Does he not find me attractive enough anymore?

[Anonymous]

The other day while me and my boyfriend were being intimate in the missionary position, at one point he literally told me to look away from him. Making me feel as though he didn’t want to look at my face but it wasn’t like he wasn’t enjoying because he kept moaning or whatever you call it when a guy makes slight noise during sex and kept whispering how “tiny” and “small” I was, I’m guessing my stature is more noticeable in that position but then after a few strokes he wouldn’t get hard again and eventually he got frustrated and said “I must not be in the mood and I’m just being lazy.” But what if he was lying and it was really because of me that he couldn’t get hard again or stay hard after the first few minutes.1

[AustinMan]

I'd submit as an alternate explanation that he was having a hard time, no pun intended, maintaining his focus and that trying to maintain eye contact with you was a distraction his erection wouldn't support. I doubt it has anything to do with how he feels about you but you can ask him. It's important how you do it. Here're are some ideas.

How to Talk to Your SO About Sex ↗

[Guffrus]

Sounds like guilt / shame to me.

You looking away isn't about you not being seen, its about him not being seen.

If it were a matter of attraction then why not take you from behind and celotape a picture of his dad to your back or whatever? Presumably missionary was a choice that he made, an intimate and connected position.

ED is very frequently a mental problem not a physical one further evidencing that there is a problem in his mind.

So he tried to connect but wasn't able to because reasons then he told you some lies to avoiding dealing with whatever the truth is, assuming he even knows.

But let me assure you there are precisely zero guys who are hard inside a lady who then just decide they have better things to do or can't be bothered to finish.

So on the plus side we can at least be sure he is a fucking terrible liar.

[Asker]

Guys feel guilty for not being able to get an erection?

[Guffrus]

You aren't listening to what I am saying to you. Yes, what you just said is true but it has nothing to do with this situation. You have just taken 2 things removed them from the context they were presented in mashed them together and ignored everything else.

[Asker]

Honestly you would have to break it down again because I’m not understanding it.

[Asker]

Just like I can’t understand his reasons or what’s going on causing all this

[Guffrus]

Look its important for me to stress that I'm not a wizard, I can't know what has gone on but I was suggesting that he brought the guilt with him into the situation and that was casual not an effect of the ED. The easiest target is to say that he cheated feels bad and now can't perform or look you in the eye. But maybe it is just performance anxiety, May be he had trouble right from the start and it is just all about performance. I just really don't see this turning your face away as being anything to do with your looks etc, that is your own insecurity. For me that aspect as I've said is all about him not being seen, feeling judged or pressured or having to literally face you.

[boggboss]

Ita more then possible I have never heard someone tell there partner to look away from them when fucking

[Asker]

It wasn’t exactly like he said “Look away from me” Or “Don’t look at me.” But my head was turned to the left side and he’s just like “Turn your head the other way.” Which was weird.

[boggboss]

I'm trying to work out if he was trying to picture someone else or not

[Amraam]

even if he doesn't find you attractive and can't get hard because of this, its not your fault. dont try to blame yourself trying to cover for an asshole. just leave him and be with someone that would value you and make you happy

[Anonymous]

I can’t explain the “look away” instruction. That’s bizarre behavior.

But as far as losing his erection goes, was he stressed? Drunk or on meds? Could he have a porn addiction that’s so bad he has desensitized himself? Or is it possible that he jacked off just before you had sex?

[Asker]

It was weird because he was all amped horny and ready. He even was the one that came on to me. Kissing on me grabbing caressing etc then while my head was turned one way while in that position he goes “Turn your head the other way.” He didn’t exactly say “Don’t look at me.” But I guess I took it as that and before we actually had sex a few hours before I had given him oral and even when that happened we were both just laying under the sheets, watching tv until I started noticing his hand moving under the sheets and him staring at me, I look over and he looked lustful and horny and eventually just asked for oral. He seemed to still be attracted but at the same time he doesn’t. If that makes sense.

[Opinion Owner]

Not all guys can do round two well. Still can’t explain the turn your head thing. You should ask him.