Does this count as rape?

My ex boyfriend used to pressure me into having sex with him when I didn't want to. He'd ask to have sex and I'd say i wasn't in the mood etc. He'd keep asking me until I would eventually cave and let him have sex with me. Sometimes I would even started crying half way through but he'd keep going. In the beginning of our relationship, he'd want to have sex 3 times a day which is way too frequently for me. He'd guilt trip me into sleeping with him by saying that I don't love him unless I have sex with him. He also wouldn't get me wet before sex. He'd just shove his penis into my dry vagina and it really hurt. Is that rape. He didn't physically force me but ware me down mentally until I agreed. I kept telling him that this was very hurtful (emotionally and physically) but he didn't stop. He kept promising to stop but never did.

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Superb Opinion

  • That's not rape. It's coercion, which is charged under "sexual assault" in some states, but it's not rape, because you consented, even if it was just due to pressure.

    Essentially, you decided that having sex with him, even if you didn't want to, was preferable to breaking up with him (which is what you should have done) and telling him to go home. I understand he was putting pressure on you - and while doing so is very common and even DESIRED by many women - he took it way too far, and that makes him an asshole, your job is to NOT DATE ASSHOLES.

    In the future, should this ever happen again, your job is to break up with the guy immediately and either go home or send him home. Take responsibility for the outcomes of your life, and if you aren't getting the desired outcome, then take action and address the problem - don't just give in.

    • This is a good answer

Most Helpful Guy

  • If "no" means "no," then "yes" means "yes" and you consented to having sex, even though you didn't want it. He may be lower than a snake's balls but you did agree, so it's not rape.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I believe it is, by fact that you were being coerced. Him coming out with the old "you don't love me" classic is used by so many guys that don't care about you but just want sex.

    • Yes I feel like he had no respect for my autonomy at all

    • Funny that you think its rape but savagewold22 thinks it isn't

    • I think it would be more likely to be classed as raoe in a European country, but probably not in US. It seems laws in US have a lot of catching up to do to match other countries.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 14
  • He technically didn't use force and he didn't lied to you so it's not rape by deception.

    • Yes I guess it’s not rape. It’s just being a shit person

  • It's literally not rape if you agreed without being forced to agree under some kind of threat... If you think it is, I wanna see the same energy from y'all when women are the ones guilting men into sleeping with them.

  • No. But could be seen as abusive and coercive behaviour.

    You'll struggle to build a case though. You'll need to get one of his exes to testify, if not a confession from him

    • I'm not bringing charges against him. I have a new boyfriend who I love and he treats me very well. I'm just reflecting on what happened.

  • it's not rape no but it's douchy

  • I would speak to the police. Each state has slightly different laws.

  • No, that's not rape darling.

  • I suspect it would be difficult to make rape charges stick, but you may want to discuss it with your local police for their opinion.

    • I'm not thinking about bringing charges. I'm just reflecting on what happened. I don't think that would be worth the time and energy.

    • In that case, I believe you were manipulated into having sex that you didn't want.

  • No, it is not rape. It is not even coercion, legally speaking, as there was not a threat of violence. What it was is manipulation, and I am sorry that it happened. Any time a guy uses the, "You don't love me if you don't..." know that what follows is something that benefits him and that in all likelihood you will have zero desire to do. Using someone is not love.

  • It's at the very least sexual abuse. Time to break up.

  • It is rape. It's nonviolent rape though.

  • Not at all. Shitty tactics, but you accepted under no physical force.

  • No, you should have broke up with him

  • No, it's you giving in and saying yes when you didn't want to. That's not rape.

  • I don’t deem it as rape. I mean he’s an asshole for treating you like that. But if I bought a girl expensive gifts it would be foolish if I tried to get them back by trying to sue her. He’s your ex for a reason. I know you may feel awful inside for allowing him. But we all do stupid shit we aren’t proud of, I’m not. Hopefully you find a proper dude in the future.

  • No. It is not.

  • Not really because you agreed to it even though you don't really want it

  • Nope... you're allowing him to use you.
    No rape at all.

    • I suppose I was allowing him to use me but he's still a piece of shit

    • Do breakup... Who stopping you?

    • I did break up with him

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