Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

DO YOU EMBODY DOMINANT PERSONALITY TRAITS? ARE YOU MORE SEXUALLY DOMINANT THAN SUBMISSIVE?

So I got an oddly random and disturbing message from someone on here asking me to do sexual things to them using certain “toys” and other objects. I was blocked before I could even reply that I think they had my definition of dominance all wrong.

So let me just be clear. What I’m often referring to on my posts is that I carry a dominant attitude. That can be intimidating to some guys but I really don’t care. Now of course, I know how to steal the spotlight in the bedroom when called for, but I absolutely have no interest in being a “Dom”. And I prefer the guy to have an occasionally submissive personality, but I have no interest in him being a “Sub”.

What I think that guy was hoping for...
What I think that guy was hoping for...
My dominance appears more so in a school/work environment rather than in the bedroom. So kinda like this
My dominance appears more so in a school/work environment rather than in the bedroom. So kinda like this

BEING OPEN

I’m an open book and love expressing myself in elongated detail. I enjoy sharing my past experiences and how they’ve helped shape me into who I’ve become. But I also feel that sharing those experiences can help others learn before its too late and maybe even help others who’ve experienced the same to cope and seek peace. But please do not confuse it for being open-minded. I’m quite content with my close-mindedness

I’m certainly a descriptive open book
I’m certainly a descriptive open book

I’m quite confident in my bedroom skills but I wouldn’t say I’m sexually open. And I’m okay with that. Rather than casual sex, I prefer being in love and in a longterm relationship first. Threesomes, swinging, and orgies are not for me since I’m quite territorial and am not looking to share. Wanna watch us? Sure. But no touching. Overall, a lot of people need to be open and experimental in order to do certain things in the bedroom. I’m not that and have no intentions of becoming that unless I’m 10 years into a marriage and out of ideas.

I can steal the show without needing to take full control
I can steal the show without needing to take full control

KNOWING WHAT YOU NEED AND WHAT YOU DON’T WANT

I’m quite determined, decisive and goal oriented. But I admit, I do see things from a “will it benefit me” perspective. Otherwise, I won’t even feel motivated to work on it. Not being sure who I want to work for doesn’t mean I’m indecisive or lack the ambition of knowing what I’d be working towards. The way I see it, work is just a means to an end. I’m decisive enough to know what I want in life and what I need to do to meet the goals I’m determined to meet. Work will just never be top priority for me and I’m honestly not the money-hungry type.

Well?
Well?

What I want in a career is to receive credit for my hard work and steady pay that allows me to continue living a stable comfortable life. I do not want an occupation where I have to sell my body for coins nor do I want to compromise my morals/ethics. Also, team work is not always dream work. So I’d prefer to work in solitude with an option for assistance. Like people are petty and the thought of working constant team projects (where people can lie about how much work they did/didn’t do) disgusts me. And lastly, I certainly do not want a job that deals directly with customers, especially ones who talk down to you.

And thats that
And thats that

BEING BOSSY WITHOUT HAVING TO BE THE BOSS

I’m quite bossy and am fine making decisions for myself and others if they’ll allow. I don’t see it as controlling because the balls in their court. They decide if they want to pass it back to me and let me make the shot.

Who’s really callin the shots?
Who’s really callin the shots?
Boss Mentality
Boss Mentality

As a natural leader, I know the extent to how much stress and pressure I can handle. So being the intermediary between top management and bottom tier is more than enough for me. For example, I’d be more than happy being the executive assistant to the CEO. I’m satisfied with knowing I’d practically be the brains behind the operation and that I’d also get to guide and assist those below in succeeding. It honestly feeds my ego.

The “Real” Boss
The “Real” Boss
Right on
Right on

I’m not into Femdom nor do I need toys and bdsm to please and tease. My sexual dominance comes into play during the foreplay rather than the sex itself (in which I’m more submissive). I like to tease the guy throughout the day, especially in places where it may be inappropriate for him to react. Besides, eye contact can build serious tension, and body language speaks volumes.

