Do you think this is bc of a bad experience?

He is very adamant about having the lights out completely for our first time having sex and I think that's a huge turn off. I want to see EVERYTHING.
He's very shy and self conscious but this isn't his first time having sex but it will be mine and yeah, I'm nervous but I'm not going to that extremes. So why is he being that shy about it?

Do you think he's been shamed in the past or he just fabricated it himself that he's unattractive naked?

I'm not saying I want a spotlight, dimmed is ok.

Me getting ready for sex:
Do you think this is bc of a bad experience?
Him:
Do you think this is bc of a bad experience?
shamed in the past
Vote A
fabricated these thoughts on his own
Vote B
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • One of the most beautiful things about making love is being able to see everything especially the person's eyes with your every kiss your every touch. For me I'd rather do it during the day when when the sun is shining through the window because I want to taste I want to touch I want to see every part of her I want to become her so deep in slow motion because I want to feel it all if I can't hear her breathe I can watch for free if I can't here alone I can see if she's mine I want to read her eyes and that her eyes tell me everything she wants me to do without sending one word and I slide down her body I want to taste it I want to feel the Way She Moves I want to watch the Goosebumps on her body under skin look at you with the tip of my tongue if I if I can't feel it taste it touch it.. hear it I would like to see it I want to become it,
    I know if I was him I would want want that Spotlight just because LOL when I am with the girl I want to make it all about her but on this situation right here I would become so selfish I would want it during the daytime when there's in every Square molecule of that room lol

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'll go with B... I think it might be him getting ahead in his mind, either way, go with dimmed lights, go with it the way you want it. If he starts to hesitate a bit, or lose comfort, whatever you notice a bit off, just try to ignore it, don't question it, don't ask... just don't feed it, and make it all about you and the moment, whatever bad experience or bad ideas he gets in his mind... I really doubt it'll be stronger than the thought and the sight of you, being with you, so... that. Own it, the moments and the experience.

Most Helpful Girls

  • One time I read about a girl who pretended to be a boy and ask her girlfriend to have sex in the dark, because her girlfriend thought she was a boy, and she was using a dildo, obviously because she didn't have man parts. Not saying that's the case with your case , but that's why I think it's kind of strange when they want the lights completely off, but maybe he just feels more comfortable when it's with a new person that he hasn't done it with before

  • I would say he either had a bad experience in the past so he's ashamed or it's because of your age gap. Perhaps he's afraid that you will stop liking him because he's not your age so his body is different.

    • What age gap?

    • @jerdanro This isn't my question, it's @lanadelrey25. So ask her.

    • I mean, that isn't in her question.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 19
  • Not to stereotype, but I don't think think the Asian culture is known for it's freaky deaky sex.

    • But I didn't think wanting to see genitals while banging was freaky... wtf

    • To you or me it's not, but to someone who was raised in a sexually repressive culture it is. If I were you, I would be prepared for that being a difference. Remember when he wouldn't dirty talk with you?

    • Yeah he still won't lmao, I do all the dirty talking

    • Show All
  • If You Want To See In The Bedroom Use Night Vision Goggles.
    If You Want To See In The Bedroom Use Night Vision Goggles.

    On the other hand your partner might be a little self conscious, nervous or he might not be comfortable with the lights on. Feel free to buy a night light & slowly brighten the room up over time & see if that works if not Plan A Night Vision Goggles.

  • might believe he has a small dick or something like that maybe insecure about his body has a weird birth mark lol it could be anything but you can reassure him with time. and a tip from me is a red light is the perfect compromise

    • red light is sexy!

    • hell yeah everyone looks amazing in red light lol

  • Not sure. Could be either. I voted B based on my intuition.

  • It could be some sort of insecurity about him being naked, I know for myself I'm insecure to be naked?

  • Weird. I've never had sex in complete darkness. I wouldn't say full out lights, but we'd always just dim the lights so we could see each other clearly and where to find the holes lmao. That guy really needs to learn to be more comfortable in his skin. Maybe just chill with each other both being naked and get comfortable with each other like that. I'm sure he'll lose his insecurity over time if you practice being in birthday suits together.

  • Tell him you love seeing his body and would like to try having sex with a little more light. Take it slow. Start by having a light on very low to see if he can deal with it, even just one LED candle, and take it from there.

  • Too little information to say

  • He's probably self-conscious and maybe has an issue with his self-confidence. I take it that he knows that it's going to be your first time, and that can be a lot of pressure to put on someone, especially if they're long removed from their own first time, or don't necessarily have fond memories of their own first time.

  • Probably some combination where he took comments to be shaking that likely weren't intended to be so

  • I think it may be a combination of being shamed and him having little or no confidence.

  • That's really unusual for a guy, and my guess is he had a bad experience, or he's very shy.

  • I like a mix of both but I like some light. I also like to see everything going on.

  • Wow. Usually it’s women that want the lights out.

  • You're too kinky and freaky for him, I think. I wouldn't be surprised if he backed off.

    • Um ok? He knows all my kinks and hasn't "backed off".

    • And wanting to see a naked person isn't freaky or kinky wtf

    • I'm not talking about that, but the rest. And you're not in the moment yet. He seems more tame than you, he might be a bit anxious when it will happen. It's easy to say "I'll do this and that" before, but once you're in the action, things can be different. What I mean is, try to adapt to him as much as you can, without sacrificing your own pleasure of course, because if he sees too many things he doesn't like or isn't used to, that might make him panic a bit. It's not his first time in general, but it's his first time with you. It's not a small thing.

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  • You can always try candles for a soft glow and work your way brighter

  • Maybe he's just shy?

  • fear of being shamed
    thin
    unusual marks

  • I don’t think it’s normal. I’d want to see everything

  • I have not had ever but I think I will also do in light off