Does fairness in swinging exist?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend have been dabbling in swinging. Today we had an argument about our expectations. His view is that as the woman I get a lot more attention at swinger’s clubs, etc. He doesn’t. It’s also not the environment for him to get a proper erection either. In the beginning of our swinging experience we generally went to clubs where there were single men so I got a lot of action. But a while into our experience, my boyfriend said he felt it was unbalanced because I was getting more than him. We decided to only meet couples so there would be a full swap. But he is still saying it’s not equal. He always brings up ‘do you know how many guys you’ve been with compared to me?’… I understand that it can be frustrating for one partner when one gets more action than the other. But at the time where I was getting most of it, he was the one egging me on to do it because (I thought) it turned him on. I thought it was a gift to have these experiences. But later on in our discussions I of course found out it wasn’t and that he gets bored watching and feels left out. AND he keeps bringing it up when we dispute about the boundaries etc. It’s really annoying me because had I known he’d have been adding my experiences to a weighing scale, there is no way I would have done them. My main limit in swinging is I don’t like the idea of him chatting up or going out with other women privately - everything has to be together. But when I say that, he says that I’m limiting his chances of having experiences. Surely I’m allowed to have a limit and he should be okay with exploring swinging within that? He says that I need to be more considerate of him and the fact that he hadn’t had as many experiences as me. I feel that I am - that’s why I suggested we only meet couples. Even so he still bangs on about it being unfair. Ahhh! There was one occasion with a couple where he was having more fun than I was! So the scale was tipped in his favour… surely it can’t be 50/50 all the time?

[spartan55]

My ex and I were in the Lifestyle for 10 years. Your boyfriend doesn't have the right mindset to be in it. We stuck mainly to private house parties, hotel blocks and we frequented one club, but it was an off premise club.

[Asker]

Hi! Can you explain more about my boyfriend not having the right mindset? :)

[spartan55]

For him to scorecard everything is lame. It's not a competition.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[spartan55]

Good luck, if you have any other questions message me. I have lots to share.

[Paul09]

Enerally he is right. Women will always have te advantage. what the point of only the woman getting all the action? Where's the guys action? But if you are swapping, both of you should have equal fun. It should be 50|50 . How s the woman getting all he fun and action fair why the guy does what?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should reconsider letting him go out with other women to balance the ‘scale’ he needs more confidence to be happy in this lifestyle. Or just stick to swapping with couples so you each get exactly the same.

[Asker]

That was essentially the solution we came to

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like you have a very weak relationship and its end is inevitable. This promiscuity is simply accelerating the process.

[Asker]

Nah I disagree

[Gent207-2]

Sounds like quite a mess, not to state the obvious. But at least you two are negotiating and talking it out. Be sure to use plenty of "I feel" statements

[Asker]

I did haha

[summiter]

I'd have to try it to see what it is like.

[Asker]

Why not? YOLO

[summiter]

I agree... but I'd have to get my wife to goo for it, Maybe I'll bring it up in a convo.

[AviatorTom]

Swinging is all about trust. Your partner can enjoy themselves... with you present, or on their own... and always return to you.
If you don't trust your partner, then swinging us not for you.

[Greenskydreams69]

No it is never 50/50. The hard truth is one partner is always going to get more attention/sex than the other. Swinging and group sex is a hot fantasy but is much harder in practice especially when there is jealousy.

[Asker]

Exactly! That’s how I feel..

[BarryLiverstone]

No it can’t be 50/50. He is feeling left out because you are more attractive

[Asker]

Haha thanks for that one

[DaveToo]

If you both are in need of other partners you need to find permanent partners that don't NEED anyone else.

[Asker]

It’s not about permanent partners, it’s about non-monogamous sex.

[Anonymous]

No. Swinging for men is just cuckolding.

[Anonymous]

Open relationships have pretty predictable problems. This is one of them.

[Asker]

Haha that’s helpful…