Slip something on
Slip something on
And rub something down
And rub something down

I like to talk dirty. I like to be seductive. Maybe slide on something sexy and grind against the guy. And when I really want him, screw being hypnotic. I’ll ultimately take charge and whip out his boner once I’m satisfied with his constant begging and whimpering. I’ll whisper to him how to touch me and maybe even guide his hand as to where. I may even roll us over a few times to see if he’ll wrestle for the top spot (as in me riding him in cowgirl; like I said, no straps in my relationship). True dominance is when you let others think they’re the ones actually in charge. But its the least I can do before finally submitting to him.

Me finally submitting to him like...
Me finally submitting to him like...

BEING REASONABLY AND RESPECTFULLY COMPETITIVE

I’m not the type who’s aggressive with competition. Cursing people out and claiming I’m better than them seems a bit much. I like to remain humble and astonish my audience with something unexpected.

Humble yourself
Humble yourself

In school, I was quite a natural in public speaking and presentations. It might have been the fact that I’m creative, a chatterbox, a perfectionist and an overachiever. Of course, I wanted to have the highest grades and give the best performance, but overall, what did it for me was leading by example. I’ve always wanted to help others alongside my journey. So I’d help others prepare by editing/critiquing their work and even offered tutoring sessions after class. I wanted to assure we could all succeed.

Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

I admit, its hard to keep that same energy at work when people try to take advantage. So I spend most of my shifts in robot mode making sure I make logical rather than emotional decisions. Being a perfectionist in the workplace would just add stress. And I refuse to work for a place like this much longer. I see no pleasure in a job that tears you down in the process. Its a joke and I can’t take it seriously. But its also a paycheck and a means to an end.

Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom
Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

FINDING YOURSELF

I have more self control/discipline than most. At the same time, I like taking risks but thats after having thought them through. Its all about if the pros outweigh the cons. Some things I want to be impulsive about, but I just won't allow myself to be. Plus, I tend to see vulnerability and impulsiveness in the same light, in which both contain a sort of weakness.

Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

After having someone take advantage of your good heart and innocence, it just makes it hard to bow down. Its so much easier to fight off peer pressure and manipulation tactics. I refuse to be a “Yes Woman” so when I say no, I mean it. My future means more than fulfilling a temporary craving.

Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

A WORK IN PROGRESS

I exude a certain level of confidence. I mean I’m always smiling, not afraid to approach, and love talking about myself. But everyone has their insecure moments. I just see no point in letting them get ya down. Flaws should be stated once and then never again until progress has been made. I like sharing my experiences when comfortable and once I’ve actually overcome something. In my opinion, sharing insecurities with others while vulnerable gives on-looking competitors the potential to use your flaws to their advantage.

When getting sexual, I don’t think being submissive means that I can’t still exude dominance. I don’t need to be outgoing or overconfident. Just being ready and in my comfort zone is more than enough. I may enjoy letting him take charge but I’m for sure still secure in knowing I have the skills to make him erupt.

Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

SO ARE YOU MORE DOMINANT IN THE BEDROOM OR OUTSIDE OF IT?
#FeelFreeToList #DominantButNotDom

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Am love with this one yet again. I did like how you did describe the Dominance mode as well as the submissive mode.
    Down the road I had to quote this from ya "leading by example. I’ve always wanted to help others alongside my journey. So I’d help others prepare by editing/critiquing their work and even offered tutoring sessions after class. I wanted to assure we could all succeed" As far as this world is too wicked not all humans on A big percentage would love seeing others do succeed alongside them, because now days too many humans are wicked, sadists and are properly covered up in jealousy hence giving no shit about others. But it is sweet to see how cool and sweet ya thoughts are dear @dizzydesii

    • I love your response and that you actually read it. Thank you

    • Always checking out ya thoughts @dizzydesii so ama about to graduate in that.

    • Hahahaha

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  • Really good write up and take on it all.

    i liked it.

    it is also accurate to say that a lot of subs within BDSM are like that, that confidence attitude, intelligence, and other traits you covered off.

