Do your conservative views get in the way of finding love? Have your views changed?

[Anonymous]

I'm just going to be blunt. Chalk it up to being raised in a conservative family or watching one to many romantic fucking Disney movies I don't know, but there's been a fair few times when I've been getting to know someone and whether it's through direct or second hand conversation I found out they've partaken in casual sex and I just end up throwing up in my mouth a bit.

I won't lie it's ruined some potential relationships but it's just such a... like an ingrained response, borderline physical reaction.

Has anyone else been in my place? You had something good going on then bam you get hit with this choice between your attraction to someone and a having to forego a very strong core belief?

*Note: Before you answer I am aware that everyone has different beliefs when it comes to casual sex. There is no right or wrong answer, we are all a product of our experiences. Also please be aware that I will NEVER insult a person for holding a different belief than me regarding sex. I just simply tell the person we are not compatible and that it would not work out romantically, which is the truth. I'm sure they wouldn't want to be with someone who holds my kind of views and vice versa.*

[DrunkAss]

Are they conservative views or stereotypes spoonfed by media? Men went to war back in those days. My grandfather was a paratrooper in WW2. He danced to the music we would think is so cheesy. But he slept around. He keeps it mostly to himself because he's got that gentleman way, but he's a soldier. He killed people. He slept around. He had that primal urge. I'm sure of it when I see black and white photos of his standing on motorcycles speeding through the highway. Just because people kept things more behind the curtains in the 50s doesn't mean that their thoughts were about Hollywood romances and kissing while screens fade to black. The guys wanted pussy, plain and simple.

[Asker]

Conservative. My parents aren't American, they emigrated here. Regardless does it matter? Whatever people did in the 50s or now sexually that's them, if you like to bone, then bone away, I'm not here to stop that.

[Asker]

Correction, technically they ARE American now cause they went through the legal system but, yeah you know what I mean.

[DrunkAss]

Well, my opinion is that the primal instinct that drives men to success with women is largely the same across history with only minor exceptions for spotlights to people that violate it. I think it's backward to want romance first and sex later. I see lots of guys who find neither pursuing that route. I have found guys who accidentally found both pursuing things the other way around... because women tend to respond to that primal energy. You can melt them with a touch if it's right -- not too civilized, not too beast-like -- but a combo of both. And when you master that power, then you can find the one you love... you can have a sort of power here, even if it still requires some luck. But my blunt opinion is that the way to a woman's heart is still through her vag and clit. That, at least, has worked far better in my experience than poetry and the like.

[Asker]

Glad it's worked out for you my friend, but it's not in line with the question. The question is for people who DO have conservative views and experienced this kind of contrast before.

[DrunkAss]

I still sort of have them. I wanted to marry my first girlfriend. I had fairy tales and Hollywood Romance fantasies. That's all I knew as I kid. I liked the romantic ideas of dreams and noble deeds. But back then I was a teen and daydreaming a lot. I got hit waves of reality. Unless we move to some community of like-minded people, that innocent way of cultivating a romance as we see it in our dreams is probably close to impossible. So I learned the primal. I learned body language, communication with nuance, touch, things of this nature. I halfway complied to the caveman fantasy that some women have -- not all the way to being dirty and smelly and eating rotting carcasses of dead animals -- but somewhere in that direction. And it helped a lot. I found my wife that way.

[Asker]

Ah I see, so you DID have them at some point, but life forced you to adapt and change. Honestly a part of me wishes my life had went that direction, my life would be a lot easier romantically that's for sure. Easier said than done though, hell I would probably have an easier time cutting off my arm than changing that belief, that shit runs deep in my brain that's for sure.

[DrunkAss]

Some of my post was with a sense of detecting a like-minded spirit. I wanted to try to break your fantasy a bit. I wanted to ruin it sorta because I need to ruin mine and start rebuilding it to start getting things going in the dating scene. I don't know if there was ever a time where that sort of innocent fantasy played out among the masses. We have to embrace sexuality as I see it. And you have to be comfortable with it, have fun with it, to have a chance at endearing love -- something worth building dreams about and goals around -- as I see it.

[Asker]

Yeah that's tough to do, especially when you grow up with parents who actually lived that ideal fantasy. They met in high school, their firsts everything. Then they escaped a war torn country as a genocidal wave was passing through and came to America and built a life together. It's a very high bar to pass and while it's lovey dovey and all, it's not a very realistic imprint to pass on to your kid. So you can see where I got my frame of reference from, not media but just a rare occurrence of life.

[sadMeester]

Yes. It feels like it means nothing to them.

If I find out they had multiple partners in the past even in relationships I dislike it