is more the basics most people like that I'm into, there's many things a lot more that I might not have actually done yet but I'm pretty sure I'll enjoy. I just sometimes think the more gentle side isn't for me and it's a little sad, I wouldn't want it all the time but maybe 10/20% would be nice but so far I've never actually enjoyed it.

[stratford]

Have you ever tried an erotic massage?

[Asker]

It sounds nice and it's on my list of things to do, but tbh don't fancy going to a random place for one so waiting until my next relationship

[stratford]

That makes sense, although it might add a bit of spice to things if you do. With a partner it might be a nice way to discover the more sensual side of things. Although having read your description of how you like rough carnal sex, I can't get my mind of it now!

[Asker]

I have... Issues with believing I deserve things. The last time I was with a guy what worked for us, (tbh I think it was unintentional from him), but as I was getting close he encouraged me with a bit of dirty talk and then said let go and weirdly enough having his approval or his say so, actually enabled me to orgasm. Which for me is one of the hardest things to do, to let go, focus and enjoy myself. Normally during sex I somewhat ignore myself, and try to make it the best experience I can for the guy. It's one of the reasons I like pain so much as it essentially shocks me into not thinking and just focusing on the feels, it also changes my demeanor a bit and has in the past made me more aggressive.

[stratford]

Do you include throat fucking in your list of rough likes?

[Asker]

I would like to do some versions of it, but I have a bit of a gag reflex so for the most part I do deep throat on my own terms

[stratford]

Would it depend on the guy's length and girth?

[Asker]

I mean yeah the smaller the guy the easier it is to throat fuck

[stratford]

But a smaller dick might limit your pleasure in other ways? Would you be ok to DM me so I can ask you about this?

[TheOldeMan]

Why would you want to change what you enjoy? Looking to conform to some fictional version of female sexuality says you should like? No. Don't change. If you like rough, aggressive sex, then you should pursue that.

[Asker]

I'm not saying I want to change, just that I've always wanted to experience it, that passionate loving type of sex, just that so far any sex that isn't rough I don't tend to enjoy as much.

[TheOldeMan]

Well I can certainly appreciate that. In the example you mentioned, the person you were with wasn't paying attention to your wants, needs, or even the most basic reactions of your body to his touch. He then threw a tantrum when his "good loving" did nothing for you? That person is selfish and inattentive. They're not going to be the one to explore that kind of sexual relationship with you. That's not your fault, it's his.

[Asker]

I'm not with him anymore, well anyone at the moment this is all perspective thinking. Along with every best experience I've had, involved a heavy hand, dominance or even some dirty talk. But nothing particularly in the "loving romantic" corner. The slower more gentle stuff gets dubbed with boring and unsatisfying.

[TheOldeMan]

I don't think there's anything wrong with what you want/need/like at all. As for wanting to explore other experienced, it might be that you'll find that in a combination of passionate and loving yet also dominant dynamic. Someone who can bring out and satisfy both sides of your sexual needs.

[AydenHazor]

You're into what you're into, there's nothing wrong with that

[Longshank]

Tell him to lay of your beasts and give you some good head and lick that pussy! Wow why would a guy spend that long on boobs? Also dominate him and tell him exactly what you want and how! Just make sure you give him a decent BJ too

[Asker]

Is it bad to say I don't love licking? Like give me some fingering or mix of the two that would be great. But I think I'd rather be kissed and fingered than just licked 😅. And I don't really have much of a dominance bone in me, I've done it before and it's really off-putting.

[Longshank]

Okay that’s great, I would tell him to finger your push and lay off your tits! Also tell him to own you! Me personally I would make you kneel suck my cock whilst fingering you then flip you over on your front while I position myself on top of you! Some guys need to own it

[B4851]

Everyone is different. But you may find something that just pops that makes you feel good about gentle. It may not be a big turn on, but the emotional side is just something you find nice.

[CubaPirate]

Let's hope so. You know you deserve it

[azgınteke]

If he lays you down on the massage table, if the candles with the scent of Far Eastern incense are dimly lit, he starts the massage with chamomile oil, first gives a satisfying massage to your back and arms, then goes to your legs and touches your asshole while applying pressure massage to the hips under the towel, do you want me to write more?

[Anonymous]

I know I would love it if the girl wanted that in bed! :)