Does it sound like im not good enough for him sexually?

[Anonymous]

We are in our early 20s. It's not been an easy relationship at all. He took my virginity when I was 16, the sex was always good for me. But he always had to have porn either after sex when I went home or when I wasn't there. It didn't bother me much because when were still in school, we couldn't see each other as much. But as we got older this didn't go away. It got to the point where I was living with him and he was putting on porn right after sex after I fell asleep. I would ask what I was doing wrong and why I couldn't satisfy him and he would just tell me to shut up and would not elaborate any further. It got to the point where we were both too nervous to have sex because I felt like I sucked at it. He always told me the sex was great, but I couldn't believe him because he kept needing porn even when he was having me everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. In December, I broke up with him. I didn't say that porn was the cause, but it was definitely one of the bigger issues. I said we could be friends, because i couldnt imagine him not being in my life, i just had to stop having sex with him because it was ruining my confidence. He kept texting me everyday and would get sad and and text me multiple times if I went out and didn't text him all night. In January we started hanging out again. The sex was good the first few times but we definitely didn't do it as much as we used to. I asked him why and he said that he just wasn't horny after I broke up with him. The other night, we had sex and he kept saying his penis was sensitive for some reason and he was complaining during the sex, saying that my "cervix was dragging on his dick." And he pushed me off. Refused a blowjob, just went cold. And then the next night, I wanted to be better for him and try again, and he said, "nah, I already masturbated." The porn keeps being an issue and even tho it bothers me, he will not stop. I feel awful about myself. I guess this means I'm not good enough for him sexually?

[NamerOfStars]

No, he's just a jackass. Look, there may be a reason he'd go back to porn right after he'd finished having sex- I don't know what it could be, but I can accept that there is a reason- but when you, very reasonably, ask him why, he just says "shut up"? Yeah, there's no excuse for that. You conclude you didn't do it well, and not only ask what you did wrong but try to improve, and he still won't explain? He complains about a consequence of positioning, doesn't try to reposition either of you, and then refuses your compensatory offer of a blowjob, preferring to ignore you entirely?

Whatever deficiencies you may have in technique, you've definitely got the attitude to make up for. If anything, I think the problem is that you're too good for him.

[Asker]

So he is unsatisfied by sex with me if he's watching porn after having sex? And also anytime I'm not there. And masturbates instead of having sex woth me sometimes..

[Asker]

I mean... What could be wrong with me sexually? Why can't he stay away from porn if I'm fucking him regularly? The only possible reason is that I'm bad at it right?

[Asker]

Or maybe there's a problem with my vagina?

[NamerOfStars]

No. You're overlooking the obvious possibility that something's wrong with HIM. Think it through: if you're not there and he still needs sexual relief, he'll masturbate. That's entirely reasonable. If you ARE available and he still does- well, if that happens *sometimes*, it's okay; masturbation isn't just about sex, and sometimes you need the other, more psychological, parts of it. And frankly, he may be into some kinky stuff that he's afraid you'll freak out at him for suggesting. Maybe that fear is valid, maybe it isn't, but it's how he *feels*. But if he's doing it all the time? That's a sign of something bad. Now, it sounds like you're doing all you reasonably could to make sure he was satisfied- that's good- but he's still not happy. I suppose it IS possible that there's something off about you anatomically, but you've offered your hands and mouth as well and he seems uninterested. That's a bad sign, but the nail in the coffin is that he's unwilling to work with you to figure out what's wrong. Sex with a new partner is rarely great when you're starting out- good, maybe, but the real high-level stuff takes practice and knowledge of each other's bodies, to a degree that only comes with time. Being unwilling to do that and still expecting great results is a sign of immaturity- being so inconsiderate of your feelings in the process is a sign of general awfulness.

[Asker]

We had been together for almost 7 years tho and I have done every kink that he has expressed interest in and I honestly enjoyed it. I didn't just do it for him. And I have been told by past sex partners that I am good at blowjobs and that sex with me is really good. So I don't know. But you said there could be something off about me anatomically, I'm genuinely curious about what could be wrong with my vagina? Because I'm doing everything else right, such as doing kinks and giving head and he still needs porn, so what are the possible problems with my vagina? I would really appreciate some insight. I've been told I'm tight by men, but what else could be wrong with it that is making him so unsatisfied?

