Sexual Relationships
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Dominance in sex while being a feminist?

I am all for girl power and I want my man to know we are equals, if anything I want to have a bit more control. (I've been in previous abusive relationships and I want him to know I won't tolerate it and the balls in my court) I am very loving and in no way want to be abusive or overly dominating, just want him to recognize my strength and value. I want to feel empowered and I think a lot of that ties into sex.. yet.. I LOVE being dominated in the bed. Hair pulling, biting, a little bit of smacking, choking especially. But i feel conflicted about this because I don't want him to think that translates into me wanting him to dominate in our overall relationship. Can i be thrown around like a rag doll in bed yet also let him know I don't view myself as lesser?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • So let's think about this for a minute. You want a masculine man who will dominate you sexually and treat you like a normal feminine woman wants to be treated by her man in bed, yet you expect to have more control than he does outside the bedroom. In other words, you want all the benefits of a real man but with none of what you view as the drawbacks. Good luck with that.

    Your mindset is typically feminist. You expect men to dominant you when you want to be dominated yet conveniently push all of that dominating personality aside any time you would rather not have it. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. That's not how relationships work. If you want a masculine man, then resign yourself to the fact that you're going to have to let him be a man. Otherwise you'll eventually piss him off and fuck up your relationship lose the poor guy. Don't even go there... it's unfair to the guy.

    You're better off looking for a less masculine man and understanding you're not got to be treated the way you want in the bedroom.

    You can't have it both ways. You either want a masculine man or you don't. Don't fuck with guys like that.

    • Yeah you made some good points in there that I won't try to argue. I think a lot of what you said is correct. I used to be very submissive but since my last man who took it too far to the point where it was emotional and physical abuse, I am trying to compensate and regain my pride/self worth even though maybe deep down I truly just want a masculine man. I just associate that with my last one who viewed me a lesser and thats why he treated me that way. I need to be able to separate a true dominant male figure and an abuser who doesn't respect women or anyone for the matter.

    • Well I hope you find a good man who treats you well and that you are happy.

  • you're not going to find a guy who is going to dominate you like that in bed and then let you control him everywhere else. the good news is, i don't think that's what you really want. it's what you think you want, but i believe what would make you happy is a dominant, masculine guy who treats you well and respectfully and who you can trust to have your interest at heart. you sound like someone who is comfortable being submissive as long as the guy treats you well, but you feel like you need to be more controlling just because... well just because you're a feminist. that's a bad reason that have ruined a lot of relationships that were otherwise just fine.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sounds like you’ve got some kind of duality in your personality… Your mind is not in sync with your desires.

  • Yeah of course you can as long as you stay assertive and hold your boundaries firmly outside the bedroom.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 14

  • Most people with half a brain and some emotional maturity can grasp the concept that what goes on in the bedroom has little to do with what goes on outside of it. So, you need to avoid the stupid, the emotionally immature, and most especially, the selfish guys. That shouldn't be all that difficult to do. And there's no reason why you can't say more-or-less exactly what you wrote here - in fact, I strongly recommend that you do. You'll have no trouble finding a guy who will be happy with such an arrangment.

  • This is a struggle I had years ago from the other perspective: a prefect, doting gentleman in public who told her when the clothes start cumming off that her ass is MINE!! Follow me and we'll get into the details. I know how conflicted it can feel but it doesn't have to be.

  • damaged goods. red flag.. you might be fine.. but still.. to me you have full control.. one word.. stop.. or one word to never even start.. NO.. that's a lot of control. jsut dont tolerate abuse.. call it out.. whie it's small. before it grows.. before it has a chance. and if your not respected.. vote with your feet. i heard the ones who really own the other are the submissives own their dominants. mabye i'm confused.

  • Feminism = Misandry

  • There is so much I have to say, but dont want to discuss publicly!

    • Ps, I think you would agree with what I have to say !

  • girl, being equal also means being independent from others will, thoughts, desires, and path in life. Based on your first sentence, I think you're not a feminist, anyway, as they believe in men having NO power. We're all equal, so you do you. Go fucking crazy. "All Is Fair In Love and War" also means in the bedroom for LOVE (do whatever you both like).

    Ever think doing exactly what you desire to do is empowerment? I would think you would be less empowered if you were not allowed to follow your own feelings. GO FOR IT and DON'T WORRY about others.

    • I love this view

  • Yes.

  • My wife is very assertive. She takes no crap from anyone. She runs the house and is very successful at work with 55 workers in her command. In bed only she wants me to do whatever I want to her and she does whatever I want her to do. When we are done under the sheets she is back to being boss lady.

    • I read that that's actually really common in most women who are bosses in their line of work/ overall take care of everything! Thanks for sharing

  • Womans and Mans will never be equals as long one of them can kill the other one whit free hands. (A woman told me this)
    Olso Mans are thous who die in wars for theyr womans.
    Womans has never revolt for theyr right whntile modern time. Mans has all the time revolt and fight even whit theyr own lives for theyr right and olso to get power.
    The history of thous 2 genders is to much unequal for man to just give the same right as womans.
    Womans need to do something remarcable to win thour rights.
    A man crazy man can do olmoust evrething whit a woman, but a crazy woman can't do nothing to a man if she fight whit only free hands.
    Girls, try much more at the next World War.

  • it will be hard...

  • Another cognitive dissonance feminist. U want to be dominated completely stop fighting it

    • No I don't want that at all. Just the thought of a man even attempting to emotionally dominate me or in an other way besides sexually makes me angry. It doesn't go deeper than just the fact that I like it rough. Even from females so

    • yeah whatever u say, long way to go for you to know yourself

    • long jump for you to take to assume you know me better than I do! But I appreciate any feedback on here so no offense taken. Just because we disagree doesn't mean it's bad

    • Show All

  • To Me... That's 2 completly different things... I consider myself as a male feminist and I love domination...
    But to me real domination is based on respect

  • You like what you like. This seems to be a secret desire or natural desire of many women, to be dominated during sex. Perfectly natural.

  • I believe in equality

  • Then you're not really for girl power. I'm dominant both sexually and out of the bed.

  • You can. It doesn't mean it will work... Besides, this is pretty counterintuitive.

  • I believe in equality. And both should be able to freely discuss their opinions. As for in the bedroom I like the thought of taking turns on who is dominant depending on the mood.

    • thats a good idea! the other weekend i was feeling a streak of dominance and went for it. I really enjoyed it I think it was eh for him but I don't think he specifically dislikes it. Just kind of a whatever thing for him. But considering I do all of the work every time he can deal with it occasionally lol

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