Does my boyfriend has a fetish he didn't tell?

[Anonymous]

Hey there,

I am dating a real handsome guy for 3 months and I am suspecting he may have a fetish that he kept as a secret.

A month ago, we were shopping for some groceries. And there were some shelves that I couldn't reach as Im 4' 11. I asked him to reach the items for me but he said that he would rather be a step stool on his fours and wanted me to step on him. As surprised I am, I asked why he doesn't want to just get it from the shelf. He told me that I like picking many items and compare the ingredients, TETT whatever and also said that he doesn't like getting and putting back items in the shelves. He insisted on me stepping on him. As I didn't want to argue in public, I said fine and attempted to remove my boots. Then he continued that I should keep my heeled boots on so that we wouldn't lose more time. So I was just frustrated that day for him being that pushy and for that reason I wanted to make it harder for him so he wouldn't ask such a thing ever again. I stood longer than 2 mins on top of him grinding my heel into his skin.

However, he was so happy that day as I couldnt make any sense. On later times, he started to turn this into a frequent thing. He was doing it in library when I was unable to reach a book as well as doing it in every grocery store we went.

Over time, I grew suspicious and searched the web. It now appeared that there is a pretty common feet fetish as some men love to be stepped on by females.

Thene, I became really suspicious of him having a hidden fetish and confrontod him. He denied it and told me I was insecure for doubting him. He told me that he was doing it just to be a helpful boyfriend.

Normally, I am ok with my partner having a fetish; however, I dont like secrets bein kept from me. Do you think he has a fetish? And should I break up for him not disclosing this information from me?

[abc3643]

1. He strongly suspect he has some fetish.. In fact, his fetish may be much more than feet. You can PM me if you want to discuss this further because I may have some insight that others may not.

2. You may have to give him time to "come clean" on this. You've only been together for 3 months, so he's not completely there yet with the level of vulnerability that he is willing to give you. Do not push the issue. If he genuinely has a fetish, he will admit it to you with time... the more secure he feels about you, the more likely he will be to reveal the truth. Which brings me to...

3. Create a supporting environment. It's important that you do not come across as judgmental. In fact, if you have any kinks for fetishes, consider revealing them to him. Once you show that level of intimacy, trust, and vulnerability, he may be prompted to respond and reveal his inner self to you.

[abc3643]

... and, no, do not break-up with him over this... yet. While it is not right to hide things from your partner, trust is earned over time and 3 months isn't a long time. My more major concern is sexual chemistry. If you two have incompatible kinks or fetishes, then your relationship may not work out and you would need to move on.

[abc3643]

* 1. _____ I ______ strongly suspect he has some fetish..

[Asker]

But I really dont like being lied to

[Asker]

What do you mean as come clean

[abc3643]

Don't think about it as being lied to. First-off, we could be wrong and he's telling the truth. But, I suspect he just simply isn't ready to admit to his fetish. Many people are not. You don't go on a first date and ask "Hey, you got a fetish? What is it?" That sort of thing is revealed over time. For him, you asked too soon before he would comfortably admit to it. If you create a safe environment for him to feel free to admit these things to you, he will. However, if you come across as demanding or judgmental, it's game over - he will shut down and you should move on and learn from that.

[abc3643]

"Come clean" is an idiom for revealing the truth.

[abc3643]

dictionary.cambridge.org/.../come-clean

[BJP21]

If your ok with him having a fetish its nothing to breakup about, the lying I will agree is an issue. Fetishes like some have mentioned are very interpersonal and its very difficult for some to come clean on. If I were you, Id tap into that fetish fantasy he has rather than shame him. It may be to your benefit.

[Avcfhcic]

He might have a foot fetish or a trampling one, since he wanted you to stand with heels on you.
Just try and ask him point-blank about fetishes related to that and see if you get an answer

[Asker]

As I said in the quetion, he denies it and accuses me of questioning his honesty

[Avcfhcic]

It depends what you think. If you aren't convinced and therefore unhappy, deal as you would. I think maybe but it isn't a deal breaker

[Asker]

I really dont like lies

[Avcfhcic]

Then there's your answer. Even I have some fetishes that I would be uncomfortable sharing, just takes trust and time

[RobT312]

If you like him, something like this isn’t worth breaking up over…. maybe he’s more kinky than you think and he likes dom/ sub situations …you’ll find out over time.

[Mrmr123]

Yes, I think he likes to be dominated. I love this too in a way but my partner isn’t into my fetishes at all :(.

[Luckycharms12]

Not really breaking up over something silly

[Asker]

Is dishonesty something silly?

[Luckycharms12]

People find it hard to open up about fed

[Luckycharms12]

About sexually stuff

[Luckycharms12]

Or maybe he doesn't know about it

[CubaPirate]

Caring is sharing

[Anonymous]

I have a foot fetish. This isn't it. He has a dom fetish.

Personally I don't get how a man can be attractive and want his girl to dominate him, even in play.

How does it make you feel, this sort of reversed gender role?