[Asker]

And now that I think of it, guys tend to leave me after sex when they were extremely interested in me BEFORE sex, so obviously something is off about me sexually. But I just can't place it. I've been told I'm tight and everything. But something must be off about my vagina or else this wouldn't keep happening. I'd actually be able to satisfy men and not make them run away after sex. Please tell me all the possibilities that could be wrong with me down there. Any input would be helpful because I am honestly confused and it's eating at me. It must be something that I can't fix or I feel like my partner would have at least tried to let me know. I just want to know what it could be.

[Asker]

But every single time I tried to get into a relationship before my current one, things would go great with the guys UNTIL they had sex with me. Then they became uninterested in me and let me down easy, saying they would rather "just be friends"...

[NamerOfStars]

Something is obviously off about *the experiences of the guys having sex with you*, yes- that still doesn't necessarily mean it's YOU. If you want a full list of all the anatomical issues it's possible for you to have, you'd need to talk to a doctor. But if this has happened more than once, I think the problem is more likely just lousy taste in men.

[Asker]

What do you mean something is obviously off about the guys experiences with me?

[Asker]

I don't think I understood the way you worded it. Im sorry. I'd like to understand tho. Please don't get annoyed. I'm very bothered by this situation in my life

[Asker]

Like what could have been wrong with their experience with me? How can a woman be *that* bad at sex that it makes men either run away after sex or get addicted to porn? Lmao. I must be pretty awful.

[NamerOfStars]

I mean that yes, they had problems in their sexual encounters with you- but the problem might have come from them, not from you. Now yes, if it's happened with every guy you've been with, then you ARE the one common factor, but doesn't mean it's your fault- or ALL your fault. At least one of you: -came in with wrong expectations. -wasn't getting the stimulation they needed, physical or psychological. -wasn't *giving* the stimulation they needed, physical or psychological. -was in an uncomfortable or outright painful position or posture. -wanted to say something, but couldn't bring themself to. I think that's about it; one or more of those came up. Now, when things go wrong in a sexual encounter, the key to making things better is to communicate. To say "Hey, would you [x]" or "Could we [Y]" or some such thing. If that doesn't happen, then it's stupid to expect anything to improve. If you ARE the problem, then you're not the ONLY problem. You seem determined, however, to blame yourself.

[Asker]

And the guys I've been with before my ex all came pretty fast with me and told me I was tight and felt good. They also said I tasted nice "down there" and gave good head. So that's why I'm confused about what kind of issue I have sexually. I just don't get it, but there must be some kind of problem. :/

[loveslongnails]

I will say this as gently as I possibly can: get the fuck away from this guy as fast as you can. PICTURE HIM NOT in your life - you don't need him or his shit.

I realize he was your first, and you wanted a fairy tale ending, but this guy is ill. He's very fucked up and he WILL drag you down with him if you stay. It's easy for anyone else to see that he doesn't care about YOU at all, just himself.

When he texted you knowing you were out, and letting you know how "sad" he was, it was all part of his narcissism. He was just trying to control you, again. You took that away once, now you have to do it again, permanently.

And now my gentleness ends - get the fuck away from this guy and never, EVER talk to him again, if you know what's good for you.

[Asker]

What could be wrong with me sexually? Why can't he stay away from porn if I'm fucking him regularly? The only possible reason is that I'm bad at it right?

[Asker]

Or maybe there's a problem with my vagina that makes me unable to satisfy a penis?

[Asker]

And he didn't text me that he was sad when I didn't respond when we broke up, he just texted multiplie times and asked what he did wrong and that he missed me.

[loveslongnails]

OK girl, you are asking ALL the wrong questions and missing the point completely. This guy has a porn addiction. YOU, or ANY one woman, will NEVER satisfy him. Ever. He told you the sex was great, huh? Maybe for that brief moment it was true, but it's not great enough to keep him from porn. He doesn't even know what he's done wrong. Telling you to shut up, pushing you away, being cold, not giving a shit about you - and he has no clue? There's no problem with your pussy, and you're probably quite decent at sex. Your problem is you can't see the forest for the trees. You're hooked on him, he's hooked on porn. You're both fucked until one of you beats your own personal addiction.

[Asker]

Yeah other guys I've been with in the past has said that sex with me was great and that I'm tight and give really good head. That's why I was so confused when this was going on with him. Made me feel awful about myself. But yeah I think I'm finally done having sex with him

[Asker]

I can't keep feeling this way about myself tbh. Thank you

[Asker]

And I'm tired of being told to shut up and him not taking my feelings seriously. I would understand if I wasn't giving him enough sex but i was. So if that wasn't enough, then I'm gone.