    That can confuse those not used to interacting with confident and yes dominant (using your takes description for it)

    thank you

    oh and Dominant outside and in but only as and when needed.

    • Thank you. And wow didn't realize most subs have that confidence too

    • My ex girlfriend who was collard as well as being a director in a tech company also did kickboxing as an instructor … so yeah lol

    • Holy smokes

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 27
  • OMG!

    ... I can only imagine how many hours this myTake took you!

    Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom
    • Hi Ms DD, Can I ask you a question please?

    • It only took like an hour or two. Im a rambler so i type all my questions and mytakes while they’re fresh on my mind

    • No, sorry, I meant can I ask you a question on a different subject? Your PM is not open.

    • Show All
  • Oh my, we are indeed a busy 🐝 🐝🐝 beaver on this Sunday. I have a term for you to work out into a Question, please.
    Boy, there’s a “Dominance Dummy.”

    See now, I sit under some Fwkin hairless head 58 Wonders and Gorgeous 67, Elders. Benefit: I can THROW Grandpa, Old Fart’ Scary Uncle around LIKE nobody’s Business.

    -Selective Dominance:
    at time when they know/“determined”, Boy is gettin laid.-“This one, I found him on the side of the road and, is that the Lurch from cartoon with Grandma❓, so I stopped 🛑

    This one 🔚 isn’t dumb, even those his 👂 ear and 👃 Hair are competing for Awards (Bald guy).
    This one here…. once a month I parole him from the Nursing Home.- he’s outlived all the other “gorgeous” Guys, Etc..
    NONE are LGBT.

    -I wish but I can’t take credit for that, “Dominance Dummie” comment above.

    “Boy,…hm? what now old 🚼 bastard?, there’s a Dominance Dumb, Naah, thank you stinkin fart 💣…. you FARTS are enough

    There 🔜, all heads swivel towards “3-piece trying to be a man with Tits trying to hide them ‘cause ya suppose to love my 🧠’…her daddy told her that.”
    (Heads swivel back around)….”she’s cute… oh I like her-real cutie!!! , Go talk to her- 2 dummies in a Cat fight, Golden” (while peeking/up, at least $500.00 martinis 💵 🍸 easy 4 old farts plus ☝️).
    You old stink pot Bastards-starch my pants 👖 a little more today, please⁉️

    Dominance-Smart vs Dominance Dumb.

    What are ya to do when 🖕GRANDPAS can turn a ♨️ quarter-to-guarter+nickel 👧 👄 upside down and inside out…. while GRL twirls on her head or deer 🦌 in headlights 👀.
    ATTENTION to their Detail and LOL 😂 and 🍸
    Somebody gotZ to do it 🙃

  • i take the lead if that is what it is, like 90% of the session i will be on top or ramming her hhhhhh. but i also enjoy it when they take control and ask for it. so dont know what that makes me

    • What about outside of the bedroom

    • @dizzydesii I would say its 50-50 , as i believe relationships should be like that. she should be the partner i want to share my entire life with so she is as important as i am in the relationship. (if i love the girl, if i dont well we will be in the dating game still and not there yet)

  • I agree with everything you wrote, although I have a less forceful personality than you do

    • Lmao i’m forceful?

    • It seems like you can be very strong willed. That’s not a bad thing at all.

    • You say you exude dominance. That’s forceful.

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  • This is a good take :)

    Wait 😆 you're into being watched?

    • Lol now i see why you mentioned that haha

    • Lol yeah

  • I thimk the blonde in the last picture is hot.

  • A switch is what I am dominant when I want to be and laid back/submissive when I want to be.

    sometimes I like taking control and other times I like taking a back seat.

    just depends on my mood and the situation. And that goes for all aspects of my life.

    • What about outside of the bedroom

    • I did say all aspects of my life outside the bedroom is included in thatZ

  • when ever i speak of being a dom, am reffering to bedroom activities (which are not always in the bedroom by the way). and yes i am one. outside of those activities, i am more layed back and go with the flow which saddly many mistake for naive or a pushover.