[loveslongnails]

It's good that you're tired of it, and want to move on, and you don't want to feel that way. But AGAIN, stop missing the point, please. You seem to think that if he was totally satisfied with you sexually, it would give him the RIGHT to tell you to shut up? Not take you seriously? Treat you like shit... and you would be OK with that because you could tell yourself " Yeah, but the sex I give you is the best, right?" Girl, you have some maturing to do if you're thinking like that.

[Asker]

I obviously know he wasn't satisfied by me. So yeah, I'm done thinking like that. I'm giving up on sex. My confidence is completely shattered. And yeah, I'm gonna work on not letting people talk to me like I'm garbage anymore

[loveslongnails]

Wow... I didn't think there were MORE ways for you to miss the point and draw bad conclusions, but you keep FINDING ways! * I obviously know he wasn't satisfied by me." - Open you brain, LOSE your EGO, and hear this - He's a PORN ADDICT. He's not going to be SATISFIED by ANYONE, or any ONE woman! Do you understand this? * You're going to stop having sex because a PORN ADDICT wasn't satisfied by you? You're going to give all the pleasures of sex because an ADDICT didn't get enough of a HIGH off your body? Yeah, that's just brilliant. Cut off your nose to spite your face. BRILLIANT!

[loveslongnails]

typo * you're going to "give up"

[Asker]

Fuck you dude. We're done here. I'm done being belittled.

[loveslongnails]

Right. Then stop being being a fucking idiot.

[Asker]

How about you stop being an insensitive dickhead. Prick.

[loveslongnails]

LOL Oh, I'm insensitive because you're irrational. You can't comprehend ANYTHING about this conversation! Your entire viewpoint is based on the idea that "I can't satisfy him, so it's my fault", when the fact is that he's an addict, and you allowed yourself to feel beaten and battered because you refused to realize what addicts do. And your solution? "I'm giving up on sex". " I'm gonna work on not letting people talk to me like I'm garbage". Well, how are you gonna do that if you're still blaming yourself for being sexually inadequate for a porn addict? Grow up.

[LazerBean]

He's a porn addicted degenerate. It is not possible to satisfy people like that.

[Asker]

What could be wrong with me sexually tho? Why can't he stay away from porn if I'm fucking him regularly? There must be a reason he needs this. The only possible reason is that I'm bad at it and can't satisfy him with my vagina, right?

[LazerBean]

The only thing that is wrong with you is that you are easy and picked a loser. He is probably always been this worthless even before you came along.

[loveslongnails]

Lazer, she just... doesn't... get it !! She refuses to understand that as an addict, he's insatiable and always wants more, and there is no such thing as good enough. *smh*

[loveslongnails]

Wrong. You don't seem to want to understand that there IS no satisfying this guy like a "normal guy" would be satisfied. Your pussy might feel good, even great, at the moment you're fucking, but an hour later, he wants more - because he's an ADDICT. It wouldn't matter if he was fucking someone else an hour earlier, or HOW GOOD she was. There IS no thing as "good enough" or satisfying enough, when you're an addict. No woman's pussy is "enough". Once you dump this guy, your next lover might think he hit the lottery with you sexually and never want anything else. Who knows? But what we do know for sure is, this guy you're hooked on will not be satisfied with any one girl. Not you, not the best fuck in the world. Try and understand this without reacting.

[Guy13]

Porn rewires your mind. Goto Amazon and order Hooked. This book is layman version of neurological medical journal research with brain MRI. Body hopping, inability to form lasting LTR and bunch of other bad stuff listed in that book backed in research is available

Good Luck with him and the Relationship.

[Asker]

What could be wrong with me tho? I should be better than porn... but I'm not. At all.

[Guy13]

It is NOT you is the point. His expectations are whacked and his brain is rewired to only be responsive to one thing. He pretty much is a robot...

[gorydetails]

Sweetie, get some self-respect and dump this guy.

[Asker]

What could be wrong with me tho? I should be better than porn... but I'm not. At all.

[gorydetails]

whats wrong with you is you have no self respect

[Asker]

Yes I'm aware that i have low esteem. But I'm talking about physically. Could I have a problem sexually that makes hom prefer porn over me?

[Asker]

*him

[gorydetails]

And I'm talking about you. You need to get some self-respect.

[Habshater22]

Maybe he just likes looking at the mens privates and he could be slightly bi or gay. Just a thought