    • Okay so opposite. you're a dom in the bedroom and submissive outside of it. Im more submissive in the bedroom but dominant outside of it

    • close but no. am not submissive just more neutral.

    • part of why is the dom stuff comes with a lot of kinks, some kind of extreme to some folks

  • I totally agree. It’s not a not good trip like that

    • Whats not a good trip

    • Lol it’s not that type of power trip

  • I agree. Very well said. 🙂

    • Thank you

  • I like being more dominant.. but it goes both ways.. I have been submissive at certain points. In my opinion is if you are both sexually compatible... know what is the best thing to turn you on.. and go at it

    • Thats why i prefer to discuss those things long before i have sex in the relationship. Stating a dislike Last minute is such a turnoff

    • agreed 100%... I have never really had that issue... but there has been times in the middle of having fun.. she surprised me.. but it goes both ways

  • God I need this

    • Haha you are something else

  • I think your definition of "sexually open" is not the same as my definition of "sexually open.". I consider myself to be a very sexually open person (in private and discreet contexts.). Buy that doesn't mean anyone gets to touch me or see my naked.

    • My sexually open doesn't mean anyone gets to see or touch me. (Thats just my sexual side). My definition of sexually open means i have no issue having sexual topic of discussions with others.

    • Ohh; okay. The way you wrote it in your MyTake sounded like it was something different.

    • I just read what you're referring to. Okay so there's two types of sexually open. One is what injust mentioned above about sexual discussions with others. The other is more of people who are sexually active saying that if you're sexually open/open-minded that you're open to trying anything. And i was making it clear that im not lol

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  • In the bedroom I am submissive but not like her whipping me or humiliation. When I mean when I want to be submissive and her dominant it has to be sensual and where we both enjoy it. When she dominant she calls the shots want she wants and I do what she says that not degrading or humiliation to one another. The only thing that I might like that some might think that it might switch to the non sensual dominate is I like to get tied up but that I make it clear that she can do want she wants to me as long it sensual and it gives us both only pleasure. Now outside of the bedroom I act and am the man and show off confidence enough to not look cocky.

    • So what kinda dominance do you consider sensual? Like her riding cowgirl?

    • Yes her riding cowgirl is sensual to me and it not just the position it's also what she says to me like how good it feels and some dirty talk with no vulger or degrading vocabulary.

    • Yep all the things i mentioned above haha

  • That first pic is just unnatural. Anyone engaging in that has no business calling themselves men. Being submissive from time to time and doing *that*, it's a mile's worth of difference.

    • Lmao did you actually read the take because i dont support that

    • No I read it, I was just commenting the pic not insinuating that you supported it. :)

  • Wow, I'm curious, how long did it take you to write this?
    I hope this doesn't come across badly, but I am seriously aroused by your writing, I tried to resist , but your charms wore me down.
    It is an incredibly informative piece, I'm still thinking up a suitable response. Which I will post. Thank you for sharing.

    • Im glad it stimulates you :) And it took maybe 2 hours.

    • I thought so , anytime I'm speaking from the heart I start to write and suddenly there's volumes of it. wrote a short story in 5th grade was 50 + pages in the teacher said I didn't seem to grasp the short story concept😃

  • I don't know. A bit of both I guess, though under no circumstances I'd allow anyone to tie me up and I definitely wouldn't tie anyone up to the bed bc to me the personal freedom is everything, which includes the freedom in bed.

    • I agree. I wouldn't be comfortable being tied up nor cuffed. Pinning eachothers hands over our heads in enough lol

  • Dominance Doesn’t Make You a Dom

    ...

    • And yet you didn't read the take 💀

    • 🤣🤣 does her ever @dizzydesii? He puts this on every question.

    • @Uptowngirl88 Yes I do to be honest.. lol. I want to see the troll come out..

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  • True

  • i love your mind it produces amazing my take like this.

    i would like to asked you more on this topic

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